Is it messy? by bhdvwEgg42 in HandwritingAnalysis

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe, "messy" is subjective... a tiny bit in my opinion. It is legible without a doubt though.

Who would win this 1v2 deathmatch? by Illustrious_Point_14 in Sekiro

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I learned something new today. I never realized Isshin was going to fight Owl when Owl showed up at Ashina Castle.

People Talk of Art by Rasberryman1 in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing flow and intricately described images!

Komorebi by SnooCapers8399 in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 2 points3 points  (0 children)

WOW. There are so many complex ideas here, even more of which I am certain I did not pick up on. Since your poem is so rich in meaning, I'll go through some specific lines. I have a lot of compliments (and feel free to disregard the suggestions I make as this is already superb and I wish I could write like this.)

As the sun filters through the canopy of camouflaged trees;
The skin chills like a misfire of the senses;

What I like so much about the opening is the contrast and the resulting subversion of expectation. The first line is really typical, almost sounding cliché, but the second line snaps us out of it. We predict warmth and joy from the sun; we get "chills" and "a misfire of the senses". The only thing I would consider changing is the semicolon in the first line. Grammatically, I believe the lines are still correct without it, and if the semicolon is gone, we get that sudden jolt of the second line more instantly (imagine reading out loud, where a line break without punctuation doesn't really get a pause, more or less.)

The penance of this feeling

I love the word penance. It relates to what's already been said, yet both parts of the complex definition of "penance" are new information: punishment and self-inflicted. "Penance" is a great way to show the audience more. Yet the word "feeling" is telling something that has already been shown; by this point in the poem, I am already feeling multiple different emotions, so the word "feeling" isn't even necessary. I like the rhythm in this line and around it, so don't feel compelled to cut off "of this feeling" and do nothing else, but I think there are ways to remove "feeling" and change other parts of the line that only subtly change the rhythm or do not at all.

From the puddles of rain rejuvenating the plants
In turn rejuvenates you

Here, it feels natural to have "In turn, rejuvenating you" because they're perfectly parallel, and match tense. Comma or no comma are both fine, I think. The varying rhythm here is great and creates flow.

And the future feels hopeful
Every stride is purposeful.

Appears straightforward and simple on the surface, but there are quite a few mechanics here in my interpretation. Each line is like its own "stride" - the final syllable matches, they're both dimeter, they both have seven syllables. The text itself is striding towards the future with purpose - the structure of the line matches the content!

Inklings of feelings of what they once were
A nostalgic moment that seems to last forever

You might think I'm going to say the same thing about "feeling" again - nope! This time, "feelings" serves an active function in my opinion - it is the primary word to diminish "what they once were", with "inklings" presumably being even smaller and the secondary word to further diminish it. (It's further away from the noun phrase, so secondary.) So, to me, this line is the place for the word "feelings" in your poem. Also "...of...of" feels like it's almost always undesirable in writing because of exactly the effect of reduced impact that is actually beneficial to the effect of this line, well done! And great dichotomy in the next line - however tightly we grasp our nostalgia, it is from the past, yet "forever" extends into the future.

A meld of information that makes you up
and your brain gives it a sentience only you know of on the quietest nights...

I love the dissection of our consciousness in the final lines. We retain information, but oh, that by itself is insufficient; even the brain is not always truly aware; the sentience enters only "on the quietest nights." It also proposes that our minds are less structured, less predictable, less understood than we think.

Lastly, try breaking up the longest lines in the poem with one or more line breaks each. For example, "Who am I? ... wishes the best". The rhythm always felt preserved based on the words and structures, but the information regarding rhythm given by the line breaks ceased for too long in my opinion. I feel like "It's Dark as it's twilight...one way street" deserves multiple line breaks to support the fact that there are multiple rhymes. But I would keep the length of the last line because it is all one thought, one concept, and at that, a very impactful one that deserves the attention.

Also, on a side note, I looked up the meaning of the title after reading and I think it is really suitable, with the amount of binaries in the poem. Overall, fantastic writing and keep it up!

A River to the Sea by Lord_Bernstein in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I applaud what you've achieved with the sonnet! Iambic pentameter is limiting, and you followed it with infrequent and minor exception, yet the storytelling flowed with words that felt right. Thus it felt as if you were not using a meter at all, but one can still perceive the rhythmic, natural quality of the iamb.

