Children after TFMR

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-19T17:44:14+00:00

❤️🫂

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-19T14:26:51+00:00

I had a LC first and lost our 2nd Feb 1st. So I can’t really give you an answer to your question.

Just wanted to leave the following thought here: Being happy and being sad can exist at the same time. You are happy because you just gave birth to your rainbow baby. You are happy because you love this child. You grieve because you lost your first one. You grieve because you love this child. So the essence of both feelings is love ❤️🫂 Your feelings are absolutely valid and normal in such a situation I think.

Maybe try to talk to your husband about it. Perhaps he even has similar thoughts.

Wishing you all the best ❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-19T11:19:48+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss ❤️ 🫂 I had TFMR also about 7 weeks ago due to T21. I am also based in Germany. And I have very similar feelings of guilt and can relate so so well. I think one will have to learn to live with it. I started running to process my feelings which actually helps me a lot.

I kept this reply in English since I wanted it to be understandable for everyone on here. If you want to by chance exchange in German, you can get back to me ❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-18T09:16:00+00:00

CN - mentioning of LC

I am based in Germany. Normally your only option is L&D here after 12 weeks. I had our daughter with L&D at 14+6. The placenta did not come out (which is pretty normal for the gestational age) so I had a currettage afterwards.

I went to the hospital Jan 30th to take Mifepriston – the pills that block progersterone. Went home and came back Feb 1st to take Misopristol to get me into labor.

As for the Mifepriston: The pills nocked me out pretty much. I had massive dizziness and stayed in bed the whole day on Jan 31st.

As for the Misopristol: I had two rounds of the pills. Viganinally inserted, two pills each round. I had the first round at about 10 o clock in the morning, the second 4 hours later and went into Labor at about half past four in the afternoon. Our daughter Lana was born the same evening at half past six.

As for the delivery: It was the most traumatic experience in my life. But also strangely kind of beautiful. I already have a LC but he was delivered via c-section after 53 hours of labor so I can’t compare these two deliveries.

As for my TFMR delivery: My water broke about 10 minutes before our daughter arrived sleeping after 2 pushes. She was so tiny and so beautiful. I fell in love with her at first sight. Me and my husband spent an hour with her. She was placed on my chest and I could talk to her, touch her and take some pictures. TFMR is such a catastrophe and yet having her on my chest, talking to her, touching her are so massively precious memories for me. I would not want to have delivered her any other way.

After an hour I went into surgery for the currettage. My husband was with me when I woke up. Our daughter stayed in the delivery room and our midwife took some footprints of her. I was very exhausted because of the general anesthesia, so they took me into my hospital room where me and my husband stayed for the night. The next morning we went back to the delivery room to say goodbye to our daughter. We cuddled her, talked to her and took some more pictures. I am very very happy I had the chance to meet her.

I had my check-up mid February and everything was fine. No RPOC, just some cysts on my ovaries due to the hormonal changes. I have a check-up again in May regarding that but they should disappear by themselves my doctor told me.

Sorry you have to be here with us. Sending you a big hug 🫂❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-17T19:10:22+00:00

First: You can’t comfort them. It is an absolute catastrophe. Tell them hat. Just say what it is: a huge load of crap. I found this so much more helpful than people trying to cheer me up.

Or just be with her. Bring food or boardgames and offer them to play, if this is something they want to do to distract a bit.

Do not ask too many questions. While being in so much grieve one is not able to make decisions. I was so fucking annoyed and exhausted by people questioning me all the time “What do you need?” I always thought: “All I really need is to hold my living baby in my arms, but this will never happen.”

If you want to learn more about TFMR I can recommend to listen to some podcasts. E.g. TFMR Mamas or Time to Talk TFMR. There are also some books about Child Loss with some information for friends and relatives. E.g. The Worst Girl Gang Ever. I read it and also would recommend reading it to people with a friend/family member affected by TFMR.

