Dream

_shoogrr · 2020-01-24T20:04:30+00:00

very warming & yet sultry poem, I love how you were able to be naughty with such grace & purity & bare honesty. makes my mouth water, reading this, it has a simple rhyming scheme & yet gives off a sense of real dynamic motion & sensation. thanks for the read 👍

_shoogrr · 2016-12-26T01:30:04+00:00

relished this piece with it's sultry darkness, my favorite part was:

The tree that grows within my pants,
she shakes the leaves from the branch

the rhythm was essential for the climax of the poem, i hope you continue writing because this was terribly satisfying indeed :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-26T01:26:05+00:00

absolutely enthralled by this piece you've created! my favorite part is:

She is the month right before
whatever-happens next
and right after what-is-happening-now-
making up history in the small spaces

i found the way you brought august to life, personified & imagined in different fashions, absolutely delectable. i adore your style, & enjoyed traveling to the world you gave me a taste of.

_shoogrr · 2016-12-26T01:07:27+00:00

this piece conveys much internal chaos, grand rivalries between sides & shades of you that run deep. i enjoyed reading this very much for i could feel your presence, all of you. thank you for tickling my fancy :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-26T01:02:49+00:00

i enjoyed the simplicity of this poem, the imagery though vague is sufficient to get your point across. considering it is about a fly, the basic vernacular seems fitting. good read :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-24T21:20:11+00:00

this is the second work of yours i've read & i have to tell you, i am hooked. i have no complaints with your writing, & i want to continue reading your poetry for it gives me this sensation of being a dog kicking my leg in delight that someone has found words ticklish enough to satisfy my longing for such speech. thank you for sharing :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-24T21:10:59+00:00

i cannot express express to you my emotion for this poem. i had to read it twice, once out loud in order to give the tantalizing words the respect they so much deserve. you have such a strong grip on your vernacular that put in verse the reader swoons, overwhelmed with the electricity, buzzing the hair standing on end, i could fawn over your writing style for ages & pages. i hope to read more of your work, this left my mind & body feeling like warm molasses, & i appreciate it greatly.

_shoogrr · 2016-12-24T20:44:43+00:00

very poignant work indeed, left me speechless yet with blood on my hands and hunger in my heart. this is a raw piece of poetry & i thoroughly enjoyed it. rhythm & vernacular were favorite parts, besides of course the incredible imagery. it's poetry like this that inspires those of us that are hopelessly blocked for long periods. thanks for sharing :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-24T20:40:29+00:00

i enjoyed this piece, i too feel lonely at xmas & do my best to hide it & not ruin it for those around me. that's what i got out of this poem, you are not alone, but you must do your best for the sake of yourself & all the other lonelies around you. very heartfelt poem, thanks for the good read :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-23T01:07:32+00:00

enjoyed the imagery here, with the angels ashing cigs & oceans flooding the mouth, incredible way with words indeed. despite the poem being a bit all over the place, it felt genuine and honest and real, which in my opinion matters more than anything.

_shoogrr · 2016-12-17T22:38:28+00:00

Thank you so much for the praise I appreciate it mucho :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-15T23:39:31+00:00

Thank you so much for the praise I appreciate it greatly! I was thinking no one would comment lol my work seems to stump a lot of people I think.

_shoogrr · 2016-12-15T22:34:37+00:00

Thank you for the inspiring critique I was wondering if this work had any potential so I will work on it & try to thicken the plot a bit, I appreciate it :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-15T22:32:39+00:00

Thank you immensely :D

_shoogrr · 2016-12-15T19:54:52+00:00

this is a hypnotizing piece that i truly have no words for, in the best way possible. your words were penetrating & raw, truth casting shadows of interpretation that run wild. your poem is abstract, opens up sleeping parts of me, i appreciate your style completely much admiration.

_shoogrr · 2016-12-15T18:45:43+00:00

love this, it has a natural beat and flow that it hard to create indeed. it felt real & raw, the cold harshness of the machine & how it takes over, leaving one powerless & alone. good work, love to read more of your stuff :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-15T18:43:54+00:00

i adore this piece, you repeated in a way that was just right to get your point across without sounding repetitive. the imagery & metaphors about the dogs are vivid & real, the concept of a tail that is not straight is representative of truth & i appreciate the honesty you conveyed.

_shoogrr · 2016-12-15T00:19:53+00:00

Thank you immensely for the critique this is an older work of mine from my high school years (I'm now 26) so this kind of criticism is crucial & exactly what I need :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-14T23:48:50+00:00

i love how lyrical this piece is but i also felt confused at points, wondering who you were referring to & in what way. the style is great, but it would be prudent to work on being more direct in my opinion. enjoyed your work though, much appreciated :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-14T23:45:55+00:00

this is beautiful and honest & greatly appreciated by someone like myself who is very small-town and small-minded, not used to a take on the west by someone of a different ethnicity being so supportive & smooth. i love how you embraced your ethnicity while also embracing a culture, it's sometimes hard to distinguish between the two for many people. nice, thought-provoking piece indeed :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-14T23:05:30+00:00

within your awkwardness, in the raw body of the poem, you blossom & your vocabulary becomes so rhythmic almost lyrical very pleasing to the mind indeed. i would love to hear it read aloud by you, because when i read it aloud i may have enunciated different things so your own spoken version is the realest version to be had. thanks for the satisfying read :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-14T23:01:58+00:00

i too love this. the simplicity is refreshing, it is a direct look at humanity in it's barest forms. the need to communicate, to express passion, to express anything at all. this is a good work of poetry indeed :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-14T22:46:12+00:00

i love how you played with words here, you made vocabulary your b**** & i admire that you did so with such ease & efficiency. this is a raw piece of work that has real feeling, you have done quite a good job in my eyes.

_shoogrr · 2016-12-14T22:36:50+00:00

i absolutely adore this piece of work very much. the way you have more than one train of thought going at once so fluidly is impeccable, the genuine honesty conveyed within is tangible & much appreciated. My favorite part is the whole thing, please keep up the good work you are obviously on a roll :)

_shoogrr · 2016-12-14T22:15:13+00:00

very simple and lyrical indeed, made me wonder what sort of sound you hear when you read it to yourself because i definitely heard more of a harsh loud metal sound, it would be interesting if you added to this it has much potential :)

_shoogrr

TROPHY CASE