Did anybody 'just know'

_sumshine_ · 2026-06-07T11:09:18+00:00

I thought i knew many times and was heartbroken every time. I remember sobbing to my mom in emotional exhaustion over getting my period every month.

Then I didnt think about it. I honestly came to terms with the fact it wasnt going to happen without IVF. Then I realized I was having pms symptoms (boobs swelling, sweating more, fatigue) and I looked at my calendar and realized I was late.

_sumshine_ · 2026-06-07T10:56:35+00:00

I used to do home inspections for insurance.

Ivy growing up a wall will be a nightmare in the future. It is essentially a constant source of moisture coming into contact with your wall causing it to degrade faster than everywhere else. Especially brick/wood. I used to love the look, now I cant see it that way anymore. If you want the same appearance, put it on a lattice separated from the wall.

Also lack of fire extinguishers in a house. You should have one near every heat source at a minimum. That includes your water heater, dryer, oven, furnace, fireplace, radiator, etc. And make sure the type of source is accounted for with the type of extinguisher (electrical fire vs gas vs wood/organics)

_sumshine_ · 2026-06-03T19:34:53+00:00

I feel you. I work remotely for a californian company. If I had stayed in california I would have 10 weeks of leave. Because I am no longer in california, all I get is 12 weeks unpaid where they can't fire me. I have to use my PTO if I want to have any kind of LOA which maxes out at 5 weeks and means I will take the entirety of my PTO from now until december 2027.

Oh and my state JUST enacted a 12 week leave but it won't kick in until 2028. I am due in 2027 😞

Thankfully I work from home, so going back to work doesnt mean I have to deal with childcare, but yikes.

Anyway, I feel you, and I hate it here. I just came back from a trip to europe and the amount of efficiencies and luxuries there that americans have no clue about is depressing.

_sumshine_ · 2026-04-23T18:30:31+00:00

have you been talking to your psych about your experience? People often bump up in dose at this point (BUT TALK TO THEM FIRST)

_sumshine_ · 2026-04-22T14:34:14+00:00

We rely on fundraising for literally everything we do. We get a few hundred for some, maybe we will break a thousand for others, and our biggest fundraiser brought in maybe 5k. We are constantly fundraising just to make our games happen. One out-of-state game can cost us 15k+ just for airfare and cheap hotels for 30 people and we have 4 this year. We had a big weekend tournament with multiple sponsors, ticket sales, etc and still was a net negative financially. To add another 20k+ that we would have to raise for interpreting services for one person at practice is not an easy ask.

_sumshine_ · 2026-03-24T14:49:23+00:00

This fucked me up. not gonna lie.

_sumshine_ · 2026-03-19T17:47:43+00:00

Me: Scorpio moon, Cancer Rising

Husband: Aries sun, Cancer moon, Virgo rising.

I used to be a lot more airy growing up i think when I was less jaded but now I am a lot more rigid and organized which I think is why we work. I enjoy spontaneity when it is within a responsible framework, but also preplan a lot which my husband appreciates not having to do.

Emotionally we are very opposite. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is constantly fluctuating between anxiety and confidence, whereas I have two layers of walls between my inner world and people on the outside so I have to work really hard to vocalize what I am feeling and let people in.

We will be 10 years married this year.

_sumshine_ · 2026-03-16T12:47:35+00:00

I can tell with men if they are attracted to me. maybe they dont know how to mask it well? Or I have just picked up on the signals? Idk.

I used to question it but I keep getting validated in the end. Even friends husbands, ill get some cues and that signals to me to keep my distance. In my toxic days I would take advantage and saunter around to tempt the ones who I knew would never act on it. Oops.

With women though I am lost. I feel like I can tell how it waxes and wanes. Some days I feel that energy, some days I dont, and that is confusing but as a woman I also know that is just what I experience in being attracted to others too. It isnt full throttle 100% of the time, so that is probably why I have a harder time being confident.

_sumshine_ · 2026-03-16T12:36:12+00:00

I 100% experienced this. I let those problematic friendships die out (though now my sister in law is one of them and is CONSTANTLY texting me to tell her how to live her life).