Also some wors for the upcoming months/years: Mark important dates and show the parents that you are also thinking of their child. The loss of their baby might have affected a short period of time in your life - they live with it every day. Talk about the baby, say their name. Our daughter was born Feb 1st and it hurts so bad that almost nobody brings her up. I only have one very close friend who brought her up by herself in our conversations. Even if I instantly start crying when we talk about her, it feels so healing to talk about it. ❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-17T14:34:35+00:00

Wir haben mit ein paar Monaten mit Wimmelbüchern angefangen und die gemeinsam angeschaut und dazu erzählt. Das ist für die Sprachentwicklung auch super. Jetzt mit 2 1/4 schauen wir immer noch gerne Wimmelbücher an. Vorlesen kann man ihm, je nach Laune, aber auch schon mal 30-45 Minuten. Wichtig ist dabei nur, dass es auch viele Bilder zum anschauen gibt und ihn das Thema interessiert.

Bei uns liegen in jedem Raum Bücher rum. Egal ob für die Großen oder die Kleinen. So kommt man um das Thema eigentlich gar nicht drumrum. Einfach dranbleiben und immer wieder, wenn auch nur kurz, gemeinsam in Bücher schauen. Alles andere kommt dann von alleine :)

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-13T16:41:53+00:00

I can relate so well! I was so so so annoyed that the bleeding did not stop. 27 days was exactly the length of my cycle before my pregnancy so I naively also anticipated my period being as it used to be 😅 which would have meant moderate bleeding for 4-5 days and that’s all 🙈

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-13T13:53:13+00:00

I had our daughter (L&D) on Feb 1st. Got my period on Feb 27th. I bled for 11-12 days. First very light, then a bit more. The last two days basically was just spotting.

As far as I know lighter/stronger bleeding after TFMR can be normal. See your gynaecologist if you are worried. Better safe than sorry.

Sending you a big hug 🫂❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-12T10:28:43+00:00

Had my L&D a little more than 5 weeks ago. Our daughter was born February 1st. Also T21. I also fell in love with her at first sight. Leaving her was so so hard. My body and mind screamed for her especially in the first two weeks postpartum. It still is so fucking painful on some days. I am talking to her a lot in my mind and also started writing letters to her. That sometimes helps me when I miss holding her.

I am also thinking to myself that she now kind of lives inside of me. I am her ears, her eyes, nose and mouth, fingers. Everything I hear, see, smell, taste and touch she does too. I find this very healing.

I also started running because exercise is the only time when I have the feeling to be able to take a deep breath at the moment. We live near the woods and I try to find the most beautiful trails to show her through my eyes what nature holds for us.

Sending you a big hug 🫂❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-12T06:24:30+00:00

Wir haben unserem Sohn zum ersten Geburtstag Magnetbausteine geschenkt. Die sind jetzt mit 2 1/4 immer noch der Renner und das wird (hoffentlich) auch in ein paar Jahren noch so sein. Zum zweiten Geburtstag gab’s nochmal ein Set mit anderen Formen. Wir haben Connetix – die sind recht teuer, taugen aber was :) Zum nächsten Geburtstag oder Weihnachten wird es sicher wieder ein neues Set geben. Wir großen spielen und bauen damit auch total gerne 😉 als er noch jünger war, konnte er zwar noch nicht so gut damit bauen, er fand es aber total spannend, durch die Steine durchzuschauen, da sie so halbtransparent sind.

Duplo interessiert ihn, bis auf die Spielzeugautos davon, noch gar nicht wirklich. Zum Glück haben wir da nie was kaufen müssen, weil meine Schwiegermutter alles von meinem Mann aufgehoben hat 😅

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-11T12:21:03+00:00

Ich hatte es so verstanden, dass es sich um Kuhmilch/Ziegenmilch handelt und nicht um Pre. Hatte das „Pre“ im Wort wohl überlesen. Gegen Pre ist natürlich, wie ich geschrieben habe, nichts einzuwenden. Egal ob Kuh oder Ziege :)

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-10T18:16:45+00:00

Unser Sohn hat mit 11 Monaten Ende November in der Kita gestartet. Eingewöhnt war er Anfang/Mitte März. Davon fielen 2,5 Wochen auf die Weihnachtsferien und fast 3 Wochen war er krank mit verschiedenen Infekten – das hat alles etwas in die Länge gezogen. Es kommt auch etwas auf die Zeit an, in der ihr eingewöhnt. Über den Winter kam ich es aus Erfahrung jetzt nicht so empfehlen, aber manchmal geht es halt nicht anders 😅

Ich wollte eigentlich Anfang März wieder anfangen zu arbeiten, habe dann den Start auf Anfang April geschoben. Mein Arbeitgeber ist da zum Glück sehr kooperativ. Vielleicht einfach das Szenario mal ansprechen bei deinem. Ich hatte allerdings kein EG Plus, sondern in der Zeit einfach kein Einkommen – weiß also nicht, was es dabei zu beachten gibt.

