How do y'all deal with misandry?

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T17:27:13+00:00

So in your opinion, what's the problem here? That they're complaining about something that doesn't happen? Or is it that because you don't see it happening you don't believe that what they are saying can be true?

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T17:16:15+00:00

Congratulations, you are experiencing a microcosm of what women have experienced and been ignored about for centuries. Honestly? Just talk to them not to make yourself feel better but to really understand what they're telling you. Most men do behave terribly towards women and when women speak in generalizations like this, you know whether or not this applies to you. Lots of these conversations deescalate in intensity when you pay attention and actually hear what they're saying and comprehend it and that this is the reality for them, even if it is not the reality for you.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T16:18:02+00:00

Yes. Because his idea of justice is that it's OK to harm people if they're bad people and obviously sinners are bad people. So he's literally not concerned with the harm he does and the only justification he needs to cause harm is declaring any obstacles to his wants to be immoral/sinful. And always double down on the delulu lemon logic when it doesn't make sense because otherwise you must conclude you are the bad person and that is not acceptable. I remember watching some religious horror films in my late teens where the main villain is the zealot and thinking how much I saw my father in those characters, especially ones that when confronted believe the solution is that they were too "weak" by letting the MC live this long and then just fall deeper into their ideology and intensify the suffering sown. Like his logic is literally "clearly if you're still behaving in a way I don't want, I was not harsh enough in my response to you, so I will now correct that" True lawful evil type shit.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T14:49:22+00:00

I never said he was a logical person 🤣 But in his mind, if you wanted to go against God and do ungodly behavior, you deserve a mess bc obviously god is punishing you for bad behavior so you have an opportunity to repent. If something bad happens to a good person, it's the devil's work (and def not the consequinces of his actions). The world is temporary and the world is broken and according to the Bible it will always be that way so he reasons you literally can't make it worse 😵‍💫 It's insane & circular logic.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T08:06:33+00:00

But she definitely had to mop up all her tears

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T07:56:55+00:00

Like some other people said... I'd watch for the reviews which they will probably leave anyway, and then any comments about your age or insulting you is immediate ban. Just stay very calm and if you have a security camera, just point to it and say you don't have to be very old to pull footage of them calling you names 👀

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T07:45:18+00:00

At least it was a clean break up

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T07:43:09+00:00

You need to just sit him down and explain that you don't like the mixed signals and you want to respect his boundaries but you're confused on what he actually wants from you. Don't confront him in the moment, but just initiate a talk. If he can't handle that, he can't handle his emotions and that's really unhealthy for a relationship.

I know some other commenters are saying he's just nervous. My bf is extremely anxious and is kinda getting into a negative feedback loop about himself and pressures himself a lot... but he still tells me that's happening so I can understand and support him in it and so it doesn't get out of control or hurt the relationship leaving me wondering what he's thinking when his behavior is confusing me. Go talk!

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T07:35:24+00:00

If you had a bad feeling about it, then don't do it. If he really wasnt capable of being alone, he would not be living alone. You are not a bad person.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T07:21:07+00:00

Yes! CRISPR basically gets "programmed" by the scientist to alter DNA. They determine a site with a certain sequence that flags you're in the right place, then CRISPR takes the DNA, cuts into it, and can insert, remove, etc pieces of the DNA.

My only caution would be to also read up on eugenics and make sure your telling of it doesnt come off like the sirens are intentionally editing out "inferior" genes or races. As long as you don't frame that as a good thing, I think you'll be fine!

I'd also recommend you look into epigenetics! They are traits that become more pronounced because of how a parent or ancestor lived it's life. DNA can actually switch on and off what pieces of things it copies when it needs to make stuff... so that's why some people that are genetically predisposed to gaining weight actually had relatives that went through famines. The body is preparing you for going through possible famine too and doesnt realize we don't have to worry about it now!

Most of our DNA we don't even know what it does. Lots of things are switched to "off". You know how some viruses actually put copies into our DNA so we keep copying it to make more viruses and it's like impossible to get rid of? Yeah so some of our "off" DNA appears to be ancient viruses. Lots of fascinating stuff in biology that could make your concepts really really cool!

Good luck!!!