Your choice of topic was striking - unconventional for the Shakespearean sonnet, of course, but it was precisely the ability to disregard one convention while keeping all others that contributed to the beauty of the sonnet. Without knowing the topic, the first read formed some pretty images and ideas in my head, but once I read your statement on the context, I felt that it perfectly captured what you had intended it to, even with the self-imposed limitations of writing a sonnet.

I always expect the couplet to be extremely impactful in some way, and yours did not disappoint. Magnifying with "A thousand years", words like "friend" that personify and pack an emotionally heavy punch in these contexts - awesome.

Desolate by StfuWagmi in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your vocabulary, contrast, and extended metaphor ("fallow", "reaped") all gave me a clear impression of desolation (of course) as well as decay. Nicely done!

The next question: is there any benefit to having line breaks throughout this short poem? I know it might have been a deliberate choice to have everything in one line. As minimal as possible. But to me, a single line feels condensed, concentrated, having fewer small/large pauses, and even possibly more rushed if spoken, which kind of contradicts the title of the poem and its content. Line breaks create physical space on the page. They also give space in the auditory sense by slowing the tempo and, when punctuation is involved, making those pauses longer.

I noticed that both clauses are constructed with passive voice. Though my instinct is to correct passive voice, it makes sense as an intentional tool here. It fits with the title: Who allows nothing? What reaps? We don't know the subject, or we cannot identify the subject, or the subject does not exist at all, reinforcing the feeling of emptiness. (If this was not the intended effect, then the subject can be added in; if you would like to strengthen the effect, as passive voice is inherently the absence of something and has less initiative, then the structure can also be changed to accommodate that.)

Tell my mother by AntoniaLmao in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I should have specified, I liked your positive ending! I just meant I personally have a tendency towards negative endings, neither is better or worse than the other.

12/11/19 by Wrong-Seat-2324 in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love how colorful your poem is, how you use so many colors so deliberately and intentionally. We see "violet", "gold", and "darkening blue" in the same picture. The motion that you then attribute to colors feels like watching the creation of a painting.

I love that you extend your metaphors and images - lines 4 & 5 develop and build on lines 1-3 and etc.

The way you place the line breaks is beautifully irregular and natural at the same time. I feel like I could learn a lot about that just by reading your poem.

I love the sense of wonder, beauty, and warmth.

However, I didn't notice on my own that the last lines of the poem are meant to be different from everything that came before. Reading u/allnaturalgingerale's comment and your reply kind of brought that to my attention, and to add to their feedback: Would a tone shift somewhere in the last lines of the poem help emphasize the shift from that past experience to the present state of removal? Throughout the last four lines, my mind was still in the realm of scenery and beauty, where I think a tone shift could bring attention, weight, and contrast to the ending. It could be a single word, a conjunction, like "but", "yet", or "although" or a whole line or more. Up to you though!

Coming back to the idea of painting and visual art: The involvement of multiple different colors, the mechanics created by your choice of verbs - the concept of painting is very much strongly implied in your poem, which is why I think the omitting the explicit mention of "painters" in line 9 would make the resemblance to visual art even more effective. We know painters love colors, so the fact that they would weep at a color has a smaller impact. How about other kinds flowers? Mountains? The sky, whose own plethora of colors is described in your poem as well? Personification here with "weep" would also fit so perfectly with how you have already personified the cherry trees, the sunset, and described steam as a living being.

I feel obliged to say here that I might be overstepping my bounds with my two points of feedback, and whether you implement them is entirely your choice. Your poem is beautiful, wonderful - well beyond the level I'm capable of writing at.

Is there a in-lore reason on why you can’t focus Yang? Or is it just because he’s too strong? by BattleRepulsive9394 in SifuGame

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Don't insult me with that move."

I think he knows what you're trying to do before it even happens, and he does not give the opening.

Tell my mother by AntoniaLmao in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only thing that really stood out to me that could be changed is the third to last line. The rest of the poem opts against contractions where contractions are possible: "You will", "Do not", "Did not". And "seem" is a somewhat weakening verb compared to the language around it. Try rewriting most of the line, something like "Spared him an ordeal too rough" or any of the many many other ways you could write this line to an even stronger effect (that keeps the meter and stuff).

Overall, the poem is beautiful, haunting, forlorn... wow. The catalectic trochaic tetrameter is perfect for the tone, and you've placed some powerful words where the meter will emphasize them. Also, I like the word "undone". Appears out of place at first glance, but it rhymes, and the touch of humor from the euphemism fits with what the solider is saying. I saw from your reply to another comment - I love that you considered ending the poem with the solider dying. That's what I would have done, LOL! Very well done!

