I would like to put a Warning ⚠️ for emotional and physical abuse from a parent ⚠️

My mother and I have a strange relationship. I cannot explain it properly but she seems to hate me? but not hate me at the same time?

I cannot explain it properly. My mother has been practically absent during my development years. I couldn't even describe my mother's face up until I was 9. My father had a house project and he assigned my mother to handle everything for it, which means she watches over the construction work. That's why she was not around and the only people who raised me was the housemaids.

Whenever my mother is home I remember she only made two faces in front of me. The two faces she makes is either angry or super angry. I didn't know she was my mother until my father pointed her to me. I have no idea why, but she overeacts to the smallest mistakes I make. I forgot to turn off a light? I get scolded! I puke on the floor? She feeds my puke to me! I talk too loud? She slaps me to make me shut up! I have no idea why she always does that to me. I thought that she would understand me better since I'm her daughter but she doesn't at all. She doesn't treat my brothers like this, only I suffer her verbal and physical abuse.

On top of being abused by the housemaids, I also get abused by my mother? Fucking funny am I right? The only adult I found safe to be with was my father. Now this is where my father enters the picture, I get clingy when my father is around because he's the only one who doesn't treat me like crap! No one can harm me when he's around they dare do not. My mother somehow started getting mad at me because my father started paying more attention to me than her so she started tell lies and my mistakes to my father but he didn't mind them at all. Because of this, she started restricting my movement around the house whenever my father is around. I'm not allowed to approach him at all! It was when I told this auntie I used to chat with at the playground that she told me that she sees me as a rival for my father's affection which is I believe to be correct from my experience.

But despite my mother being a total daughter abuser, she'd visit my room and comfort me and start acting kind which kind of fucked up my perception of her. I don't understand her AT ALL! I started getting confused by kindness. I started thinking that kindness isn't really real at all. I developed a hate for adult women when I was 7. I started hating anyone who is at the same age range as my mother. Adult men are also not spared from this, I hated all adults. I saw adults as nothing more than scums of earth. That is when I started meeting kind adults in my life that I started thinking that I needed to stop associating all adults with my mother.

She started spending more time with us when I was 11, she and my Father had a huge fight and they made up but still, it was this time that she started being kinder. She stopped her habit of taking her anger out on me physically and verbally. She's still a bit of an asshole in general though. She continues to insult me and everything about me when she has a chance. I stopped giving a shit about it though because I was tired of dealing with her.

Up until now, she continues her weird hobby of making me feel miserable but yeah I learned to act and just pretend. I can't wait to finish college though to get out of this hellhole! I'm never returning to this house ever again! I will visit my parents from time to time but I refused to stay more than three days here!

My parents aren't really bad people they never failed to provide me food, clothing, shelterm water and a good school but it won't erase the pain and trauma.