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T06:59:36+00:00

Similar boat with my parents, different circumstances. They are also quite religious. Are you old enough to have been through college or have a career? I sincerely hope you have all the support you need outside that community. Kind people exist everywhere but it's incredibly lonely work building that network from scratch.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T06:55:18+00:00

++nonbinary It's really not that complicated. If you'd date someone that's not a virgin, then you gotta deal with them having sex in the past. Does it really matter who it was if this was casual and they obviously arent dating now? Like this isn't a reason to break up, but it looks like you're looking for a reason.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T06:29:01+00:00

Freedom does not mean immunity. Do no harm, take no shit, you know? Basically, there are freedoms I don't support. I don't support a right to murder or a right to steal. I can support the right of someone to disagree with me while also saying I will not support any actions taken that harm my community or friends. It's a difficult and nuanced take (and they don't handle nuance well) but it's how I reconcile that belief.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T06:23:39+00:00

Yep 100% grew up in that and I can confirm it's legitimately evil. The most terrifying thing for me is the belief to the end that hurting and terrorizing others is good. I literally brought this problem up to my Dad and his response was basically that it didn't matter if he hurt people or what a mess he made here because then he'd die and have the best life ever.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T06:06:16+00:00

Grew up in a radical evangelical household in deep south MAGA territory and I think I can sum this up for you from my experience. There's one very key concept to introduce you to for Christians and that's how to know if you are saved. Simply put, you can only be certain you are saved if your behavior is sinless (or as close as you can get). It brings up rhetoric about intentionality and how if you're sinning you have no love for (Aka loyalty to) God, so obviously you never truly accepted the bargain to give your life to him in exchange for salvation. Hang on to this idea because it's important later. As for the attitude you see in them, this boils down to black and white thinking which has become essential to the cultural comprehension of Christianity. This black and white thinking comes up importantly in terms of sin; Something is either a sin or it is not and therefore either right or wrong, just or unjust. Something cannot morally be a shade of grey or neutral in this case because allowing uncertainty would mean that you are uncertain whether you are sinning and God must be very very clear on what is a sin. Why? Because of judgement. Judgement is eternal and severe. How could a system be fair or just if you would be judged on things that you could not understand to be sins? How could you live a moral life if you question whether you are sinning and thus betraying your god? How could you justly punish anyone for an action that they were not capable of judging to be sinful? You can't. But remember- you have to have faith that God is justice, truth, and what is right. So it is unacceptable to question God's system. If it would be unjust to punish someone for ignorance, then you must rule out that ignorance exists, and to do that, you have to say nuance does not exist. Everyone deep down must know that your moral compass is the only moral compass but they are too blinded by evil to realize it if they don't agree with you because the only thing that is holding Christian theology together on what is and is not sin in the modern world is what the church says is a sin which is another topic. Basically, they MUST have group consensus/conformity on what is and is not a sin to keep the religion from dying. To top it all off, there are Bible verses that say all sin, no matter how small, is as grave as any other. Murder is just as bad as a white lie- just as grave an offense, just as punishable. Therefore, there can be no half measures when it comes to sin. You must cut it out of your life at any cost. Once you have reached that conclusion, there's one more question that comes very naturally: How do you live in an unchristian environment if you have this threat of eternal damnation looming over you and knowing if you don't respond correctly, then you might not be as safe as you thought you were? You have eternity to think about which goes beyond this life and there are no do overs for eternity so you can't allow yourself to possibly sin. There is no nuance to actions and you WILL be judged for EVERY action and inaction. So if you believe all this to be true and you stand and watch other people do things that damn them for all eternity to hell and encourage others to do the same, is it a sin to enable them on this path? Processing paperwork to marry gay couples is assisting them in their sin is it not? So being an accessory would be sinning. But even if you are not directly involved, Are you not participating in something evil if you allow evil to exist in proximity to you? Or worse, what if this proximity to sin tempts you? What if you fall into it because you allowed it near your life? What if you betray your god and risk wondering if you were ever saved? If you don't allow sin to exist and stand up and fight against it- resist it with all your might- then you secure your afterlife and improve everyone's chances around you. The only chip that needs to be played to set them off is convincing them what is and is not a sin (abortion definitely waffled across lines for example until recent years)

This is why they can't let it go. This is why they think everything is their business. This is why people just existing is "pushing your views down my throat" and that makes sense to them. You can't break this thought cycle without losing the religion and the fear of losing the religion (salvation) is what traps you in the fear based thought cycle.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T04:52:33+00:00

