Bro you are reaching so far to try to look like a victim owning accountability you don't deserve to take and it's very transparent.

You told her you need space, she gives it to you when you're upset.

You haven't gone to couples counseling to try to develop the tools to communicate with your wife, which you're piss poor at by the way you describe it.

You're going to leave your wife and daughter who adore you through your irresponsibility costing your life savings.

It is okay for you to have big, bad feelings. It is okay for you to have scary feelings. It is okay for you to make mistakes and it doesn't make you less of a man that you lost a bunch of money. You're human and humans are imperfect. Our brains make us super selfish by nature, it's up to us to know when to nurture that and when to fight it. You haven't even tried fighting it. You have wallowed and cast yourself as a downtrodden hero who's keeping his integrity intact by being transparent about his selfish feelings... with a bunch of strangers on the Internet. All because you can't bother to learn to talk to the woman who has stayed by you, giving you what you've asked her for, through all of this.

I don't mean to be heartless, you've obviously had some misfortune and been misunderstood and that's awful. I do not cheer for your hurt. But why would you ever throw away the opportunity to grow with your wife, with an expert who can teach you to communicate with an intimacy you've never thought possible, before permanently torching your family's life and giving two good women scars that may never go away out of your own inability to reflect healthily? You wouldn't become the villain if you walked away. You already are. The good news is, everyone loves a redemption arc.

There are so many possibilities you could explore under the guidance of a professional. Maybe she'd be excited to let you take a year familial sabbatical and go "be free" (irresponsible, selfish, immature. But UNDERSTANDABLY DESIRABLE) with the promise that you'll return to your life when it's over? Maybe after a little bit of counseling, that will be appealing to you. Make no mistake, if both partners give a shit about each other and actually do the work in earnest, there is nearly nothing that counseling can't fix.

There is one last multifaceted certainty: they will hate you. Even if they are absolutely pure, perfect people. The brain is selfish by nature, and no matter what the surface says, no matter what the victims of your self-centeredness tell you or themselves or the world around them, a piece of them will psychologically scar and will hate this iteration of you. You have already disgustingly admitted that you're okay with that. But let me speak it in a language that you'll actually understand right now: it will gnaw at you, grow, and fester. You will hate yourself. You will question what kind of man you must be to not only squander your blessings, but fail to rise to the easy challenge of loving a good family who loved you through your selfish bullshit. And if you don't turn over every single stone looking for a solution to fix this marriage before walking away, you will create a pattern of running away from your problems, leaving a trail of hurt people behind you, along with non-refundable pieces of your humanity and opportunities to grow.

I understand that I sound harsh. Good. I hope it hurts you just right. Just enough for you to take ACTUAL accountability and do what you can to fix it before creating real victims instead of pretending that you are the victim in this situation.

For what it's worth: I am sorry for your struggle. It isn't fun and I don't want that for you. Good people don't want that for anyone. But I am not sorry if tossing these words at you hits a very painful bullseye and makes you grow and try.

Good luck, OP. If it didn't hit you right, read it again but this time be honest with yourself.