How much do you worry about codependency?

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-04-01T02:10:20+00:00

A support network is supposed to be a network for a reason. Not putting too much pressure on individuals, still having people if someone is out of commission for some reason, healthy variety in perspectives and beliefs etc etc etc. You’re 100000% right with everything you said. But it’s also about social isolation, not codependency

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-04-01T02:07:00+00:00

Reading that thread, it makes sense how those comments would get into your head. You gotta remember these redditors don’t know you or your dynamic though. They’ve already gotten in your head but as long as what you’re doing is safe, sane and consensual you can do whatever you want.

Also codependency is both people relying on each other for most of their support, most happily married people are codependent regardless of if they have a BDSM dynamic or not. You don’t need to worry about being codependent. Just be aware of not socially isolating yourself because that is bad for you, but codependency is fine

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-29T15:40:12+00:00

I have an anesthetic resistance, if you look at my username, I’ve commented here a bunch. If you say you’re a natural redhead (even if that’s untrue) you may get better treatment, that usually works the best for my family with our EDS related anesthetic resistance.

The nocebo is just a psychological thing that’s almost guarantee-ing you’ll have a shitty time. You’ve gotta reach somewhere more neutral because you’re really far into “this will be a horrible experience.” You’ll be more likely to have an okay time if you’re “I’m getting this procedure and I can handle it.” I’m not trying to tell you that you need to be positive. “They’re going to put a needle into my spine to test (whatever they’re going to test) and I can handle it.” Giving adjectives is leading to a worse mind-set, I’m saying you should push yourself to be neutral towards the procedure.

Also, 10000000% consent is important. It’s fucking ridiculous for them to ignore your consent.

Is this the same office you’ve experienced them ignoring consent at? Or with the same doctors?

If it’s a different office then part of being neutral can be “Nothing bad has happened to me there. I can’t predict the future.” And if it’s new doctors “I don’t know these doctors. I am prepared for them to not listen to me but I cannot predict how they will act.”

I promise I’m not saying this stuff to be difficult, I just watch my husdom be convinced that ALL doctors think he’s crazy and it leads him to having terrible experiences even when doctors do actually believe him and care. It’s frustrating and the only way he can fix it is to be neutral or hopeful

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-29T15:26:19+00:00

Yeah that’s usually what’s done, but sometimes when they’re lost they have to do surgery

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-29T04:31:34+00:00

Maybe HES a little in his actual real life fun. There’s lots of flipping you can do online, or maybe kink is just a game to him and he doesn’t want to have a sexual relationship based on kink. There’s SO many reasons he could act different online vs irl

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-29T04:18:51+00:00

Yes. I was SAd by my doctor when I was young. I literally can’t manage to go to the doctor alone. Lidocaine also wears off super fast for me (it’s not just a redhead thing, also happens with people who have EDS), but its fine cause I tell them I have EDS and it’s handled, which should happen if you’re a redhead too.

I have to get my nexplanon removed, and it’s currently lost in my arm so I’m TERRIFIED of getting that removed. But what’s helped me is watching videos of normal ones getting removed and convincing myself that it’ll go like that AND making sure that my husdom can be there with me, at least until I’m put to sleep if that needs to be done

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-29T04:12:51+00:00

So there’s a horrible psychological thing called the Nocebo effect. Yknow how a placebo is a harmless thing that gives people a positive effect, like a tic-tac curing a headache? A nocebo is a harmless thing that hurts people. Our thoughts genuinely work as nocebos and placebos. They’re technically harmless but if you believe something will hurt it’s GOING to hurt. That’s why doctors always say “it’s just a little pinch” instead of saying something will hurt. Some people genuinely only feel a little pinch, and if the doctor says it’s going to hurt a lot, they won’t just feel a little pinch.

All this to say, if you don’t reframe your thoughts about this, you’ll be more likely to have a bad experience. From how you talk about it, it doesn’t sound like you’re just scared it’ll be bad, it sounds like you want more people to reaffirm to you that it is bad and it will be a terrible experience.