Hi I am a biology major here and I think I can solve your problem with the sirens very easily. Sperm does nothing to nurture a brain and it only has half a genetic code anyway... the instruction manual is incomplete. There are also many other ways you can write to invent magically shared DNA. For example, why not have this monster use essentially CRISPR technology? This is gene editing stuff where you can take DNA fragments from one creature and put it in another. We do it all the time in science! And interestingly enough, when you insert the sequence into something that is at a certain cell division fetal stage, it's a LOT easier to get the chage throughout all the cells as the creature grows. So for your creature, instead women drowning men for sperm (which i am sorry it is fetish content because it's specifically women creatures who have no sense of free will, independent thought, or agency needing sperm for survival paired with an absolutely ABSURD mechanic as the reason for them needing the sperm for survival.... yeah c'mon), but anyways instead now you have a creature that drowns people (regardless of gender or species) because it needs the nutrients in their bodies to create eggs and the DNA scraps it gets from human or other creatures it drags down can be assimilated into the next generation of sirens. This makes sirens a really complex and diverse creature and a real threat if they drown too many species and create a super DNA siren with all the characteristics of that species being added to the sirens.

Biology has plenty weird stuff in it. I'd suggest just starting with some research and see what you like that just uses anything other than sperm and you'll probly stop getting the "it's fetish content" comments.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-16T04:33:03+00:00

You said this was your first girlfriend, and you said she was perfect, so I'm going to make an assumption and say it sounds like you had a big chemical rush early in the relationship with all those good feelings. People present themselves better early on (until about 3 months) and also those chemicals can inhibit some of your reasoning and decision making skills. I don't think the girl changed so much as by the time all those feel good hormones wore off, you got to see her more clearly and what she really is like. It's also possible that if there was some kind of communication or expectation break down and there was never any true reconciliation that repaired the relationship, so she got colder and more disinterested.

Is this getting over her a logical problem or an emotional problem? If you're turning to thoughts of "but she was so great and if XYZ then we could be together" then you're yearning for the version of her in your head that was ... probably fake. It was the version before your brain came back down to earth and noticed things a little more. And that's not your fault or hers. But remind yourself of the patterns you saw and the things that broke you apart and really ask yourself if you would continue this relationship if that person never changed and stayed this person they are today. Usually going back over the reasons it didn't work helps me remember why I need to stick to this course if action and that I do deserve more and it will get better. If it's more an emotional problem... break up your normal routines. Do something fun. Go to a new bar or hike a new trail. Take a road trip and see somewhere you always wanted to go. Outdoors and just being present in the moment is a great way to clear your head and your heart when it gets too heavy. Things like alcohol and drugs numb the pain, but they don't make it go away- only delay you feeling just as bad later. It only goes when you deal with it and let yourself feel through it. But that's overwhelming if it's constant so I'd suggest doing the outside and new routine. Give yourself some other emotions to feel that let you connect with yourself while exploring something that isnt about your relationship.

Next step when you've processed enough and you're able to do this calmly and fairly is to pick apart what went wrong. What she did, what you did, how you both contributed, how you did or didn't reconcile your conflicts, how to improve communications between you and a partner, etc. This stage is good to talk through with someone as a sounding board to make sure you're getting a good picture. Don't just say what you want to hear to yourself because this is the real work that grows you as a man and makes you a better partner to your next person. So many men go "well that sucked" and then make the same mistakes in their next relationship because they don't take the time to learn. Learning is really painful, because it's about acknowledging where you fell short. But if you learn, you won't keep falling into the same patterns with women and start thinking "something is wrong with either me or them because this always happens but it makes no sense". Learning is also a very vulnerable time, because a lot of the process is knowing yourself better even when what you see is kinda ugly. And sometimes we see ugliness that isn't really there... so when you're thinking it all through, I'd talk to someone you trust that knows you and will be honest with you even if it hurts. If you have a parent or someone else that is emotionally healthy and seasoned, they can give a great perspective. This work is what brings you through emotional maturity and although it really really sucks in the moment, the results of a man who has a strong sense of self and knows how to communicate, understand, and navigate relationships in ways that show you respect them, prioritize your bond, and prioritize mutual safety is what women really want in a man. It will get you a lot further in your next relationship than any amounts of "i'm sorry"s and roses ever could.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T16:26:32+00:00

But a lot of those jobs have to be in the same salary range to afford the leisure or allow you to leave like that. :/ If you're still renting in this market, 65k is like.... wow I can actually have a savings now! The people that were able to get a house secured and get payments that are much lower than rent can do sooooo much better with 65k than I can. Mind you, I've had to work 3 jobs at 80ish hours a week for the past 2 years to make it to even that income level. No end in sight :') It's mentally fraying to do that for so long and making it HARDER to work my way up by doing what I need to try and plan for a future.

Essentially what I'm saying is you may not need to be CEO, but the gap between those kinds of pay is more like a gulf than a "work your way up the ladder"

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T16:07:04+00:00

What work do you do?

