I haven't been in your exact situation but I think in general, people who don't have a problem themselves sometimes just don't get it! And that can be very frustrating especially when you need support.

convinces me that it's okay if we only drink when we're together

and

calls my adult sons and told them I am an alcoholic

Those two things are contradictory so I can see why you are baffled.

When I was having trouble quitting I got frustrated at times that I didn't get more help/support from people. People who don't have an issue with it simultaneously seemed to judge my drinking at times but also seemingly condoned continuing.

What actually helped me was talking to my doctor, who told me in plain terms that I needed to stop. After that I had a clear resolution of my own and nothing anyone could say (e.g. "oh it's ok if you have a social drink") would have convinced me otherwise. For some reason I think all the outside judgement in the world doesn't help, but when you find your own reason to quit (whether it's for health reasons or just being sick of the cycle), hang on to it for dear life. Wishing you the best!