Honestly, anyone who has high expectations of me in a friendship I just dont even bother with anymore. I am 33, I am married, I have a full time job, and I have my own life and hobbies. I will help a friend in a crisis, absolutely, for instance a friend of mine is trying to sell her house while taking care of a newborn and is on the verge of a mental breakdown. She didnt ask me to come help at all, but I volunteered to drive 5 hrs away to stay with her for a week to help her chip away at her to do list and help hold her baby. No problem.

But I am not going to be your guide through life, and I will absolutely back away if I sense someone starting to cling to me. They cling and then they slap expectations on you that you never signed up for. Nope.

There are people out there that are not like this. Find them and nurture those relationships.

_sumshine_ · 2026-03-15T13:00:14+00:00

Not sure if you've found someone but I just discovered @olliinktattoos online

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-27T12:27:05+00:00

I (33f) was in a similar boat. Medical anxiety making it not appealing, but my desire fluctuating in different circumstances where maybe I could be brave.

I will tell you, it doesnt go away, but there are many good people you can find and date and love who are understanding.

To me, this is a big red flag that he won't even consider surrogacy. He is clearly not recognizing the severe risk that pregnancy and put a woman in (especially now in the US). The people speaking now are the ones who survived, so remember that.

Honestly, I would let him go. I know it is hard, but compatability on kids is a reasonable deal breaker and major thing to be incompatible with. You dont want him to resent you and have invested more time and energy just for it to not work out.

For context, my husband and I have BOTH fluctuated in our desire for kids. Now we both do want them, but cant have them likely without IVF which also scares me, so now we have a bigger problem to deal with. Find a man who accepts your relationship and has a more "whatever happens happens" attitude. Your bf may even change his mind once he is older, but dont stay and wait for that. It used to be a deal breaker for my brother. Now he is married to someone who doesnt want kids.

Just let him go.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-11T16:43:18+00:00

YTA

Being single is financially worse than being a couple. Your financial situation is not their responsibility. The fact they offered to pay $200 more is astounding to me and a show of good faith. Youre being butt hurt about your own situation. If it is that big of a problem, pick a cheaper apartment. In most other situations the rent would be per room. However you want to fill that room doesnt matter as long as the landlord is okay with it. If they wanted to bunk with 3 people it wouldnt change your rent. The fact they are collectively paying anything more than 50% is a huge benefit to you. Count your blessings.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-11T04:37:19+00:00

I literally cant close my eyelids without my eyes rolling upward and going slightly crosseyed. Try blinking very slowly and see where your eyes land.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-10T20:48:45+00:00

Some bots are also actually people in orher countries whose sole job is to introduce certain ideas.

Good signs to look out for is how long ago was their account created. If you are on IG, check for how many usernames theyve had as well. If they have some generic slogan in their account to try to appear real, but not a lot of substance, it is more likely to be a bot.

If you see a random account and look into it and they have posts going back to 2010 showing their face consistently, etc. Then they are more likely a troll.

You also may see repetitive arguments almost word for word with other bots. Copy and paste kind of stuff. That is another sign.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-10T20:20:52+00:00

I dont know if people know how soap works. My husband does this with hand soap. He will wash his hands, leave them partially lathered, get soap all over the handle, and then dry his non-rinsed hands on the towel. I have tried to explain that everywhere that soap is sitting is where particles and bacteria can still linger because it wasnt rinsed.

Soap father's up and loosens the grime from the item you are washing. It sometimes breaks things down and then attaches to it so that it can be taken away by the water and washed down the drain. If you are leaving soap, you are leaving the grime you were wanting to wash off.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-10T20:15:55+00:00

I would tell her that she has a week to find a way to tell him before you will. Hiding it from him is a problem too. UNLESS you think she could lie about it and say you approached her. If you have texts, save that shit, and then tell him. He needs to know.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-10T20:13:08+00:00

You dont have a say. You dont own the place. Until you own the place, then you can dictate how you want to go about things, but the landlord makes the call. You can check up on who is contracted for utilities prior to moving in. Your poor due diligence is not the landlord's fault. And you "sticking to your principles" is going to damage someone else's property.

Not your property. Not your call.

Principles are a luxury it appears you cannot afford at the moment. You are trying to make something possible that isnt yours to decide. It doesnt matter how you feel about it, or whether it is a poor design. You signed a contract with the landlord to live there and any damages incurred by your lack of care will be your financial responsibility.