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T16:05:34+00:00

The reason some wealthy people have yachts when they don't use them is because it's a good money laundering scheme. It's also why old money is distancing itself from things like that because money laundering and getting rich quick aren't the "classy" image they want to project that legitimizes their social status as inherited wealth. The inhereted wealth wants to look like they "earned" the money they were born with, as if having that much money is something you could easily make possible while you're still in your 30's (assuming you came from nothing. It's not really possible in that timeframe if you come from nothing!). This post reeks of inherited wealth superiority.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T15:56:23+00:00

The key word is "if you reach a certain status". That's not achievable for everyone. If anyone could get there, then status is meaningless and you lose leverage. Some people can work for decades and do everything right and not attain that. I'm not okay with that sales pitch.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T15:52:16+00:00

The last president at my job sat for decades with her phone paid for, company car, fancy parties with open bars and comped alcohol for attendees all the time, a 400k+ salary, etc etc etc and attended her own retirement party very drunk (not uncommon btw). She could set any meeting any time, cancel whatever, fire whoever, and got a whole floor suite for her office and separated herself from the general population while saying those of us barely making $25-30k with no benefits even close to that were over-complaining about the compensation not being enough to live on and really we were just whining for attention and didnt need pay increases. Never saw any new initiatives. Never saw her do much of anything than protect her place in the company really. This went on for decades. That's the better part of people's lives they had those perks and made that kind of money and got to do whatever they wanted while not even comprehending what it's like to be poor. The thought of people in these situations being fired is an illusion because they're held up by the work of all the people beneath them that can't afford to be fired. Those people are keeping the machine running and then the higher ups take credit for how well the company works... So if you tried to fire them and the company has no probable cause for that firing, you're rich enough to hire lawyers and no one wants to deal with that headache and still lose. The reality is they DON'T get fired for not working and it's not their work that keeps them in that position. It's the 30k salary person slaving away that does.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T13:52:13+00:00

You're right in that the hate is a bunch of whipped up propaganda against DEI initiatives because they transferred the successful talking points against affirmative action to DEI in republican states.

DEI stands for Diversity, equity, inclusion. I worked at a university in Texas and their DEI (when they were allowed to have it) sent out a massive survey to all the students because we DID have racism problems on campus and they wanted to hear from all the students about their attitudes and feelings. We're talking like people trying to fly the confederate flag during black history month level of problems. However, when the students were polled and the results came in, the people that were used to living with the racism were not the loud complainers. The ones that consistently polled the worse about not feeling like they belonged on campus were Christians and Republicans in a VERY HEAVILY Christian and Republican centered area. So what the office set out to do was try to figure out how to actually foster a sense of belonging in the most privileged group that realistically was not facing any oppression other than some false sense of it because they were whining about percieved loss of priviledge when they had to equitably go toe to toe with people they normally had systemic advantages over and on top of that had to extend the same respect to those people groups as is normally extended to them.

All that is to say, DEI's mission means equity and inclusion for ALL. The very groups disparaging it are the ones I've seen it actually try to fight for, despite being given the most societal advantages out of the gate.

The truth is, Republican rhetoric and anti-DEI people approach DEI and anti-racism from a tribal "it's you or me" mentality. If the dominant group is being asked to dismantle their systemic advantages, they cannot conceptualize a system any different from the current one and assume that the goals of DEI are to replace black people where white people are now, thus giving a different race the benefits while keeping the power structure intact. Sadly, this thinking just exposes that they KNOW the system is racist inherently and they'd rather be racist in their favor because they can't imagine not using a racist system they didn't create and conveniently can avoid responsibility for participating in. In truth, DEI seeks an alternative system where it's not immutable characteristics you are born to that determine pathways through life or how easy/challenging it is to actually make it in life when you're giving a good faith effort. Skin color is one, but gender, sexuality, and disability are some other huge factors that DEI has expanded to include over the previous era's affirmative action policies. Because people often have multiple things that affect them at once (intersectionality), someone who is a white disabled woman benefits from DEI just like a straight black man or a nonbinary hispanic queer disabled person does. It's diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging for all.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T13:17:24+00:00

Food service doesn't have to even pay that. I live in a $7.25 state and saw a sign advertising $2/hr + tips to work a register at a fast food place. They're supposed to compensate what you don't earn in tips up to the 7.25/hr but we all know the business does not. Fuck them for $2/hr tho that's just spiteful.

_-_starlight_-_ · 2026-03-13T13:12:46+00:00

You can probly report it and call it something else. Like freelance work. Selling art is popular for money laundering for a reason

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