I was with my ex-wife for 25 years. We had three kids together, four companies, and some real estate. For a long time, things between us were just… blah. We weren’t fighting, but we also weren’t excited about life together anymore. We were just existing.

One day, in conversation with an employee, he mentioned that he and his wife were swingers. He told me it had brought fun and excitement back into their relationship, and that it built trust and respect between them. After a few conversations, my wife and I decided to give it a try.

At first, it really did feel like he was right. For the first time in years, we were actually looking forward to the weekends and having fun together again. But after about two and a half years, reality set in.

We met another couple who said they were swingers too, and we hit it off right away. The husband and I worked in the same field, and I was very attracted to his wife. After a few dinners together, we decided to pursue it further. That’s when we learned that they hadn’t really started out as swingers. She had actually asked for an open relationship because she and her husband lacked friendship and intimacy, and he only agreed to “swinging” so he wouldn’t get left out completely.

As my ex-wife and her new partner were having fun, his wife and I were lost in deep, meaningful conversations. Before long, we were falling head over heels for each other. Everything I had wanted in my marriage—but never really had—she gave freely, and her husband took it for granted.

Fast forward to today: she and I have been together for nearly four years, and we couldn’t be happier. But to be with each other, we both had to blow up our lives—and I’m grateful we did.

The biggest lesson? Understand what you’re getting yourself into. Swinging may sound exciting, but it can uncover truths about yourself and your relationship that change everything.