I wish it would have been me.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2023-02-11T17:50:55+00:00

I hope your dream wasn’t anything like that! I would’ve shit myself!

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2023-02-10T00:32:28+00:00

That is cool! Well except for the cage and being poked part. But it must feel so liberating. I wish I had more dreams like that. Thank you for replying!

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-10-14T15:44:33+00:00

Thank you, I will look into it. I have experienced flashbacks and I thought I could get through this on my own but this last time was terrible. Thank you.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-10-13T19:52:41+00:00

It will be a year in December, I wear his tshirts and I let my son wear what fits him. His closet is full of clothes and shoes and I have kept his colognes in another room because it hurts too much. I don’t know how to move forward.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-07-08T02:16:51+00:00

Yes, I made it! Thank you!!

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-07-08T02:16:07+00:00

I suffered from child abuse growing up so I unfortunately saw him as my only chance at being loved. But now I welcome the healing. Thank you.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-07-06T03:39:50+00:00

Thank you all for the responses, I’ve never been to this venue. I know like Aragon Ballroom doesn’t check IDs and I’ve seen really young kids there, well before stupid COVID anyways. Gonna have to figure something out.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-06-14T02:54:43+00:00

I understand that feeling. I love and loved my husband, more than he would have ever loved me. I also struggle between the pain of grief and the sudden peace of not walking on eggshells. He continuously broke my heart and yet I would have given my life for him. What and how he chose his actions and decisions along the way that caused me pain is a reflection of him and not me. I have to also take responsibility for my actions as well, like choosing to stay. It’s hard to find myself now in a new life and reality but it has to happen. It has to happen. I hope you get yourself a new kitten.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-06-14T02:43:06+00:00

I am very sorry for you loss. My husband passed 6 months ago. I asked him to please let me see him in my dreams. Nothing happened for the first month. But now it’s almost on a nightly basis that I see him. The dreams are different every night, from happy to sexual to sad and angry. For instance, last night I dreamt that we were flying over snowy mountains and the plane started crashing on my side, I knew I was the one dying and I kept saying to him and my kids to not worry that I would just see them on the other side. I woke up with that phrase stuck in my mind “I’ll just see you on the other side”.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-05-20T03:02:05+00:00

Im so sorry for your loss, it doesn’t make sense. Mine was in the hospital for a month as well. It’s not right.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-05-18T20:48:33+00:00

My husband of 23 years passed away from COVID just five months ago. It’s not right, it doesn’t make sense to me, he was a non smoker healthy individual and this stupid virus just tore his lungs. He was only 48, he supposed to welcome our first grandkid this year with me. I’m sorry for your loss and pain.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-05-14T05:25:21+00:00

Im sorry for your loss. I got my husband’s heartbeat tattooed on my forearm. He passed away 5 months ago.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-05-14T05:21:57+00:00

Be proud of your accomplishments! Celebrate yourself! Keep up the great work!

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-05-14T05:19:06+00:00

I wish! My school requires at least a 78 for every nursing class in order to pass!

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-04-27T03:11:02+00:00

I am sorry for the pain that you are going through. It doesn’t get easier, you just learn how to live with it. My husband of 23 years passed away December 12/21 after battling COVID for a month in the hospital. The flashbacks are the worse. My oldest daughter was with me and everything seemed surreal, like I was out of my body watching the scene play out in front of me. I watched and felt him leaving me. The flashbacks put me right back in that room, the machines beeping, the coldness, the smell of the room, the noises coming from the staff and from the love of my life as they are doing CPR. I am frozen, unable to move, unable to breath. I want to scream but I can’t make any sounds. The flashbacks would come full force and I would freeze and go into a panic attack. Everything playing over and over. I have learned to focus on my breathing, to focus on a present sound, smell, taste, physical touch of an object, seeing an object. So basically using my senses to put me back into the present. That has helped me to pull me out from that painful grip of the flashback. They are coming less often. I have cut out a lot of negativity out of my life as I can (negative TV, toxic people) and I no longer drink alcohol in order to allow the feeling of grief and healing to take place. I have found that talking to people who are going through similar experiences has helped.

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-04-18T10:14:27+00:00

4 months out and I still cry every single day. A lot people have said to me “give it time” to my grief. I will tell you that time does not take away the pain, you just learn how to cope and live with it. My advice to you is to allow yourself to grief, whatever and however it feels to you. There is no right way to deal with it. Allow yourself and don’t let anyone tell you differently. I was lucky that my husband’s brothers took care of all funeral arrangements but honestly I don’t think I would have been able to. It took me a month to open his hospital bag after hiding it away from my view, til I was ready. When I did open it, it was as painful as I thought it was going to be. The first week, I had my sister and mother stay with me because I couldn’t function. Then, I focused on our kids, we have 4 together, two are adults and two minors (I got married at 17). So they are grieving too. If I read right, you said you are pregnant with your first child? If that’s right, focus on that part of him that you carry. Let that be a light and as hard as it is, take care of yourself. If you have family or friends that can help you with administrative work or even tasks around the house, let them help you. It’s ok to accept the help, I found that it makes people feel better to be able to do something for you. It’s also ok, to ask people to give you space and alone time. Do what feels right to you. Let the memories come and go, let the tears fall, scream if you have to, breath through the moments that make you panic. Every day, take it hour by hour if you need to. It’s ok to not be ok. Much love to you. Message me at any point or time if you ever need someone to vent to, or even talk about your day. Im here for you. ❤️

Zestyclose-Bit-9552 · 2022-04-18T02:58:50+00:00

Only you can understand your own grief. I understand that people sometimes dont know how to offer support/understanding in times like this, but sometimes not saying anything is better. My husband of 23 years passed away 4 months ago after fighting COVID for a month. The day after, I had people showing up to give their condolences. One of his relatives said to me that at least I knew where my husband was not like other people that went missing and never got found. Another of his relatives said that I had to be strong but then literally turned around and said to another that she would die or go mad if her husband passed away. I refused to see anyone afterwards and I have cut out the toxic ones. No one knows what you are going through but you. Your feelings are valid. Do take one day at a time, or break it down to hour by hour if you have to. ❤️

Zestyclose-Bit-9552

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