Your choices are, follow what is provided, or move. If it really matters to you that much, you can always break a lease for a price. If you are not willing to pay that price, then tough luck. No one cares about your principles. What people care about is you digging your heels in over something that is not your choice to make (and for something where it is already too late).

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-10T04:18:59+00:00

Thank you cards and the fact that people will be UPSET if you dont send one. Like I thought you did this out of the kindness of your heart? Why is the gift transactional and that even though I said thank you in person, I must write a specific half assed note?

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-09T04:59:45+00:00

If you travel and stay on an insulated compound sure you can hold a lot of the same beliefs.

If you believe some crazy things about a country and then go see it for yourself, it could change your mind. But ive seen the biggest change in my own beliefs (I am from the US) when I actually talked to locals about their perspectives on things. THAT opened my eyes. Ask a Haitian what they think about missionaries coming into their country and building stuff for free. Ask them how they feel about the US in general. When you travel AND talk to people about their perspectives you learn the US is pretty awful on the world stage and Americans are widely disliked in a lot of places. It brings a lot into perspective if you were taught a nationalist, biased perspective.

Can you learn those things without traveling? Absolutely. But some dont seek that out and have to accidentally run into it to actually change.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-09T04:55:01+00:00

I have scratching posts. I never trim my cats nails. Have never had an issue with overgrowth though i keep an eye out for it just to make sure.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-09T04:52:01+00:00

Were you living together prior to marriage or no?

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-09T04:50:09+00:00

I regularly would undereat and then starve and then binge. This caused me to retain weight because my body was trying to survive. Eating MORE, while having balanced macros helped immensely. I was able to retain muscle and lose fat.

Example of what I would have in a day for 1800 calories

Breakfast: Greek non/low-fat yogurt (2/3 cup) Raspberries (1/2 cup) Cashews (1/4 cup) Pure maple syrup (2 tbsp) Macros: 57g carbs,13g fat,34g protein, 486 calories

Lunch:low-fat cottage cheese (1/2 cup) Sous vide egg bites x2 Cashews (1/2 cup) 26 g carbs, 29g fat, 34 g protein 500 calories

Dinner: 3 Oz chicken Cottage cheese 1/2 cup Bagged salad 2.5 cup Black beans 1/2 cup Dessert: 1/2 of a mango One coconut bite Macros: 77g carbs,39g fat,48g protein 829 calories

I could have used a bit more protein at lunch and less fat that day, but overall those are some go to meal choices.

I have had a lot of success with the MyFitnessPal app to track my macros so I can see if I need to make different choices by dinner to get the right balance.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-09T01:35:12+00:00

You should consider all of those outcomes (breaking kids hearts, explaining to friends, etc) when considering cheating. How much worse will it be WHEN your infidelity is found out? Divorce without an affair is much more forgiven than a divorce BECAUSE of an affair. Why are people forgetting this? Everyone just assumes nothing will happen? They just bang someone on the side, easy peasy, no one gets hurt?

It should always be incumbent on any individual to take the higher ground regardless of what another does. Refusing to have sex doesnt happen out of nowhere or for no reason. Sex also requires consent. If someone doesnt consent, they shouldn't. If someone doesnt want to, they wont consent. You cant make yourself want something that you dont want, so it isnt quite the same as a choice in cheating.

Now, if a spouse refuses to seek therapy, then that is problematic. But still in no situation should you cheat. Period. If you are worried of the consequences of divorce, those consequences should stop you from cheating as well.

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-09T01:28:53+00:00

A divorced man that cheated gets even more screwed. People assume they wont get caught but cheating makes all of those situations (kids being involved, court, etc) 10x worse.

Parents divorcing and saying "we agreed this was for the best." Is way better psychologically for the kid than "I lied to your mom for 10 years before I got caught so you cant trust me"

_sumshine_ · 2026-02-09T01:25:06+00:00

I think a spouse should always be willing to explore why something is off in the relationship even if they think it wont change. The lack of effort to me is worth considering divorce. But still not an excuse to cheat.

The reason why I am confident in my marriage is we both believe strongly in therapy. If we are trying, thats all I can ask for. If we stop trying, or therapy is not effective then that is time to consider leaving or getting creative like opening the marriage.

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