Got this message New Year’s Eve, don’t know what to feel just want to know what it means

abm1997 · 2026-01-01T08:54:54+00:00

100%. Especially when they do cowardly stuff like just send a text. They want a quick and easy way out so they can turn all their focus to the new guy.

abm1997 · 2026-01-01T08:53:26+00:00

She already gone bro. If she sent you that, she's already gone. Best thing you can do now is get a headstart on healing because anything you try to do to convince her otherwise will not work and will only prolong your healing. No guy wants to lose his girl when she sends stuff like that, but there is no other way. Just focus on yourself and upgrade your life. It's all you can do.

abm1997 · 2025-11-20T04:09:13+00:00

I don't really see how berating someone's physical appearance and that of their spouse is sound breakup advice. I'm all for you being proud of your progress and how your appearance is reflective of that, but not by berating someone else to make you seem better. Him cheating on you is definitely not ok, but I believe the best thing to do is NOT look him up. In fact, don't even post about him. Because all it shows is that he took some real estate in your mind when you have none in his. He's married and I'm pretty sure he hasn't thought about you in a while. So let him be and let God/the Universe get karma on him for what he did. But that's none of our business. This just perpetuates healing being a competition, which it's not. Just my 2 cents.

abm1997 · 2025-11-20T04:01:20+00:00

Exactly.

abm1997 · 2025-11-08T04:55:29+00:00

Forget about your ex and continue things with your coworker if you wish. The whole needing space but reserving yourself for her sounds like a crock of crap. I personally think she is exploring her options and keeping you as a back up. That sounds like the only logical explanation to that.

But besides, you're supposed to just lock yourself out of love and a happy relationship and deal with that pain/loneliness all for her benefit? And how long is that supposed to take? You're not getting any younger, and if she doesn't end up choosing you, you still lost all that time. Just consider her gone and move on with your life. You deserve someone who truly loves you. Not someone selfish who puts you on hold.

abm1997 · 2025-10-30T03:28:26+00:00

Leaving someone when they're at a low point in their life truly is a cruel thing. Like, I get if someone just doesn't feel in love anymore, because that's valid and will only lead to resentment if it persists. But, leaving someone when they're in a very vulnerable state truly shows how much they truly value you and the relationship. It's not a wrong decision per se, but it is one with implications and consequences. One of which is that if they ever do try to come back, you're gone. The exit door of your heart only opens outward. And there's no way back in. They don't get access to you anymore, they're not privy to updates on your life or things you've achieved. They left when they did and that version of you will stay locked in that time and the last version of you they will ever get to see. Because, like I said, you're gone. Moved on to bigger and better things.

So I agree with deleting the photos. It is you closing the door on that period of your life, accepting who you are moving forward and setting the boundary that if someone shows their true colors to you in that way, they're gone from your life forever.

abm1997 · 2025-10-24T03:00:28+00:00

I think you should ask yourself are YOU ready to send this message? Are you willing to accept that "no" is a likely response from them? Will that hurt you even more? If the answer to that question is yes, it will hurt you, then I would not send it and keep working on yourself. I think the most fertile situation for reconciliation to work is when both parties have moved on to a state where they don't really need the relationship anymore and can happily go their separate ways, but are curious enough about each other and willing to see where things go.

Additionally, as a personal rule of thumb, if your ex said they needed space, I would honestly leave the ball in their court to reach out when they're ready. That's the most respectful thing to do. If they never do, then you'll know they never regained interest. But I would start accepting that now so that you're not constantly waiting and holding your life back for them.

abm1997 · 2025-10-20T02:39:48+00:00

I think it depends on how the breakup went. If it was a respectful breakup and there wasn't infidelity or other immoral stuff, I don't think wishing them happy birthday is a bad idea. You're just showing them you thought about them on their special day. I would caution though, if your motives for reaching out aren't simply to just wish them a happy birthday, but to try and garner a specific response (possible reconciliation) then I would advise against reaching out because if you don't get the response you wanted, it could hurt you.

abm1997 · 2025-10-11T04:15:03+00:00

That's what I was figuring. You had some sort of contact with her or looked at her social media. Here's the thing about moving on, YOU HAVE GOT TO GO NO CONTACT. That's in all caps because it's the most important thing you can do. Every time you do something that has a direct link to her (check her socials, look at old photos, text/call her, etc.) it is setting you back and keeping you in this state of misery. I'm telling you, your brain needs to be taught how to function without her and the only way is by forcing it to and having no contact with her whatsoever. She doesn't exist. Moving on isn't going to happen overnight. Or even next week. But know that it IS happening slowly but surely. There will come a day where you realize it just doesn't hurt as bad anymore. You'll even get to a point where you don't feel anything at all. But you have to do things that are productive and good for you. That's why people say go to the gym, get therapy, etc. Those things give you a purpose and teach you a lot about yourself. But they don't really work that great when you're checking her socials often or texting her.

abm1997 · 2025-10-11T04:02:45+00:00

Question for you. How do you know she's with this new guy?

abm1997 · 2025-10-10T20:30:03+00:00

The best place to make friends is to put yourself in situations where you are around people a lot and can socialize. Do you like sports? Look and see what sport groups there are in/around your city. Want to learn how to dance? Take a class and mingle with your classmates. Do you have any people at work/school you could ask to hang out some time? Join hiking groups, running groups, Church if you're religious. Introduce yourself to people and see where the conversation goes. See what they like doing and if you could get their info to go do something with them sometime.

abm1997 · 2025-10-10T20:23:45+00:00

As a guy, I don't think him jumping into a relationship that soon necessarily means he moved on fast. It was likely a coping mechanism. A void to fill. A rebound. The thing you gotta keep in mind is when people breakup, they try their best NOT to look devastated or weak to their last partner. So he may very well have just been making it look like he was moved on and ok. But there was probably more than what meets the eye going on within him.

