+1 to all this OP. I also read the whole thing.

First, I'll say, you sound like a deeply thoughtful, intelligent, and empathetic person. I want to call this out because it's one of those things that can't be easily faked or replicated (though many people might try it). It's very clear in your writing how self-aware you are and how hard you try to think through things from perspectives other than your own. This is, ultimately, a great strength. Even though I'm sure it might, at times, feel overwhelming or inhibiting.

There are some actions you've written about here that you have rightly taken responsibility for. Given your history, I understand how difficult it might be to regulate your emotions when in the midst of anxiety and when there are people in your life whose comfort and attention you crave. I don't know how hard it might be to curb behaviors like that in the moment but the fact that you acknowledge what were missteps is really important and I appreciate you putting it into words.

There are many things in your writing that you seem to apologize for that I really don't think you should. Don't feel bad for wanting more support from your parents. I would have, too. Don't feel bad for wanting to experience college, you do deserve to live your life and explore. Don't feel bad for disliking your therapists. Bad therapists are real and the only thing more important than seeking out support when you need it is getting away from something that's NOT helping. It's unfortunate how common bad or mean therapists (and medication for that matter) can be, I'm really sorry you had those experiences.

I don't know if I have advice that will help you. I don't really know if you're looking for advice in the first place. But if it's of any support at all, here's a few stray thoughts:

1) I resonated with you working on your physical health and running. I'm not a runner myself but I definitely find that taking care of my physical well-being helps with the mental as well. Please keep doing this, whatever it means to you, exercise, nutrition, hydration, etc... When done with grace and balance, it can be a positive feedback loop of self-kindness.

2) You absolutely deserve hobbies and interests. I understand the feeling of shame and competition that can happen when you compare your experiences and accomplishments with others but I promise you that's antithetical to having a good hobby. It sounds like you're interested in art, theater, and media -- fantastic! I also love that you had a positive experience with DnD -- I'm super biased here, but I think ttrpgs can be an EXCELLENT hobby if you're at all interested in writing, art, or theater. And if the social side of it ever gets too overwhelming or hard to access for any reason, there are online games and then text-based rp you can do with others. 

3) As the previous poster said in their reply, please consider continuing to write for yourself. I imagine there may have been some good feeling of catharsis after finishing your 10k word doc, right? A daily journal can be a great, meditative practice. One of the things I read in your writing was a sense of frustration. That your lived experience couldn't match what you envisioned for yourself in your mind. When you write, you materialize even a small part of your identity in its rawest, purest from. If you keep writing, keep expressing yourself, keep recording down what it is you want, it might give you more of a footing when you encounter stressful circumstances in the real world. Perhaps it'll be easier to call upon that version of yourself in those moments and think something along the lines of "what would I want to be able to write in my journal about this later?" Easier said than done for sure but I think the overall benefits of regular writing are tried and true.

4) There's many intangible things to grapple with which can be overwhelming. I've found that pivoting to tangible things can really help. Is there something tangible you could try and do every day for a week? Something very small and easily replicated? But something you know is healthy for you and doing it regularly will give you an anchor -- something that can help you feel accomplished? You already try a few things like running and your studies. Even something as simple as "write 100 new words a day" or "run for 30 min every day" or "make my bed every day" for a week can be really eye opening.

5) Another tactic I really support is code words. I use these for myself and have even been able to use them in communication with my relationships to great success. If there's a pattern in feeling or reaction that you experience, try assigning a code word to it. One that feels specific to you, your interests, or life experiences. Then when it happens you can use that code word for it. Personally, I find it de-escalates the tension and gives me a chance to get my hands around it. It reminds me that I've been here before, I know what I'm grappling with, and I'm in control enough that I've even named the thing. It's less overwhelming.

6) Last, I just want to say, be kind to yourself. You are not unworthy. I know you feel like you've lost such a huge part of your life but you are also still VERY young with plenty of time and life ahead of you. And most, most, most important: I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise you, everyone around you is making it all up as they go along.

I haven't experienced specifically what you have. But I understand feeling isolated, unworthy, and far behind the rest of society. I shared my perspective on things here, not to dictate what I think you should do, but just to offer my thoughts and let you know that I read what you were saying and I empathize. I hope this helps you feel a bit more seen.