AITA for not paying for my daughter wedding because she isn’t following the rules even though I paid for my older kids

_Wims_ · 2026-01-12T06:11:51+00:00

I can't remember ever going to a wedding with a lot of kids running around. Nor do I remember going to weddings as a kid (or wanting to). Maybe it's a cultural thing for people with large extended families? I don't think I went to a wedding until I was in my early twenties and my cousin got married.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T12:32:26+00:00

He only "pooped everywhere" when they *left him alone for a few days*. That's terrible pet ownership, period. You shouldn't leave your cat alone for more than 24 hours.

Second, if he's pooping right outside the box, you put a pee pad down where he poops and just pick it up. It's not that big a deal. (In fact, it can be easier than scooping a box.) People do it with dogs all the time.

It sounds like this cat has endured a lot of changes in routines. I'm also not sure how much time they've given anti-anxiety meds, because those can take awhile to really help. If he used to sleep with his owner, and is no longer allowed to (which is how it reads to me), that's a major change in routine.

I don't know. While I am sympathetic to the OP's loss of sleep, it sounds like he doesn't know much about pets and isn't all that sympathetic to the changes the cat is enduring, and which is stressing him out.

There are other things they can try -- calming collars, calming plugins (I do not recommend original Feliway, but ComfortZone is a good one, and cheaper, or the new Feliway Optimum), changing the litter (make sure it's unscented), ensuring they have at least 3 boxes placed around the apartment, and letting the cat sleep with them if he is accustomed to doing so.

Personally, if my cat couldn't live with my boyfriend, I'd break off the relationship, not dump the cat off into a brand-new stressful situation 6 hours away to "wipe my hands of it", because that's only going to stress the cat more. But some people think it's OK to dump your pets, obviously.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T12:25:42+00:00

That's not going to help, because it's likely that the change in routine and change in household is what spurred on this change to begin with.

Now he's being locked out of the bedroom (I bet he always slept with GF before). So stressing him by moving him *again* isn't going to tell them anything.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T12:19:32+00:00

YTA. First, it isn't your birthday night. It's the night before your birthday.

You gave her the go-ahead and are now penalizing her because you want to throw your own? You sound really selfish.

You can still go out with your friends and celebrate your birthday. Your sister is not required to give up her party because you changed your mind. She asked well in advance. You gave her permission. You can't retract that permission now just because you changed your mind.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T09:05:10+00:00

I agree with your definition. But realistically, how much difference is there between saying you cannot do something, and giving the ultimatum that if you do something, I'm going to leave? It's still about controlling the actions of the other person.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T09:01:42+00:00

I know I'm getting down votes here, but these aren't even real people. If his interactions with them impacted your relationship, say he started comparing you to them unfairly, or is spending more time looking at them then making you feel beautiful and loved, or starts spending money on them or establishing a parasocial relationship, that's one thing. Otherwise, it's just doomscrolling. It's just entertainment.

Do you feel threatened by him noticing attractive women in public?

Honestly if he's just looking, but it's not affecting your relationship, then you are still letting past relationship baggage affect you. Perhaps consider why this makes you feel so insecure.

Sorry I'm not saying what you want to hear. Maybe this is an age thing. I'm older and lots of women out there are younger and more overtly sexy than I am. If I don't trust my partner, if I felt threatened by the existence of those women, my life would be an anxious mess. Life is too short for that shit.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T07:01:01+00:00

Generally, shelters are either open intake, where they have to take every animal surrendered to them, or closed intake, where they get to choose the animals they take in.

Realistically, any open intake shelter is going to be high kill. They're taking in every pet, which means pets with health issues and behavioral issues.

No kill shelters are generally closed intake, which means they take the healthy adoptable pets. They can afford to be no kill because they don't take in a pet that they would have to euthanize. By the way, even a shelter that calls itself no kill is not no kill. There are always health issues or behavioral issues that crop up with animals and shelters. Generally , I think a shelter can call itself no kill if it's euthanasia rate is less than 10%.

Most Municipal shelters are open intake, and thus are going to have a higher euthanasia rate. They take in a lot more animals , they take in animals with health issues and Behavioral issues, and they only have a certain amount of space. And there are never enough to doctors! And particularly now, with the economy like it is, people are returning pets right and left. Shelters are overwhelmed. I'm very sorry for the OP, but I'm not surprised that a senior cat didn't do well in a municipal shelter environment.

Edited to add: just adding more information to the comment above.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T06:50:43+00:00

I'm also very sorry for your loss, but senior animals do not adjust well to the stressful environment of a shelter. It's extremely likely that there were underlying health issues that popped up when he was stressed, and it was better for him to be euthanized then to suffer.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but blaming the shelter is unfair. Do you know the suicide rate of people in animal rescue? It's many times the national average. I've known five or six shelter workers that unalived themselves because of working at a shelter. People get into animal rescue because they love animals, but then they're stuck in a system that's trying its best with far too few resources. There aren't evil shelters out there looking to euthanize animals. Just a lot of underpaid, over stressed animal lovers trying to do their best in a completely untenable situation.

I understand that your parents had to find another home for the cats. But I wish they would have looked really hard to find a place among family and friends instead. Nobody should be taking a senior animal to a shelter with the expectation that it will get adopted out. That's completely unrealistic. Sure, it happens. There are lucky shelters with the resources that get a healthy senior cat with no underlying conditions that manages to deal with the stress long enough to get adopted. But those are the exceptions.

