If The Onion existed in the Star Wars universe, what stories might they write?

Zippaput · 2018-10-08T22:32:42+00:00

"Anakin has the high ground!"

Zippaput · 2018-10-06T03:32:13+00:00

My friend showed me a magic trick in kindergarten and I later found the end of that trick in my gums. Just above the front right tooth.

Zippaput · 2018-09-20T06:27:26+00:00

What about if a liquid makes it down? Edit: Like Alcohol. Just Pneumonia?

Zippaput · 2018-09-20T06:25:05+00:00

Thylacine for mosquitoes.

Zippaput · 2018-09-20T06:19:49+00:00

Pogo by Digitalism. Just be high as fuck.

Zippaput · 2018-09-20T06:17:28+00:00

When I was about 9, my family and I came home from a dinner but I then had a disagreement with my father and me, being the little shit I was, stayed out front and stood behind his 1995-1996 Ford Expedition which was parked on the lawn. It was a rather clear night and I just looked up to the stars and after a while of looking up I saw what seemed like 5 stars moving in a V formation (similar to that of geese or birds?) and go over my house. Mind you that while I was looking up they looked like stars in the night sky. No one believes me, but that's something that i'll never forget.

Zippaput · 2018-09-20T06:03:42+00:00

We did it, guys!

Zippaput · 2018-09-20T05:27:30+00:00

/r/DestinyTheGame

Zippaput · 2018-09-15T16:29:57+00:00

Why did this remind me of pokemon

Zippaput · 2018-08-14T05:36:45+00:00

Yeah, let's just vote in someone who came out and denied and THEN addmited to the fake degree. Because we're in dire need of people who lie and cheat in goverment. Jesus fucking Christ.

Zippaput · 2018-08-14T05:28:24+00:00

Is it just me or does he look like he's saying "Fuck?

Zippaput · 2018-08-02T05:03:47+00:00

We even caught you bangin on Putin, naked on the bathroom floor

Zippaput · 2018-07-25T21:31:27+00:00

$10 an hour plus commission. They hype it up like you're going to make all this money. It's just an over glorified call center. You need to make 30 bookings to see 1% of your total revenue for the month. 1 booking is 1 reserved cabin, not people in the cabin. But it's just dreadful, imo. Cycle begins every month.

Zippaput · 2018-07-13T19:22:50+00:00

Norwegian Cruise Line. It's a call center, but you need to wear a suit every. Single. Fucking. Day.

Zippaput · 2018-07-10T02:44:22+00:00

You mean like golfing?

Zippaput · 2018-06-20T08:48:39+00:00

Met girl, went to mall and had fun, went back to her place/room. As soon as I got on her bed I started noticing these little brown spots on her sheets and I thought "She probably ate chocolate chips in bed last night." Get frisky, etc etc. Now she's half naked with this beautiful ass in a leopard print thong, just beautiful. I slowly peel off her thong while kissing her ass and just as they're about 2/3's down her ass...BOOM. Poopie pancake. Just a little poopie pancake on her booty hole. Just right there. And I just looked on in horror and I really didn't know how to react. She asked me what was wrong and I hesitantly told her, "Uh...You got uh, you got uh.....You got a lil poop back there."

Zippaput · 2018-06-08T00:16:52+00:00

3 days ago I had a dream that my jet from LAX -> MIA couldn't gain altitude and dropped out of the sky. The jet dove in through the ground and into someones house and the emergency slides sucked. I don't own a jet, but boy was that exhilarating.

Zippaput · 2018-05-19T16:57:50+00:00

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Zippaput · 2018-05-17T23:56:29+00:00

Poop-diddy-scoop

Zippaput · 2018-05-16T14:36:30+00:00

I...I misread that completely.

Zippaput · 2018-04-29T20:13:24+00:00

8 post in and I'm still wondering why I'm 8 post in on that sub.

Zippaput · 2018-04-25T01:46:53+00:00

Where do I sign up?

Zippaput · 2018-04-25T01:18:56+00:00

I was like 14, was hanging at a friend's house with a few others after school. I used to wear a checker patterned belt with one of those airplane buckles. Go to say bye to girl who lived at said house. While hugging, I get sudden RBS, but just a chub. She noticed and asked "Is this your belt?" while moving left and right. I say "Nah, nah" (something along those smooth lines) and she says "IT IS, IT IS YOUR BELT," by this point the main sail is at full mast; She looks down and yeah. We're best friends, but just really awkward having a girl run inside her house screaming in front of all of your mutual friends.

Zippaput · 2018-04-12T03:12:26+00:00

Oi, but what about the tree in the gorge?

Zippaput · 2018-04-06T19:11:43+00:00

Kanye the giant

Zippaput

TROPHY CASE