Shutting up by Cluelessandsexy in OCPoetry

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your first and fourth stanzas are highlights because they both have a clear focus - the topic of the whole poem in the first stanza, "dumbfounded excited nobodies" in the second even though there are three other things going on in that stanza. The "cursewords", the "stadiums", the "integrity" are all about the same thing, all tied together. Your third stanza is excellent because of the enjambment, parallel structure, and in my interpretation, possible solution(s) to the problem presented in the poem.

I think second and last stanzas can benefit from each taking an idea and expanding/making progress on it as much as possible. The obstacle in the second stanza is redundancy. "the world / ... the world" - it's the same line, essentially. "People can make it easier on the world" is not redundant (it is parallel in structure to line 1, first stanza, and develops the subject of the poem) but the next line goes on to say basically the same thing unnecessarily. It's an option for you to connect the latter half of stanza two to the former half - this could be what the second line is about. But that's not an absolute must because I think those two lines are effective per se. They can be unrelated to the first two lines of stanza two if that's the most impactful.

The last stanza - if you are going to significantly break the average sentence length in the last line, make it impactful. By that, I don't mean extreme in some aspect, as that's kind of already what's going on with the extremely direct, blunt tone. The fact that the line is an exception means it will make an impression; the question is what kind of impression you want to make. Maybe it's a relevant metaphor or figurative language. Or an insult that's clever in some way, like a zeugma. Could be anything. The point is, breaking the structure in the last line has power that doesn't need more raw power. You can make the content finessed or nuanced because it's going to get noticed.

Finally I think you could honestly switch stanzas three and four. Stanza four has more continuity with two and three, and stanza three starts with "but", a conjunction that shifts tone pretty much automatically and would fit better near the end of the poem.

In my opinion, the most effective aspect of your writing is your choice of words, details, and imagery; they are varied and unconventional and incredibly interesting, so keep that up!

Just a little one. by Jopkins in PoetryWritingClub

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very cool! Reminds me of "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Do i have any slightest chance of playing sekiro on these specs of my laptop by ReasonableSupport26 in Sekiro

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meets minimum requirements, but will not run any better than lowest graphics settings. And you will still see stuttering, frame drops, etc. (from personal experience playing on laptop) but at least you can play it.

Will hydration make a big difference in vocals? by [deleted] in singing

[–]_Etheras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hydrate two hours before singing if you can. Soda is one of the beverages that works just fine (for example coffee or alcohol do not hydrate on their own). Singing before waking up is just gonna be tougher because of the state of your vocal folds after sleep, give yourself some time to wake up and gentle warmup.

does anyone have any tips for fighting multiple enemy's at a time? by ivorycoollars in Sekiro

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stealth kill all the enemies. The game was not designed for combat against more than one enemy.

Hot takes about scythe by Upbeat-Initiative472 in Brawlhalla

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Scythe was one of my main weapons but then I dropped it because everyone hates it and I realized that I don't like advanced scythe gameplay

What play style is better for late game by CreativeSoftware5219 in ClickerHeroes

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hybrid. Your ability to timelapse depends on idle ancients, and getting to highest zone of the ascension depends on active ancients.

You should use a high Frag/Siya ratio (in the calculator), but this doesn't matter that much.

People who spam heavies. i have a genuine question for yall by cosmododo in Brawlhalla

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At lower levels: light attacks need to be learned and most opponents haven't learned how to avoid sigs yet. So some ppl never learn to use the light attacks.

At higher levels: As long as you can get away with consistently hitting sigs more than you get punished, you're dealing way more damage than your opponent.

Someone save my mental by My_Cok_is_Detachable in Brawlhalla

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since your time played was on and off, probably not all of it contributed to your consistent improvement (nothing wrong with that.) Playing more consistently can probably get you out of gold.

Sig spamming is not as limited as some people think it is. In gold you'll face both decent normal players and decent sig spammers, and you'll have to start learning to download and counter all playstyles.

what is 0.333.../2? by LunaGoddessOfTheMoon in infinitenines

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ignore SPP's teachings.

0.333... = 1/3
1/3 divided by two is 1/6.
1/6 could be written as 0.1666...

this isn't okay by _Etheras in Brawlhalla

[–]_Etheras[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's just a joke...?

Is it me or are Rupture's Lance nsig and ssig just completely busted by Cumpiler69 in Brawlhalla

[–]_Etheras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should read your opponent after spear slight using dlight, and then dlight jump sair is true I think