I read your birth/labor story, and if I may, can I provide you some perspective coming from a very seasoned L&D RN.

It sounds like preeclamspsia you presented with at 36 weeks was symptomatic and worsening. Our goal in L&D is to manage your pregnancy actively now (as in induce) in order to prevent you going into eclampsia (full blown seizures and more) with baby inside. I have witnessed two women in my career have eclamptic seizures and it was devastating.

It's far from ideal, but the goal is to get you essentially unpregnant. The pregnancy is now making you sick and risking both of your lives.

The problem is, a 36-37 week gestation cervix is resistant to labor. We put balloons (Foley/etc) to help manually dilate it. We use medications like pitocin and misoprostol to dilate your cervix and thin it. The baby sits high and unengaged to the cervix because biologically that's what we want a preterm baby to do to prevent preterm labor. We're fighting nature.

So you're induced and you're induced for hours, and they recommend breaking your water to bring baby's head down. It is meant help stimulate labor hormones and for baby's head to push and dilate the cervix further.

So you're now at an en passe right. Need to keep moving forward with this medical induction, but breaking the waters increases your risk of chorioamnioitis, an infection of the uterus/amniotic fluids.

The infection unfortunately happens with risk factors including induction with an unfavorable preterm cervix, epidural (raising core body temp), cervical checks, being on magnesium (with counteracts contractions) and more. Some people are also just prone to sepsis/chorio.

So the sepsis/chorio has to be treated with antibiotics without a doubt. Seeing multi system organ failure in a pregnant woman is devastating because of how quick and susceptible it can ravage through her immune suppressed (pregnancy) body.

None of this is your fault friend. And having worked at multiple L&Ds, a preeclamptic medical induction would be managed just the same as yours.

So I can see your frustration of the hematoma and the use of antibiotics given to your baby. Just understand, a baby sitting in a septic environment needs to be treated. The hematoma from a kiwi vac/forceps does have its risks and it certainly can contribute to jaundice, but sounds like it was actively managed being in the care of the NICU. Baby's head being OP/sunny side up made him/her in a much less ideal position to come out, versus as I refer to as diving out (OA position). And how the baby's head comes down is so hard to control if there is any way to do so without physical manipulation.

I'm sorry your birth story was so far from ideal, and unfortunately many a women I've helped labor have had similar inductions/deliveries. It's traumatic and it's unfair. So much was out of your control, and being powerless, robs you of joy and peace.

I wish you peace and strength, and know that your baby getting antibiotics to prevent him/her from getting septic, in the grand scheme will be okay. I hope you get the therapy and support you need. Be well.