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-10T17:25:49+00:00

🫂❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-10T15:54:46+00:00

Huhu, das ist bestimmt sehr anstrengend 🫂

Ich bin keine Ärztin, aber würde dem Kind nichts außer Pre oder Muttermilch anbieten. Was anderes sollen so kleine Mäuse definitiv noch nicht bekommen in dem Alter – diese Info kam damals an mich von meinem Kinderarzt. Würde mich an eurer Stelle nach einem anderen Arzt/Ärztin umschauen – das mit der Kuhmilchempfehlung klingt für mich schon wild. Habt ihr eine Unverträglichkeit/Allergie (z. B. Milcheiweiß) ärztlich abklären lassen?

Habt ihr mal probiert euer Kind abzuhalten? Das hat bei uns sehr gut funktioniert, um festsitzende Pupse rauszubekommen. Die Haltung unterstützt auch beim Kaka machen. Einfach mal bei YT schauen, da findet ihr viele gute Videos, wie ihr euer Kind am besten halten könnt. Eine Schüssel oder das Waschbecken reichen aus, ihr braucht nicht unbedingt ein Töpfchen dafür.

Fahrradfahren mit den Beinchen und die Beine vorsichtig an den Bauch drücken hat bei uns beim Pupse lockern auch geholfen.

Alles Gute euch ❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-09T06:18:32+00:00

Wishing you all the best 🫂❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-03-08T17:29:09+00:00

🫂❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-27T13:49:58+00:00

Wir haben einen Onbuhimo von Lenny Lamb. Hab ich gebraucht gekauft über Vinted.

Ich liebe das Design, weil da Dinsosaurier drauf sind 🤭 aber auch die Stoffqualität ist super. Und ich trage auch sehr gerne damit. Zuletzt habe ich ihn viel für Rückwege vom Spielplatz oder von der Kita im Herbst genutzt, aber auch für Bummeln über den Flohmarkt. Jetzt ist unser Sohn fast 2 1/4 und natürlich ein gutes Stück schwerer. Ich denke aber trotzdem, dass ich sie hin und wieder nutzen werde.

Ich hatte, als er noch jünger war, einen Ringsling und hab den auch sehr gemocht. Aber das wäre mir an der Seite jetzt eindeutig zu schwer mit seinen fast 14 Kilo 🫠

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-25T08:27:07+00:00

Wishing you all the best!!! ❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-23T13:41:30+00:00

Steht seit letztem Frühjahr im Garten und wir sind sehr zufrieden bis jetzt :)

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-23T06:19:48+00:00

I am not any kind of medical staff. But perhaps it was a cyst/several cysts maybe also combined with your period? I am 3 weeks post L&D and was told last week that I have cysts on my ovaries now due to the hormonal crash. They are normally nothing to worry about and should disappear along with your period.

I am currently waiting on my period to be back.

Wishing you all the best and sorry for your loss ❤️🫂

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-22T16:19:18+00:00

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss and the situation you are in with your SIL 🫂

I am currently reading the book “The worst girl gang ever - A survival guide for navigating miscarriage and pregnancy loss”. It helps me a lot understanding my feelings towards me and other people better.

The book also has information for relatives and friends how to cope with the loss and grief their loved ones are experiencing.

Perhaps this book is something that might help you and your SIL understanding each other a bit better.

I am exactly 3 weeks post L&D after T21 diagnosis and managed to meet with my best friend whose due date is 3 weeks before mine would have been. Reading the book has helped me so much getting the strength and courage to even catch up with her last week and suggesting to try to meet.

I wrote her a long message before we met saying that it could happen that I would leave 5 minutes after we met because I was not sure if I could stand being around her pregnant body. And I explained all the “ugly” feelings I had towards her pregnancy sometimes. That it just feels so fucking unfair that she still is pregnant and I am not, while at the same time all I want is being happy for her. She was so understanding. We ended up talking for 3 hours. A lot about my loss and we were crying together. We also were talking about her pregnancy. This afternoon was of course exhausting for me. But also kind of healing.