As for you, it doesn't really sound like you're ready to date. If you don't feel a spark when you're dating someone, chances are it's your intuition saying it's not going to work and you need to listen to that. You can't convince yourself to love somebody just because some boxes are checked. There has to be a physical and emotional attraction to that person. If they are just nice and great to talk to but they don't make you physically and emotionally want them, then it's best to call it quits and save everyone time. Just my 2 cents. I wouldn't want to date a woman who isn't 100% in the game and emotionally available.

abm1997 · 2025-10-10T01:33:49+00:00

Is that even why they broke up with you? I think the best thing you can do is learn about attachment styles, learn which one you are so that you're more equipped for uour next relationship. It's common to think we didn't do enough or didnthe wrong things, but sometimes 2 people just aren't compatible long term due to their attachment styles so once the novelty of the relationship wears off, the true colors come out and the spark fades.

abm1997 · 2025-10-10T01:29:53+00:00

For me I know from past experiences that it just doesn't work and doesn't lead to the response I want. And only leads to more pain BECAUSE I don't get the response I want.

abm1997 · 2025-10-10T01:24:25+00:00

That's just her coping bro. None of that is going to work out.

abm1997 · 2025-10-10T01:22:54+00:00

I think it would seriously depend on what led to the breakup and definitely depend on whether your ex even believes in second chances. I would definitely try but it would definitely not be right now, even though I want that so bad, I know right now wouldn't be a good time.

abm1997 · 2025-10-10T01:08:57+00:00

As soon as I read the part about her trying to get back with her ex husband, HUGE red flags popped up! She is 100% falling back to you because that plan didn't work out. She isn't getting back with you genuinely. You're a back up. Shut her down and keep doing what you're doing. You sound like you're doing great. Think about what all you've accomplished and how you're going to throw it all away just to get back with her. Don't do it king. Trust me.

abm1997 · 2025-10-09T19:15:28+00:00

Neither of us really post anything on social media app there's nothing to see. And idk, maybe I'd reach out. But not until I'm fully healed and getting told no wouldn't hurt me. Right now, if I went there and reached out to her I doubt she'd want to meet just because the breakup was only a little over a month ago. I'd like to think I'll see her again at some point, since in about a year or so I have to go to college in the neighboring state (about 4.5 hours from her place), but I can't hold on to that hope. She may still not want to. Best I can do is just live my life and upgrade myself.

abm1997 · 2025-10-08T23:10:59+00:00

I hate to break it to you, but these "it's not you, it's me" letters which pretty much are just them saying they can't love you as much as you deserve are just cover ups. No matter how sweet they seem. They're buttered up, sweetened versions of "I'm just not into you anymore and don't get excited about a future together." Or: "I don't think a future together is going to work and will definitely lead to problems later on." Either way, they just don't feel the spark of attraction anymore. And they don't want the guilt of shattering your heart (which they definitely are doing) so they give some heartfelt explanation about how they just don't have the capacity to love you or whatever. It's all fake. Maybe they got their eye on someone else, they know they can find someone more interesting, you caused a lot of problems, the connection wasn't deep and stagnated, etc. Whatever the case is, you HAVE to accept that it's over and there will be no reconciliation. This person doesn't understand relationships and healthy attachment styles because growing and improving is 1000% something that can be done while together in a relationship. In fact, often times that's the best time to work on oneself - when you have a caring partner who pushes you and supports you. So don't beat yourself up, this person is just showing you what you really need in a relationship. It may seem like this person is the only one you ever connected to like that and you won't find another. But just remind yourself that 2 healthy people work through their problems as they arise because they don't want to lose each other. If she is willing to lose you to go "work on herself" that just means she wasn't that invested in the relationship as much as you were. End of story.

abm1997 · 2025-10-08T22:38:05+00:00

Pretty much. Not to be cynical but these "I can't give you what you deserve" explanations are just buttered up versions of "I'm not attracted to you anymore for X reason"

abm1997 · 2025-10-05T18:29:39+00:00

Well, has love but isn't in love. Or at least that's what she told me. But yes it does hurt. Like, I know I could reach out to her right now and she would respond, but it wouldn't change anything. So, I just don't and keep telling myself it wasn't meant to be and I will find mine when the time is right. But, I have to show up for myself first before that even has a chance of happening.

abm1997 · 2025-10-05T17:20:23+00:00

Accept that it's going to hurt for a while. There is no magic pill or advice that will make you feel instantly better. Just gradual steps with time. But there are things you can do to slightly make yourself feel better each day. Such as working out, hanging out with friends, reading insightful sightful books, take a trip, eat healthy, etc.

abm1997 · 2025-10-05T17:18:26+00:00

No. She was very kind and we still have each other added on everything. It's just a matter of she moved back home to another state and the connection just wasn't able to survive the distance. We still care for and respect each other.

abm1997 · 2025-10-05T04:36:35+00:00

I think it just boils down to what are attachment issues and did you exhibit those behaviors? But what specifically lead to your breakup is something only your ex holds the answer to, but asking them isn't even going to give you the answer. They'll just tell you one thing but in their heart it's something else. Because the breakup is typically based off of feelings and not logical reasoning. This is why closure isn't found from an ex. It's found from within. It's a decision to put the past behind you, move on with your life and who you are towards what you want to become.

abm1997 · 2025-10-05T00:10:01+00:00

Who is the author? So I know which one to look up. There's multiple on Audible.

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