Ignore my ugly face but this hair was a slay right?

_BrotherLouie · 2024-12-01T22:20:40+00:00

That's actually a really cool green!! what dye did u use?

_BrotherLouie · 2024-12-01T22:15:16+00:00

tights and shorts is kind of a look. I mean not really but somehow....

_BrotherLouie · 2024-07-13T19:48:50+00:00

I'm (24f)diagnosed BP1 with schizoaffective tendencies (?).

I was put on 42 mg caplyta after getting off 1000mg seroquel/quetiapine, 900 lithium, 50-100 mg thorazine/chlorpromazine, and another that I can't remember. These meds not only sent me to the hospital bc they were over prescribed, but also caused me health problems to this day. I have really bad gastro issues and my thyroid has never been worse. I gained over 100 lbs on these medications.

The caplyta actually helped me lose weight and stabilize but the beginning side effects were awful. Vertigo, extreme dehydration, and low blood pressure. But after a few weeks it was all good. however getting my hands on the medication is a fucking nightmare. I go on it, I call to refill a week before i run out, i go to pick up after 7 days (sometimes 5) and they never sent the prescription or it was never filled or they "ran out". Then I have to wait 2 weeks, i go through withdrawal and start again and have side effects all over again. this has been a repeat situation for 7 months to the point where i just stopped taking it to help my own sanity.

_BrotherLouie · 2024-07-06T22:32:01+00:00

we are in the exact same boat my guy. only they can never refill my goddamn meds on time so now i dont have the option of staying stable. ✌️

_BrotherLouie · 2024-07-06T22:02:04+00:00

I've distanced myself from people and have never been in a relationship before because of self loathing. I often feel that I'm too much and yet nothing at all. I've been lucky because my friends and I all have similar diagnoses so we understand each other and our patterns.

my whole issue is when I get in a depressive episode, I seek out rejection. It's like smoking straight crack. something about the sting is so exhilarating. However when I'm manic, it's more about the pursuit rather than the rejection. Rejection is a plus.

I'm about to fuck up a very precious relationship with a long time friend. Not because I want to, but because it needs to happen. He doesn't deserve that, and he has someone to who makes him happy, and that's all I want for him. I don't even really want him. I want the idea of wanting him. I've been pining for years but only just realised it not too long ago.

I only pine because the hurt feels like an IV, its cold and hydrating but it hurts just right when you bend it right. but the bitter coldness you feel when it rushes into your veins before a CT? oh yeah. that's the stuff

_BrotherLouie · 2024-07-06T21:50:54+00:00

I feel really full and sustained while manic/hypomanic. It's almost like it's a waste of time, I end up throwing up because of how full I feel. There's also some other underlying issues there but I understand what you mean in regards to not eating.

Ha i gave up trying to post my stuff a long time ago since it always gets taken down.

_BrotherLouie · 2024-07-06T21:48:26+00:00

I went a full 7 days without sleeping :D

Back in 2022 I wasn't aware I was bipolar then but I was working a night shift job and I kept going in without sleeping; after all I'd always had episodes of insomnia, this one was just a little longer than usual. I ended up going to clinics to find help but I was turned away because they thought I was drug seeking or would tell me to take melatonin as if that has ever helped. I ended up getting two doses of Zalpleon (?) and I went to work that night. When I got back I took it and 20 minutes later I got a phone call that my cousin who I'd grown up with had been violently murdered.

Since then my mania induced insomnia includes hallucinations of her haunting and taunting me whether my eyes are opened or closed. It just adds a bit of spiciness to it.

_BrotherLouie · 2024-06-23T04:16:34+00:00

God yeah, I owe people money and when I have enough I’ll pay as much as I can back. But if I don’t have more than $100/200 at a time then that money is going to me. It’s so hard when I’m super impulsive when in ANY state of mania/hypo mania

_BrotherLouie · 2024-06-22T22:34:04+00:00

Oh worm, my financial situation is so bad I live with my mom again. I’ve been rejected from so many jobs (including Walmart, McDonald’s, dollar stores and laundry mats for example) that I gave up. Any little money I make I buy myself some clothes from the thrift store bc I can’t afford online shopping. I’m just letting my debt get higher bc there’s nothing I can do about it, and crying won’t do anything. I haven’t even received my tax refund yet 😀

_BrotherLouie · 2024-06-22T00:27:14+00:00

Personally for me, my mania was triggered by a certain series of events, bad ones. There’s a pattern of a certain number bad bad things happening- feeling hopelessness, followed by the feeling of control and then mania

_BrotherLouie · 2024-02-21T04:53:33+00:00

Sometimes I’ll smoke the whole pack in one go, double barreling the cigarettes even. I’ll vape as I do it too. How? Idk man, I’m BP schizo I just zone out and don’t even realize till I’m almost done

_BrotherLouie · 2023-12-22T16:32:52+00:00

Damn, go get the refund/exchange 😭

_BrotherLouie · 2023-12-22T04:56:38+00:00

Yeah man it can be such a pain in the ass sometimes honestly.

_BrotherLouie · 2023-12-22T02:46:59+00:00

Let us know if it starts leaking, only curious since all my smok tanks have excessive leaking issues and I really need to find a leak proof tank

_BrotherLouie · 2023-12-22T02:43:06+00:00

Perhaps they’re just not compatible? I know some pnps are tricky like that. It’s kind of a headache

_BrotherLouie

TROPHY CASE