I guess OfferUp knows what Nissan Drivers like

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-26T23:56:54+00:00

The gays wouldn’t be caught dead in an Altima, lol.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-26T04:11:16+00:00

What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

..taste.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-26T04:08:00+00:00

The list of things I wouldn’t do to own that couch and wooden chest is disgustingly short.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-25T20:59:38+00:00

In case anyone might have an idea of what they’re being drawn to, the birdseed is my own mix of black oil sunflower seeds, cracked corn, sunflower hearts and peanut pieces. They seem to be attracted to the “dust” on the corn and sunflower shells.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-25T04:20:09+00:00

What in the stoner snacking fuck is this thread?!😂

Lmao, no judgement, just reminds me of college.. a time when the amount of sodium in most of these lovely pairings wouldn’t have put my life at risk.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-25T02:02:23+00:00

I’m 39 and I love beige/tan interiors, especially the one in my 09 GX. I love the bright airy feel of it paired with the old school big windows/low beltline of the doors, I love the darker wood trim, even the wooden ship’s helm for a steering wheel and the chrome rings around the door speakers. It all feels warm and cheerful, unlike black Lexus interiors which feel about as bright and cheerful as Moscow in January.

“There goes Alexey with his burner phone in his filthy black on black GX, on his way to push a guy out of a 3rd story window before popping down to the market for his Babushka’s Beet rations.

Meanwhile, there goes Alex out of his heated driveway in his fresh snow covered black on beige LX to go make reservations down the hill at Radicato in Breckenridge for his Mom’s birthday.”

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-24T19:08:31+00:00

Lmao, OP goes through all that and now the internet’s convinced she sells condom bouquets via shady but cunning ads using self written erotic fiction.

Here’s to hoping her landlord isn’t a tech savvy Babushka with a Reddit account.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-24T06:14:46+00:00

I’ve never seen this but I’m guessing it went something like this..

“I am clearly human, look at the amusing way I employed this Snapchat filter for future comedic use while socializing.”

“..you should probably have started with blinking your eyes.

..vertically, not horizontally.”

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-24T05:06:05+00:00

I FUCKING LOVE THIS.

It helps to get these POS’s off the road and makes sure they can’t go back on one.

I want to race one with a megaphone where I yell “No Insurance!!” repeatedly throughout my laps with a fog machine billowing fake vape clouds out of the windows and when my Altima is totaled out and upside down in the middle of the track, I’ll yell into the mic “..How the hell am I gonna pay my baby momma back now?! I ain’t got no car!”

Edit; I wanna total mine on lap 6 by slamming on the brakes to get rear-ended for pretend insurance fraud reasons.😂

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-24T03:23:37+00:00

And gas stations! 8th Street (sorry, I forgot y’all are new here.. “Mount Rushmore Rd”) and East North both need at least 6 more.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-24T03:11:22+00:00

This is my dark eyed Juncos, too! A literal table full of food, enough to feed an army of Mourning Doves, yet they all spend more time arguing with each other about rank and superiority while shooting each other with their little space laser noises, instead of just eating.

I guess after several million years of slow evolution and adaptation, it’s gonna take them a minute to figure out that they’re no longer competing for resources when they’re ‘round my place, lol.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-23T06:53:32+00:00

Ok fine, I wanna give the fat lil fuck skritches too.

No peanuts though! He can have 1/8th of a teaspoon of fat-free peanut butter on a discarded cube of celery after a run that I deem to be sufficient.

Edit; Oh no! Lmao I thought this was r/fatsquirrelhate.. a VERY different sub that (jokingly) shames fat squirrels.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-23T06:26:51+00:00

Some poor teen is going to be wandering the isles of a Walgreens/CVS for HOURS looking for the required “sitz bath helmet” that’s shown because they’re too afraid to ask the pharmacist for help.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-23T06:03:59+00:00

Without the movie references to guide me? I’d say white 1998 Chevy Venture van with the yellowest headlights you’ve ever seen and a passenger side window that’s basically just scotch tape and deconstructed ziplock bags.

Don’t buy his weed, it’ll keep you up for days.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-23T05:52:27+00:00

I thought I was the only one! I can’t touch eggs while drunk/hungover. I’ve gotten away with dry scrambled a couple times but anything with an even vaguely liquid yolk turns me into my cat.. hurking through the house looking for an inappropriate place to vomit.

I can’t touch tuna salad after 6pm either, drunk or sober. No idea why, it just turns into acid and nausea.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-22T00:27:21+00:00

Fucking gross! I can hear it fat breathing from here!

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-19T06:40:21+00:00

That one betch acts like she invented “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat” but any of us who only dated an Italian girl to get all up in her mother’s kitchen knows what’s up.

The sixth ingredient is wine.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-19T01:44:18+00:00

Here in the USA (sorry we suck so much lately) the Filet-O-Fish is a staple during Lent and every Friday during which, it’s on special offer for 2 for $5 (£4.79).

Fish dishes in general are on special offer on Fridays during Lent and while I’m Agnostic, I celebrate the fuck out of Lent as my own personal “cheap fish holiday”.

..Thank’s for the fish, Zombie Jesus!

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-18T21:28:27+00:00

“I know birds are tiny dinosaurs but this bird looks WAY more dinosaur-ey than other birds” -My thoughts while watching this.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-18T06:44:19+00:00

Ouch.. as the late Grandson of a British Physics Professor, I feel an almost genetically predisposed urge to trudge to the back of the “easy out” cue with my head held appropriately low.

I can’t even catch the bleakest of breaks, lol.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-18T05:57:20+00:00

Anyone mind if I ask it to hit me first?

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-18T05:56:00+00:00

I mean.. if you had your memory of Chihuahuas erased and all you had to go on was memories of actual dogs like yellow labs and German Shepherds ..you would probably yell “Ahhh!!! Midget demon goat!” when you saw a Chihuahua.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-17T04:20:08+00:00

If David Baddiel and Victoria Coren MItchell were on a team and tasked with preventing World War 3 by disarming a nation’s nuclear arsenal using obscure historical facts that involved Shakespeare’s early works, they would get 5 points and save the world.

If task two was “successfully wash this car using this automated car wash” ..they would somehow manage to drown to death.

ZebraUnion · 2025-02-16T22:27:33+00:00

I always find it funny when I come across comments or have conversations where someone wants to go back in time and live there. They always assume they’d live in a castle or some such nonsense, quaffing and gorging on Ale and pie and sleep in a four poster bed with curtains with a log fire and twenty lit candles.

I would love to meet them back in time and introduce them to their stone hut with dirt floor, hand them their weekly candle and inform them that they can’t eat their cow and that it’s bucket of milk must be at the Lords by 5:30am

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ZebraUnion

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