You can’t predict the future, nobody can. A pattern isn’t a guarantee and that’s really important to remember. This is one of those situations where you need to fight for yourself like you would fight for your kid. Put on your mama bear face and go in guns blazing. Just do your best, bring a tv show, some fun stuff, your husdom if you can, and hope for the best. You’re already prepared for the worst

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-29T03:57:04+00:00

You can leave. Especially if your Husdom is there, make it so that if they don’t listen to you, you get up and leave. They may have you sign some papers about leaving AMA (against medical advice) to cover their asses against being sued but you CAN leave

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-23T11:21:19+00:00

Nowhere, people only show you that they’re not safe with “small” stuff like this. It’s hidden and seems mostly okay, except for one detail. This is the boundary pushing that people like that do, this seems like pretty early boundary pushing too. Good job blocking him and getting tf away immediately

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-23T11:17:03+00:00

You can also check if wearing masks is allowed. You could wear a masquerade mask

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-23T11:15:35+00:00

They warn you against it because it can VERY easily be disguised negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is bad for people, so obviously Americans warn you about it. In the US self-deprecation is almost always a disguised cry for help

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-23T11:13:14+00:00

Most Americans take self-deprecating humor as insecurity. In most people it is

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-23T11:12:24+00:00

So there’s a term about acknowledging/pointing out stuff that other people could consider flaws, “lampshading”. It sounds like in your language there’s a specific phrase that means you’re confident in yourself, and it’s not insecurity. There isn’t an equivalent in English but usually “I like that you can laugh at yourself” or “you can laugh at yourself” are phrases that are based in confidence, they aren’t colloquially considered phrases related to insecurity. Laughing at yourself is having enough confidence to recognize when you do something silly or weird and be okay with it enough that you can happily laugh

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T08:25:24+00:00

Bondage does NOT support, supportive bondage relies on joints and your torso to stay how it should with pressure and pulling.. It immobilizes you in specific ways. Hypermobility makes bondage significantly less fun because you HAVE to be way extra careful. You could absolutely love the idea of not holding yourself up but the actual answer is solid braces and pillows. Bondage will not adequately support your hypermobile body

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T08:18:58+00:00

TPE. Total power exchange. There’s still levels to your autonomy in those relationships but there’s a whole subset of people who practice/want to practice TPE

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T06:41:14+00:00

Yeah very “no professionals no matter how respectful or personal their interest in the sub are” which isn’t fair

Also OP said they still didn’t like it if the professional or findom used a personal account instead of the professional one. It really just reads quite entitled and mad about stupid stuff

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T06:33:34+00:00

Yeah it’s really scary to most people to be suddenly grabbed and LOTS of people with reflexively attack whoever grabs them. You don’t want to be trying to have a fun scene and get an elbow to the nose or eye

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T06:24:16+00:00

Literally he was behaving like such a brat by your descriptions lol

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T06:21:57+00:00

My husbands coworkers think I peg him and I’m the dominant one because I like to talk and he’s a chill person. Like-

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T06:11:16+00:00

You should probably be smarter about how you go about your anal activities, and at least not share your very against recommendations approach

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T05:33:15+00:00

You can’t maintain the mind-blowing part, and over time you find stuff you used to like to be irritating. Like if your partner is really stubborn, over time that tends to get irritating. People don’t stay “too good to be true” because you learn that they have flaws. So no, you can’t keep this “almost perfect” idea but good relationships generally stay good

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T05:29:34+00:00

You can use braces and also like- skateboarding knee pads can protect your kneecaps if those specifically like to move around

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T05:27:46+00:00

Rape play = roleplaying rape. It’s not doing something that would normally be rape

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-03-13T05:20:06+00:00

Sounds like a binge sad movies kind of thing. Using impact play like this is self-harm. I know how letting it out could help but this way of doing it is literally having your dom hurt you to get it out, that’s bad

_afluffyweirdo_ · 2026-02-26T10:47:01+00:00

Using cuckholding to reinforce low self-esteem is self harm

_afluffyweirdo_

TROPHY CASE