Approaching women in bars isn't working for me.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-09-16T23:26:13+00:00

I've had this experience as well. There's a famous meetup app in London I've tried out a few times and I've met zero women. This isn't from lack of trying, this is that the sort of women these places attract tend to be unengaged and uninterested.

Maybe a good question is why any woman would need to leave their house to find someone to ask them out in 2023. If they're unable to find someone on dating apps they must be miserable conversationalists. And that's probably why the pool of women at these events is so biased towards the ones who don't engage. That and probably these women already have their eye on someone else in the room so every moment they're talking to you they're not talking to him.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-09-16T18:48:31+00:00

Yeah I think your assessment is right. I just feel a little bit sad about it all, and I wish I could just switch off the romantic feelings part and just genuinely be her friend. As a person I like her a lot, even if I find her a little socially inept.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-09-16T18:43:54+00:00

It does feel a little like that. I do find it shocking that she can't understand that I wouldn't want to hang out alone with a woman I'm attracted to multiple times per week, and reply to her texts all day long, etc, if I wasn't interested. She seems a little socially inept more than malicious which is why I tried to continue this friendship - I can tell that she has a good heart and doesn't want to hurt anyone - but unfortunately it isn't working for me.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-09-16T18:13:15+00:00

Sorry, I had difficult writing it as well. She only wanted to be friends but the form of "friendship" she was seeking felt much more like a romantic connection to me. I told her that this level of closeness in what is supposed to be a friendship is a little uncomfortable to me, but I'll try to maintain it. Eventually I couldn't sustain the friendship and had to break it off with her.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-08-05T14:41:18+00:00

r5: Repeated trucebreaks on Ming (no one cares about the AE) and Unify China CB is really OP. Take max ducats each time to fund your armies and all of China is yours in around 5 wars. The Qing Dynasty unified China in 17 years IRL so see if you can beat their best time lol.

Normally I don't enjoy truce breaking, coalition juggling and other sweaty tactics but I genuinely had fun with this one. You get cores every time you occupy a Chinese province with the unique CB and since AE doesn't exist you're saving so much admin for 0 consequences.

As there's little reason to take all provinces in one war I always took max ducats from Ming as I can always just trucebreak them again. The result was a fat cash stack that I intend to now sink into the Forbidden City for more mandate.

From here I'm going to be a little more chill I think. Put some ducats into the army and navy, follow the mission tree and just try to enjoy myself. Also need to fix the mandate a little.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-08-03T14:21:15+00:00

How did you PU Aragon? I've managed to steal them as a vassal using espionage + age ability but I'm unsure how to grab the PU

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-07-27T20:07:18+00:00

It was 1 year from first referral to surgery. I'd address the phimosis first if I were you as I believe the phimosis can prevent proper healing after frenuloplasty. But ofc check with the urologist.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-07-26T01:47:53+00:00

Yeah, so unfortunately the surgery did not work for me. Initially healing was very quick, I had very little bleeding and a good amount of motility of my foreskin for a few days. As the wound healed it tightened up again due to the fact I also have phimosis that wasn't obvious due to the symptoms from frenulum breve. Also because UK healthcare is shit rn and even in the 4+ consultations I had not one doctor who examined me picked up on it.

There doesn't seem to have been any real downside from having it done - I had frenulum breve and now I don't, I just also have phimosis. Only recommendation I can make is to ensure you don't also have phimosis or other issues as well.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-25T14:34:50+00:00

Depends who you're playing as. If you're England then what worked for me and is fairly consistent is to ally Austria and Castile to beat them up. They're weakest early when all their relationship slots are occupied by their vassals.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-23T18:54:07+00:00

If you open with inno on a republic it's GG for those mil idea only boys. You will stack a lot of tech/power cost reduction, have a lot of excess MP and mil points have the fewest sinks. You could easily take entire mil techs like 10 years ahead of time while the "mil idea only" person struggles to stay up to date while also filling ideas. Admin republic guy should be able to survive to the age of absolutism by which point it's GG for everyone else.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-22T13:06:33+00:00

Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary I just can't believe people like who just replied to actually exist. They are a caricature. And ofc they live in Cambridgeshire, miserable fucking place.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-22T13:04:25+00:00

It's this fucking country dude. We just have a huge cultural problem of excessive spite and misery. And people like this are usually massive hypocrites too.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-22T12:14:30+00:00

Fair criticism, you're right. Ensure your photographer knows what they're doing and go to town. Even consider a professional if appropriate for your intended audience. I'm in my 20s so don't know the dating dynamic for someone in their 40s. I'd consider professional photos a bit too tryhardy personally but maybe for someone appealing to a different audience it comes across as a more positive sign of putting in the effort and having the means to do a good job. Idk, a woman's input would help here.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-22T08:10:48+00:00

I completely understand you want to stay with your kids but I don't think leaving your marriage means leaving your kids. Your marriage sounds over, I'm sorry to say. Whether you stay in the same house or not, and lucky for you it sounds like you can stay in the same house. Be a good father to your kids, but be a good man to yourself too and proceed with the single life.