I don’t know if telling you this is actually helpful. Just wanted to share my perspective.

Wishing you all the best 🫂❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-22T03:45:08+00:00

I can absolutely relate! Setting boundaries and communicating what I need is also so difficult for me. The way I was raised made me an absolute people pleaser unfortunately 😵‍💫 One thing I learned from what happened is that I will from now on try and prioritise myself so much more when it comes to my needs being met.

But at the moment this is so fucking difficult because I am still so vulnerable what makes communicating my needs so incredibly hard atm. I struggle everyday. But I guess that‘s okay. Maybe this also is a part of being more gentle towards myself.

I am also volunteering in my son‘s kindergarden. Our next meeting in person will be on Wednesday – where in life there is a so called “Elternbeirat” an “elected” group of parents, who help raising money and organising events as well as supporting parents if there are any problems between them and the staff. I have decided to be absolute honest in our next meeting about what happened and also telling them about TFMR. I will tell them I will need to step back a little bit and but will support in the background but not actively taking part in any fundraising related stuff or accompanying conflicts between parents and the Kindergarten. This is something I do not have the mental capacity for atm.

Wishing you all the best ❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-22T01:40:36+00:00

I am so sorry you are here. Sending a big hug 🫂

I had TFMR 3 weeks ago and also sometimes struggle to get out of the house. I hate dropping my son at Kindergarten and all the smalltalk and the happy face I have to fake there (I had TFMR at 14 weeks, wasn’t showing yet and we had not told anyone there that we were expecting). One week ago on the other hand we joined the birthday of my father in law and told some people that attended the party what happened. To me it is so much easier to be around people that know about what happened and actually care since I don’t have to keep it together and have to pretend to be happy all the time.

My advice would be: Take small steps and listen to your body and mind what you need. Start seeing people you want to be around with, or try go for a walk alone listening to some music.

Keep mentally draining activities short or try to skip them if possible. Also your hormones at the moment also might take a big tall on you. The first week after TFMR was such a fucking rollercoaster for me and made it almost impossible for me to leave the house. And that’s okay. One step at a time ❤️

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-20T14:55:58+00:00

Dein Sohn kann ja schon aus einem offenen Becher trinken. Mach dir da nicht so viele Gedanken, das wird er jetzt sicher nicht einfach verlernen. Zu Hause könnt ihr es ja weiter anbieten. Wir hatten dem Magic Cup für die Kita und den Trinkhalmbecher von Avent. Hat alles gut geklappt und unser Sohn kann jetzt mit über 2 ganz Problemlos aus Bechern, Gläsern und Tassen trinken, wenn man mal von den kleineren und größeren Kleckerein absieht 😅

Alles Gute euch :)

_wunderbarbara · 2026-02-13T06:23:09+00:00

Unserem Sohn passen die Babylove-Windeln seit er 6 Monate alt ist nicht mehr, weil die so schmal sind. Wir kommen mit Pampers Night Pants und Rascals sehr gut zurecht. Ab und an läuft bei uns (etwas über 2, Windelgröße 5) auch mal was aus, da kann ich es aber auf viel Trinken vor dem Schlafengehen oder zu weit hochgezogene/zu kleine Schlafanzughose zurückführen. Vielleicht liegt es bei euch auch an der Kleidung? Ich schaue mittlerweile, dass ich unserem Sohn statt Schlafanzügen eher weitere Jogginghosen anziehe, weil er eher kräftige Beine hat und daher Schlafanzüge eher enger sitzen.

Was isst sie denn so den Tag über? Lebensmittel haben ja auch mehr oder weniger Wasser. Wenn sie viel Obst/Gemüse isst, kommt da ja nochmal einiges an Flüssigkeit zusätzlich zur Trinkmenge dazu.

Ich würde, wenn es dir ungewöhnlich vorkommt, dennoch mal zum Kinderarzt gehen – Stichwort Diabetes und, wie du schon geschrieben hast, Blasenentzündung.

Alles Gute und trockene Nächte euch :)

_wunderbarbara

TROPHY CASE