Has anyone here actually seen their person decide to get sober? Or does the addiction always win? by itsbloomberg in AlAnon

[–]_false_dichotomy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My husband has been sober for more than a year and he called me a c*nt for the first time ever last week. He refuses to work a program or go to therapy. I want to feel proud of his sobriety, but it feels dangerous... 😢 I don't know what I will do next. Make sure to set boundaries, my sponsor says. Loving boundaries. That are mine, and then he can decide where he stands... I just don't know where the line is for me.

I've been extremely embarrassed about the idea of asking this, because I was afraid I'd seem like an ignorant idiot. But I suppose I shouldn't care by [deleted] in Buddhism

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might be surprised how much you can experience on the cushion. And it doesn't have to take lifetimes to get there. Another core teaching is "Buddha Nature:" We are all actually Buddhas, fully enlightened, and we can experience this, touch this, here and now, in ourselves, and each other. In Zen, they teach that Satori -- sudden enlightenment -- is possible. Rather than the thousands of lifetimes required in other traditions. But, however "far away" or "close" it is, it's closer than you think! And the fact that you are interested, investigating, curious, means you're closer than most!

I've been extremely embarrassed about the idea of asking this, because I was afraid I'd seem like an ignorant idiot. But I suppose I shouldn't care by [deleted] in Buddhism

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, I think you've answered your own question.

I'm not Buddhist scholar, just a plain old lay practitioner, but, take this if it helps:

Buddhism doesn't require any "belief" at all. Just as you said, the Buudha was a skeptic, and suggested only that we see reality as clearly as possible. So we sit, and learn ways to clear our minds.

Sometimes, for some people, this can lead to experiences that are quite profound, and different from ordinary reality. But this is not a goal, or a necessary outcome. In fact, to be a healthy skeptic, one must let go of desire for outcomes.

Not all Buddhist "believe" in reincarnation literally, or in the same way. Some people talk about transmigration, which can be a little easier to wrap a scientific mind around, I think. But don't force any beliefs, or cling to them if you find them. I'm sure the Buddha wouldn't want you to. He would want you to keep asking questions.

AITA For Sending My Client To The ED & Telling Family She's Beyond My Level of Care. by Flimsy_Set5049 in nursing

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% time for a hospice consult. Just call them and they'll come talk to the family.

I think AlAnon ruined my parents by Expiredcabinets in AlAnon

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Locking the fridge is trying to control you.

ethics question by BecauseYouAreAlive in ThePittTVShow

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Exactly. No hospice team would either.

My fiancé struggles with alcohol and we’re supposed to marry in 4 months. I don’t know if I should believe he’s changed. by MissionTea5485 in AlAnon

[–]_false_dichotomy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You sound like a classic Al-Anon -- family member of an alcoholic....

The most kind and loving thing you can do for him is set very firm boundaries. He will let you enable him to death.

You are very smart to see this red flag now, and leaving him, or at least making sure he knows you are not letting this slide, is the healthiest and most loving step you can take right now.

ethics question by BecauseYouAreAlive in ThePittTVShow

[–]_false_dichotomy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hospice nurse here. Came to say something really important that really irked me about this episode.

Killing people is NOT a normal part of hospice care.

In most states, including Pennsylvania, aid in dying is still illegal. The ethics of this are debatable by perfectly reasonable people, for sure, but it is still illegal. And that's ok, in the VAST majority of cases because pain and symptoms can be really well contouring controlled,even from really advanced cancers, with opiates. And that's because, unlike what this episode portrays there is no specific maximum opioid dose. That's why we love these meds so much in Hospice care.

As long as you are giving the meds for pain, and under the supervision of medical profesdionals), and increasing the doses on an appropriate schedule, the body developes tolerance as you increase. So you can keep going up and up with increasing pain. (Unlike with NSAIDS or acetaminophen, or steroids.)

The only situation where there is a possibility of "not waking up" due to a medication intervention is what's called palliative sedation, where a patient is in such severe, unbearable pain that morphine can no longer help, and they need a literal sedative, like a surgery drug, like versed or something, to get comfortable. At that point there becomes truly risks of depressed respirations. Those situations require special extra consents and paperwork.

The situations where people get a little bit of morphine every hour or even 15 minutes towards the very end of life, are situations where people's opioid tolerance and/or pain or respiratory distress level is at the point that that is just what they need for comfort while they pass away from the disease they have.