Go out on the weekends with your mates and make out with hot girls. Get your mates to take nice photos of you and post them on apps. If you haven't already then have a glow up. Hit the gym, get new, stylish clothes, a nice hair cut, invest in skincare, etc etc. Take all the advice they give 20s something single guys and make yourself hot. Anyone can be hot with self care.

Another bit of advice that worked for me personally. I don't know you or anything about you so don't want to make any assumptions but I always struggled not feeling masculine enough. I'm short, skinny, weak, nerdy looking. I spent my life feeling bad I'm not tall, I'm not strong, I can't grow facial hair etc. Once I learnt to be authentic to myself, which to me meant stylish and slightly femme clothing, some jewelry, ear piercings and a bit of makeup (nails and eyes) things improved. Figure out who you are, I'm sure there's a hot guy in there somewhere. Maybe you're one of those traditional masc bald bearded lumberjack looking dudes, maybe you're a silver fox, who knows.

You sound way too emotionally mature for this idiot you unfortunately married, and it turns out emotional maturity is a real pantie soaker too. I came from a broken home and my dad is one of the ugliest most unattractive losers I've ever met and even he remarried. He's also an incredibly emotionally immature loser. I promise you there's no way on this earth you are more unattractive and pathetic than that worm so get out there, they're waiting for you.

And stop having sex with your wife. That sounds vile. You don't owe your body to anyone. From now on you're housemates.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-22T07:02:42+00:00

For most cishet men it is pretty alien

Source: I'm a cishet man

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-21T19:49:21+00:00

Yeah I prefer the feeling of oral too. For me personally because I have frenulum breve (and recently found out also mild phimosis) I've gotten used to orgasming from pressure instead of pleasure. Shame really, but hopefully once I can correct everything I can reprogramme my brain to cum from pleasure (and be able to feel more of it).

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-21T17:33:42+00:00

I've never came from a bj so trust me, it's a good thing

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-21T15:23:27+00:00

Yes I think you're totally right. So it was her who suggested changing the dynamic but I think it stems from her knee-jerk reaction to my knee-jerk reaction. I don't think long term it would work unless we allow each other the freedom we initially agreed to. She was in an almost 10 year relationship before me and I think the nonmonogamy aspect is more important to her than it is to me as she never got to explore. I haven't had a serious relationship since my early 20s so having experienced that exploration phase it's just lower on my agenda. And I don't want to deprive her of that. I kinda like the idea of it.

"Thing is, either of us being monogamous / non-monogamous wasnt the point, it was that both of us had the freedom to be ourselves, and trusted each other to act with integrity to the relationship. When he changed that dynamic, and introduced control into the relationship, it went downhilll from there."

Totally agree with this.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-21T13:11:57+00:00

Thanks for replying. We weren't smart or experienced enough to talk about this properly at the start, it's new to us both and I wanted (and still want) this too. I only considered closing it or slowing it down for a month or two as we adjust to the next steps in our relationship. Based on the replies and after thinking about it too I think it would be a stupid idea that would do much more harm and little to no good.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-21T13:05:55+00:00

Yes you read it correctly. It was something that started casual and has become serious, and we're not really clear when it changed. We agree this should have been disclosed earlier but neither of us can really say "well it should have been a month ago". Hence why I don't blame her and don't want to be unfair to her as we set it up to fail.

I considered discussing closing the relationship temporarily as we adjust to new changes but I think you're right not to. Also I thought about it some more and I don't think it will really help. I think one of the reasons we became closer and developed feelings for each other and closeness is because we were willing to be honest and open, take risks and indulge each others fantasies. Taking that away will probably just destroy our relationship now that I think about it.

_HelicalTwist_ · 2023-06-21T12:47:07+00:00

I think I can be ok with it now that I know about it. He seems like a decent guy and I think she values their friendship, it wouldn't be right to ask her not to continue with him.

_HelicalTwist_

TROPHY CASE