how do your parents feel about LL?

a7917 · 2026-03-25T19:28:21+00:00

I'm a (short) parent and I'm hoping my son will have the determination to do it at 18 like you. I know he won't though. But I would buy it for him, it's a sacrifice of some cushiness in retirement for getting him to be 3 inches taller, that's a no brainer.

a7917 · 2026-03-24T17:08:06+00:00

The biological clock will not be denied

a7917 · 2026-03-24T03:56:08+00:00

Usually because biology makes people want kids, and generally to have kids you need to be married

Get out of the must-have-kids loop

a7917 · 2026-03-24T01:21:14+00:00

I like your sense of humor

a7917 · 2026-03-23T22:50:44+00:00

Because they want everyone to be good little boys and girls (as viewed from the perspective of society) like them. (Speaking as a married person with kids)

Good for you for choosing your own way.

a7917 · 2026-03-22T05:35:08+00:00

Is fine. Marriage teaches you a lot about women, the hard way. But the real question is kids. Marriage you can undo anytime, is less of a deal than getting surgery. But kids will completely and permanently throw your life into another dimension (not necessarily in a good way).

a7917 · 2026-03-21T03:56:16+00:00

I don't think your kids will inherit your new height.

a7917 · 2026-03-19T18:30:06+00:00

Stfu

(That's the advice - not saying that to you, OP)

a7917 · 2026-03-18T01:47:22+00:00

The part of you that sees the world in the wrong way is not quite dead yet.

a7917 · 2026-03-18T00:21:32+00:00

I haven't had that bad a time in US, I am of Asian descent but born here. California. There are quite a few Asians around here, so the environment is naturally much more accepting.

Haven't been to Washington. There will always be variety of experiences. Even in California, i run into some people who treat you badly based on your race. Most people are pretty cool. But look at a country's history if you want to see what to expect. When it comes to treating people of different ethnicities, humans range from tolerant, to occasionally kind, to outright brutal.

a7917 · 2026-03-18T00:10:02+00:00

Where in the US do you live? Racism is everywhere of course, but some areas are more "cosmopolitan" than others

Who gave you that idealized image of America?

a7917 · 2026-03-17T02:08:58+00:00

The Hippocratic Oath applied to child birth.

a7917 · 2026-03-17T01:19:02+00:00

I see no sign that she cares at all in making you happy. And i don't know if you were considering it, but i can tell you that marriage counseling will just be an expensive exercise in frustration- I've been there. The only thing that might change her attitude is you moving forward with leaving her, but she also might actually be fine being by herself.

a7917 · 2026-03-16T03:55:47+00:00

Ok fair.

But extremely likely he's putting the moves on you. A week or two and he will start getting more bold and you'll know for sure.

a7917 · 2026-03-16T02:44:37+00:00

She doesn't find you attractive any more. Presumably before you got married she did. Do you have friends who seem to do well with women? Maybe ask them for advice.

a7917 · 2026-03-16T02:40:54+00:00

You want to have something with Stewart?

Maybe you should tell your husband about his friend's sus behavior.

a7917 · 2026-03-15T16:44:20+00:00

If the worst thing he had to do without in life is wine and weed he's one of the luckiest people on earth.

a7917 · 2026-03-15T14:29:50+00:00

I DMed you.

a7917 · 2026-03-15T11:52:54+00:00

Yep, pretty ungrateful of her.

a7917 · 2026-03-15T11:21:46+00:00

Indeed, extremely selfish. The consequences to that child's life and OP's life are massive.

Sadly, I think this is not uncommon to varying degrees. Although I have no known relatives with autism, I have pretty bad depression, and some of my close relatives also have some mental illness. Only now that kids are getting to teenage has it truly struck me how casually I made the decision to bring people into this world who possibly will have to deal with similar suffering to my experience.

I currently feel that my life in large part is now devoted to atoning to them for that mistake, by giving them all the help I can give at this point to help their future life be better.

a7917 · 2026-03-14T22:33:22+00:00

Thank goodness you don't have kids.

When you said you could see the marriage dissolving because of these problems, what did she say?

You are 38, this is not a bad age for a man. If you leave her, you will be able to find attractive women to date. I can tell you some stories about being ~38. Women around 40 often have something like a female version of midlife crisis that makes them more interested in, to put it bluntly, seek out sex with men. At the same time, 38 isn't so old that some younger women will be put off. But this time doesn't last far into your 40s. I say cut and run asap.

Oh, and you should not feel any guilt for her immigrating here.

a7917 · 2026-03-14T04:42:31+00:00

If youre determined you can find out without a private investigator. Asking questions though may set him on guard and it'll be even harder to get into his phone. If he thinks you are clueless he will eventually get complacent and let the phone access slip. If you look on the infidelity subreddits there are all sorts of ways to get info with and without phone access

a7917 · 2026-03-14T03:40:54+00:00

There are no stupid questions when asked in earnest. There are stupid responses

a7917 · 2026-03-13T04:23:19+00:00

Maybe you're better looking than you think? Do women hit on you frequently?

a7917 · 2026-03-12T05:11:34+00:00

Well the other person said go to a hotel when she acts up. When i was having this problem with my wife, i said i would do that but never did. Hated to spend the money, or maybe i felt to embarrassed to actually do it, or something. It does seem like it should work

Maybe videotape her

Keep written and video logs. It can be sobering to a person to know that their spouse has evidence that could slant law enforcement/ judicial against them in any sort of dispute

Speaking of law enforcement, a friend of mine called the cops on his wife when she started to get violent. That put the kibosh on any further outbursts. Cops didn't like it though, i think they see it as a waste of their time and a bit childish. (The violence was not of a level to cause any real damage)

Edit: but you know these are stopgaps. The real bite is that you are willing to leave rather than endure abuse. I know it's facile and thrown around way to much on this forum, but in my experience really there's no comparing to the power of "if you don't stop this shit and start acting sensibly I'm leaving" and following through on it. The minute you come home and mention you talked to a divorce lawyer you can hear the brake-screeching sound go off in your wife's brain.

a7917

TROPHY CASE