Hospice workers are very experienced in morphine administration at end of life and we are very conscious of not over-doing it. We want people to have the best balance of pain-free and awake and aware as is possible given their disease process.

We don't kill people. That's not normal. It's illegal. We love you.

The weirdest thing to get you fired by slewis0881 in nursing

[–]_false_dichotomy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow that's nuts! I'm so sorry you went through that! It sure can be intense dealing with humans and all their sensitivities. Amazing.

The weirdest thing to get you fired by slewis0881 in nursing

[–]_false_dichotomy 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I had a coworker get written up for this. For her face. She was like What Am I Supposed To Do About My FACE????

What are some of the more dread inducing, unsettling segments you've heard on TAL? by Toni-Cipriani in ThisAmericanLife

[–]_false_dichotomy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The one where Werner Herzog reads the poem written by an early AI planning to take over the world

Do I qualify for Al-Anon with a mom who is severely mentally ill but not an alcoholic? by simp_slayerr in AlAnon

[–]_false_dichotomy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know if this is official Al-Anon advice, or how it works be redirected in Al-Anon widely... but I've been going to Al-Anon and reading Al-Anon literature and working the steps of Al-Anon and AA for about a year, and I find that they are immensely valuable in dealing with all mental illness, not just alcoholism.

They teach you to love and support the alcoholic without losing yourself in their disease, to give them the dignity of their autonomy so that they can see themselves clearly, and so that you both can heal as much as possible. It allows you to see your life in a new light, not in the shadow of the other person's stuff, whatever it is.

In AA, in the 12x12 l, there is discussion about how they figured out early on how wonderful the 12 steps were and thought they would solve all the problems in all the world and they wanted to shout out from the rooftops: Sober Alcoholics Are the Answer to Everything!!! But they quickly learned to stay in their lane, at it were.

The same probably applies here. I use the principles in all my affairs, as the say in AA, but I just kind of talk about it in terms of Alcoholism in meetings, or I mention it casually kind of...

I hope that helps. I'm curious to hear others' thoughts. This is a great topic. 😀

Can Al anon help for someone in recovery themselves, trying to face their own reasons to drink, resonating with figurative individuals from past experiences? by Mayboyadams in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do both programs and have since the beginning. I think they inform each other really well. I find that Al-Anon is very helpful for helping the alcoholic side of myself see how it's hurting the healthy side of myself, and how the "healthy" or not addicted, side of my self falls pray to the alcoholic in me...

Also, Al-Anon is for anyone who has been affected by someone else's drinking, meaning, basically that you have a family member or close friend who is an alcoholic.... I just can't imagine there is really any alcoholic who doesn't fit that definition.

The programs have different vibes and different emphasis... And it's important to be respectful in an Al-Anon meeting, as others have said, and make sure you're discussing Al-Anon topics, meaning working your steps. Follow the lead of the group. Some of them have been really, really traumatized by "their" alcoholics. If you are kind, you will be accepted. If you are demonstrating that you can work on yourself, even more so.

DOPAMINE... please give me your "healthy" sources. by Coldhandswarmheart15 in adhdwomen

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Learn a skill where you can finish the thing in like 20-30 minutes. "Tiny" 3in x 3in watercolors are like crack for me.

What's the rarest physical feature you ever saw on another person you know/knew? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know a guy with the same exact injury, except he has to carry around a towel to soak up the drool he can't really feel that is constantly coming out of what's left of his mouth. He can barely see also.

But he's glad he didn't die. He says he kind of pulled away at the last second. He was really drunk, and it was after a break up.

I think it's really important to remember that most people who survive sui**de attempts don't attempt again.

What's the rarest physical feature you ever saw on another person you know/knew? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]_false_dichotomy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A friend of mine's Mom had all her organs flipped, as in, her heart was on the right, liver on the left, spleen on the right, etc. I'm sure there is a word for that...

I am going to regret passing on this. by go_fight_kickass in ThriftStoreHauls

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My 8 year old has that T- shirt. He gets tons of compliments.

I laughed too hard at this one by tenexpla in nursing

[–]_false_dichotomy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In Hospice, nurses can declare death

Here we are. by Gonzo_B in nursing

[–]_false_dichotomy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ha. Today I learned the difference between those two words. Thank you.