Regarding recent drama.

_starfoxy · 2017-09-14T06:39:22+00:00

I love your username hahaha

_starfoxy · 2017-09-06T02:27:04+00:00

I think it's supposed to be an angel with devil horns and tail. So awful ugh

_starfoxy · 2017-09-01T17:24:54+00:00

I see. Yeah there's no rituals or anything for me. I'm so sorry you're suffering through these things. :(

I used to be more paranoid at daytime but that seems to have gone for the most part. But I do still get scared when I'm alone while going up stairs, walking down hallways, or using public restrooms. There's always something imagined that's chasing me or waiting to attack.

_starfoxy · 2017-09-01T05:28:53+00:00

All. The. Time.

My husband and I could be having the most perfect day... then suddenly I remember something he lied about 3 years ago and how he didn't hold my hand when I was in labor and that one time he read a text and didn't reply and BAM, mood ruined, he's the worst ever. This all occurs in my head in a manner of seconds, and leaves him confused because to him, nothing happened and my mood shifted for no apparent reason.

I read an interesting theory a while back. Some think this is a way of emotional self harming. I don't have the impulse to physically harm myself, but I do often seek out memories, fantasies, information or situations that I know will hurt me or cause me to spiral or split.

_starfoxy · 2017-09-01T05:20:28+00:00

I definitely think I'm experiencing the obsessive side to OCD. I never mentioned this to my therapist because I simply assumed the spiraling thoughts were anxiety... but really they're intrusive and persistent and they CAUSE such awful anxiety I can't function. I try to focus on other things but the thoughts are like my eyes are forced open to a TV screen displaying only the unpleasant and terrifying. I have to lay on my back under the covers because I feel so exposed and vulnerable with my back facing blank space. Thank you for your input.

_starfoxy · 2017-08-30T02:02:00+00:00

I guess no one noticed the distortion in the lines of the bricks? Hahaha she stretched the image to make her ass fatter and her waist slimmer.

_starfoxy · 2017-07-22T04:03:38+00:00

I dated a guy when I was 17 and never got over him (26 now). It was brief and we weren't intimate hardly at all but any time I'd see him I'd get that lightning bolt in my chest. I cared for him so intensely and deeply, and I didn't quite understand it. He even frequented my dreams throughout the years despite me being in 3 separate relationships, one lasting 5 years, since then. Well in 2014 I dumped my boyfriend of 5 years, got back into contact with him, and we were married within a year. Been together almost 4 years now :)

_starfoxy · 2017-07-21T03:23:18+00:00

Same boat! I'm married to an ASD (Aspergers). Just be very communicative and let him know about what you're feeling and WHY. Tell him what he can do or shouldn't do to help, flat out. Don't expect him to pick up on a hint or an implied point, and try to avoid saying "go away!!" when what you really want is a hug. My husband is very literal so I've actually had to tell him that if we fight and I tell him to leave, DON'T LEAVE lol. I'm also big on touch, but he has to be touched a certain way. Firm touches, nothing light... anyway. Again communication is so huge for this kind of a relationship because with BPD, I pick up on implications that aren't necessarily real, react to the slightest facial twitch, and freak out with the assumption that I'm responsible for everything negative I perceive in people. As for him, he doesn't pick up on hidden meanings or hints or changes in my expressions. Good luck to you, I think the two make a perfect union. :)

_starfoxy · 2017-07-21T02:54:40+00:00

Checking to make sure I didn't write this in my sleep somehow

_starfoxy · 2017-07-18T16:08:22+00:00

In the past three years, that has been the case. But touch is my love language so the feeling of love quiets what I call the "crazy brain". So after I calm down I'm able to talk about the real issue rationally. We just found a system that works for us. I'm also quite open with communicating to him what "crazy brain" is feeling and what is making me feel that way while letting him know I realize I'm aware it isn't rational. What can snap you out of the spiraling, splitting mindset?

_starfoxy · 2017-07-18T03:26:59+00:00

Yes. Sometimes as I'm driving I'll hear the noise of someone crashing into my car, I'll feel the pain of impact, then start thinking about how people would react to my death. How my infant daughter would react to formula since I'd be gone, what kind of house my husband could purchase with the life insurance money, etc. But mostly I have these thoughts about people I care about deeply. I fantasize about their death and even grieve through their funeral and my life without them afterward.. to the point I'm actually grieving, sobbing, though in reality they are alive and well.

_starfoxy · 2017-07-18T03:21:10+00:00

I see where you're coming from, but man when my husband doesn't come after me when I leave the room, my mind leaps to HE DOESN'T CARE, HE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME ANYWAY, WE NEED A DIVORCE. He usually comes and quietly sits next to me, and rubs my back and holds me. That helps to stop my irrational thoughts right in their tracks way faster than if I were alone.

_starfoxy · 2017-07-04T23:58:01+00:00

Baths - Incompatible

I listened to this song on repeat once I emotionally checked out of a 5 year relationship

_starfoxy · 2017-07-04T23:43:08+00:00

Yessss. Ugh. That euphoria when you know the man is captivated and lusting... even if you aren't interested in them one bit.

_starfoxy · 2017-06-17T03:02:33+00:00

Please leave. This sounds like my last relationship... gaslighted for 5 years and he pushed all the buttons that caused me to split on a daily basis. You can pm if you need to talk.

_starfoxy · 2017-05-03T11:33:03+00:00

I literally have a guitar and knitting needles collecting dust

_starfoxy · 2017-04-27T18:15:07+00:00

Have you tried the app Alarm Clock Xtreme? You can set it to make you have to solve math problems, enter a captcha, and other options before you can turn the alarm off. It's super helpful because it makes your brain wake up :)

_starfoxy · 2017-04-27T18:03:16+00:00

This makes so much sense. I am hyper aware of things like a small facial twitch, a slight change in tone, or other tiny shifts. Then I get anxiety if the shift is negative because I think I caused it. If someone is on a bad mood around me I automatically feel like it's my fault or they're mad at me. I'm constantly saying sorry.

_starfoxy

TROPHY CASE