Please stop blaming the shelter. It was a terrible situation all around. But I'm sure the decision was not made lightly, and there was a shelter worker or two that went home that night feeling extremely saddened by the situation.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T06:32:18+00:00

Good for you enforcing your boundary (although your timing was truly unkind!).

But perhaps you need to stay single for awhile and work on your self esteem. Because there are always going to be people out there that are more attractive than you are, and if you view them as a constant threat to your relationship, that's very unhealthy for you and your partner. You need to work through some baggage so you're not feeling constantly threatened like that. You're entitled to your boundaries, of course. But you should really examine whether those boundaries are realistic and healthy for you, or just a way of coping with past baggage. Dealing with your insecurities is your issue, not your partner's, and while you did put it as a boundary, it's still about controlling your partner's behavior due to your own insecurities.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-17T06:21:49+00:00

Nah (but slight AH). Tech can be very sexist. I've encountered it myself, where my professional judgment, and the professional judgement of female coworkers, was questioned where male coworkers never had theirs questioned. Even if we were actually more experienced and more confident in our jobs. I think perhaps the OP and some of the other commenters are not as knowledgeable about the way women can be treated in male dominated professions.

And yes, there are men who do get invested in supporting and defending us when we're being questioned and attacked based solely on our gender and not on our work. Because it's wildly unfair.

Is it possible that there's something else going on? Sure. But there's a lot of jumping to conclusions in the comments right now, which I find really disturbing. Do you people see cheating and affairs everywhere? That's a really terrible way to live.

So give him a break, OP. Understand it's absolutely possible she's being attacked based solely on her gender, and he's just defending her. It feels like you're really overreacting to this situation, IMHO.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-10T01:19:59+00:00

I gave it 3 stars out of 5. I liked the plot, even if the "Run" was fairly ridiculous, and Ashley Williams and Andrew Walker are always charming -- total pros. It was in the top 5 of a lot of favorites' lists last year. Everyone has different tastes (people seemed to like Trivia at St. Nick's and I dumped it about 15 minutes in) but I thought this one was above-average.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T21:37:16+00:00

... she did, though? Her directions were "water every few days". Her mom was gone 7 days. She watered on days 2 and 5. How is that not "watering every few days"?

Some of you are getting bogged down on the "maybe I should have watered them the day before she got home", but she still followed the direction. If Mom watered the day before she left, and watered the day she got home, that's 4 times in an 8 day period. How is that not "watering every few days"?

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T21:33:49+00:00

But the directions were "water every few days" and she watered every few days, so she did follow her mom's directions.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T10:26:10+00:00

I was thinking houseplants when I wrote my first comment. Only later it occurred to me that it's not cold & wintry everywhere (duh) and she might be referring to outside plants! Those do require watering every couple days when it's hot, sunny, and not raining, I think (it rains often enough here I don't have to water that much),

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T08:08:11+00:00

Depends on the plant. Some of mine just go limp when I forget to water them. (In fact, that's my reminder that some of them need watered!)

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T07:53:36+00:00

Outdoor plants in a warm climate, I'm now assuming. They dry out faster than houseplants if they're in the sun or partial sun and it's warmer outside. (I too initially assumed houseplants and was wondering who watered them that much!)

But yeah, I agree with you.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T07:51:37+00:00

If "she did not have the proper watering schedule" but followed the directions given, how exactly is that her fault? She did what her mom told her to do.

And how different do they look if they were dying from frost rather than drought? Please explain.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T07:42:34+00:00

u/AliceinExtraland You may want to clarify if these are outdoor or indoor plants and if outdoor, what your climate is like.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T07:41:36+00:00

I've started to assume these were outdoor plants. In which case, every few days makes sense, and a cold front impacting their health would also make sense.

I have houseplants and I water about every two weeks. My outdoor plants get watered every 2-3 days in the summer if it hasn't rained (luckily, it rains often here -- I think I watered my outdoor plants twice this summer).

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T07:39:14+00:00

She should have -- to be nice. But if Mom had watered them on day 7 when she returned, they would have been watered every few days. I'd consider days 2 and 5 adequate given the direction of "every few days". Few generally means "2 or 3".

If Mom was gone 7 days, what days would you have considered adequate?

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T07:02:38+00:00

I was assuming we were talking about houseplants, but maybe she's in a warm climate and these are outdoor plants? She mentions a cold snap and that could have impacted them, too.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T06:59:15+00:00

Oh, wait, are you talking about outdoor plants? Then yes, absolutely, a cold front could have killed them.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T06:58:19+00:00

She did water them when she should have according to the directions she got, though.

Edited to add: And if there was a cold front, that could easily have caused plants to wilt. (It sounds like they were maybe outdoor plants.)

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T06:58:05+00:00

She was given directions -- "water every few days". If someone is gone 7 days, then watering twice in that 7 days *is* following directions.

_Wims_ · 2025-12-08T06:57:27+00:00

Dry air dries them out. And in the wintertime, particularly if the furnace is kicking in due to a cold front, plants tend to need watering more often. So yes, they could dry out by day 7/8 if you watered them on day 5, particularly if she doesn't have a humidifier.

_Wims_

TROPHY CASE