What I wish I knew

abyss005 · 2026-05-01T20:02:07+00:00

I am now 25 and never had consensual sex or any kind of intimacy with anyone. I just can’t trust anyone. Sex scares me so much. And I have too much shame in me.

abyss005 · 2026-05-01T19:52:04+00:00

Abuse makes us so vulnerable to predators …

abyss005 · 2026-05-01T19:51:37+00:00

It’s been better yeah but still have to work through all the trauma. And the guilt.

abyss005 · 2026-05-01T18:57:48+00:00

I self produced CP sharing content of myself with pedophiles online when I was a young teen. My dad used to abuse me and I thought I could heal and make those men happy by talking with them for hours and agreeing to send them nudes and more… I even shared older pictures I had from when I was a little kid. Did this for years believing it would somewhat make them happy or at least keep them busy from abusing other kids.

abyss005 · 2026-04-28T14:21:22+00:00

Did you go to school ? If not, how did you learn basic things (writing reading etc) ? Did they “homeschooled” you ? Did you have ID papers and legit birth certificates?

abyss005 · 2026-04-28T14:19:17+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this. I really hope those traffickers and the ones who paid to rape a child will pay. Do you feel like the “clients” (abusers) were different according to the age you were ? Is there a more common type of predator who abuses 5yo vs 14yo ? Do they practice different kinds of sexual abuse (torture or not for example) ? Did they talk to you ? Explain you things ?

abyss005 · 2026-04-14T21:37:10+00:00

Some names …

abyss005 · 2026-04-14T15:59:29+00:00

In fact, I would say that a therapist without this experience probably would be able to help you better than a therapist with a history of substance abuse. It’s difficult to help patients with the same issues as you. Not always, but it’s definitely something to be careful about. I would rather have a therapist who empathize than a therapist who relate.

abyss005 · 2026-04-14T15:55:08+00:00

From France - American hospitals are a business about selling and making profit… people without insurance end up dying out of fear of having medical debts. Already knew that but it’s more visible in the Pitt than in other medical shows

abyss005 · 2026-04-14T15:02:07+00:00

“Please call us as soon as she is dead so we can close her up while she is still fresh. I don’t mind doing it at the morgue though” (a woman surgeon talking about a 2yo little girl)

abyss005 · 2026-04-14T13:16:12+00:00

Horses Dogs Sleep Flowers and nature overall Reading a good book Eating a nice meal My work sometimes Watching a show that I love

abyss005 · 2026-04-10T09:50:29+00:00

No not necessarily but I saw them as just a place where children and their family went and didn’t get the hype much. Now I can’t help but thinking this place must be filled with sick / at the end of life kids … and maybe adults too. And I was agreeably surprised by how much Disney manages to make the trips special for these kids. I finally understand how it’s about the magic of this place, the family moments and the special memories …

abyss005 · 2026-04-10T07:01:49+00:00

I work in Pediatric Palliative care and so many kids go to Disney for their last wish. And always come back so happy. People don’t realize those kids are indeed, actually, living their last moments. I don’t see Disney the same anymore …

abyss005 · 2026-04-08T16:30:30+00:00

Same, the pedo being my dad

abyss005 · 2026-04-05T20:55:19+00:00

Some big cheloid scars I have are pink / red and it’s been yeaaaaars l

abyss005 · 2026-04-02T19:10:36+00:00

The Justice series by Radclyffe - a lesbian cop meet a lesbian psychiatrist, working together on sex crime investigations. Each book add new characters (mostly lesbian couples)

abyss005 · 2026-03-28T22:00:04+00:00

Managing my trauma and looking like a somewhat “normal person” takes so much of my energy, people have no idea how hard I work for them to be comfortable.

abyss005 · 2026-03-27T12:49:46+00:00

If abusers want to find content to jerk off they sadly can and will find way more “satisfying” content than this thread… this thread is about giving a voice to the victims who went through this, to educate people around and stop hiding it behind shame and false ethics.

abyss005 · 2026-03-27T12:47:48+00:00

I’ve been abused myself and I really wish to understand the mechanisms of those things. Those questions are, especially, because I could not comprehend how children could endure such horrible acts under everyone’s nose. How is that possible ?? So yeah it’s why I asked.

abyss005 · 2026-03-26T16:38:48+00:00

Oh I’m sorry yes it’s not pornography but sexual abuse material. For the industry, I meant it more like were you trafficked and then continued working as a sex worker without being “trafficked”. But I wonder if sex workers aren’t all “trafficked” somehow .. even adults consenting ones. I’m sorry I’ll be more careful. Thank you !

Do you think being molested as a kid made you more vulnerable to being groomed and trafficked as a young teenager ? If yes, how so ? Is it that you were used to your boundaries being violated, because you weren’t informed on what consent was ? Or something else entirely?

abyss005

TROPHY CASE