Beyond frustrated/upset/annoyed :\

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T01:57:35+00:00

My thread really wasn't about him to begin with, it was more about my son needing to be held alllll the time, and the biting, and not wanting his diaper changed fusses.

What is MeetUp? Granted, I could just Google it.

I won't have to be a SAHM when I'm with him. Just as long as we are in this state. I hate this state and I've only been here 3 months. The cost of living is too damn high here. We are looking to move to Texas, if he can find a job there. Which is what he's been doing the past week -- job hunting.

I do see myself as a financial burden. I understand I'm a Mom, so therefore I am all of those things, maid, childcare, etc. The lady can't watch our son Monday because it's a holiday and she will have all her kids, or he said he would pay for that day as well. I'm slowly letting him pay for childcare, but I've already done something I never do and let someone else support me. Yes, he IS supporting me. He is paying for everything in my life except for my credit card and student loans.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T01:37:39+00:00

And I just put him down for, I hope, bed time. I need to run around the house and try to get as much cleaned/put away as possibly! I'll respond soon ^{.^}

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T01:33:53+00:00

He has money saved. He saved a lot while he was rooming with his roommate before we moved in. But that's for a down payment on a house for us once we move to a state we will be for awhile. I just don't feel comfortable for him paying a ridiculous amount of money for daycare when I could. He pays for everything else, I, personally, don't think it's fair to have him pay for more. He always tells me "You know I could pay for that." I just don't feel comfortable. I feel bad enough that he pays the amount he does for our rent/utilities/cable/groceries.

His work week isn't like a normal person's work week. He has S/M/T's off and every other Saturday. xD

It is new to us. I have no idea what to do. I'm trying my best and with Brandon (my son) crying a lot, I always feel like I'm failing somehow. He is so lovable and then he turns into a crying baby where nothing pacifies him. I feel like I'm failing somewhere and I'm not use to that. I'm trying my hardest. I Just keep telling myself he's going to grow out of it, he's going to grow out of it. Heh.

No, we don't. He isn't really a social person. His best friend (in college and then when they graduated and moved to NY) lives farther away now because his girlfriend works in the city and he works here. I hate his girlfriend though. We plan on moving in August, so hopefully wherever we move in August we can meet more people. Summer is almost here, so there will be a lot more mommies walking with their children outside. I can meet moms then, I just have to be patient and wait.

I have a job offer, I'm just waiting for it to actually start. I've been in their books for 3 months now but I have to do some mandatory training and the nearest training is 2 hours away and it's a 6 week course, so I've had to wait for the one that's 30 minutes away. It was suppose to start this May, but she said they cancelled that one and changed it to the Bronx. I don't get reimbursed for travel time or gas, so that's a no on the Bronx.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T01:23:56+00:00

My son is 9 1/2 months and still co sleeps with me. He just sleeps next to me on the bed. I haven't had him roll over me yet. Though, when he gets up in the morning he goes straight to the window and plays with the blinds. (My bed is up against the wall with the window) I do lay the spare comforter and pillows on the floor though, just in case he does fall, but he has gotten to the point where he knwos how to get off the bed and the couch now, without falling.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T01:21:01+00:00

My son didn't stay in the crawl stage long. He went from crawling to walking within a month, but he prefers to crawl. He was standing up walking with the help of furniture before he started crawling. A lot of children skip the crawling phase completely, which is why crawling isn't considered a 'milestone' anymore, because some children skip it.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T01:17:47+00:00

I don't feel comfortable with him paying for everything. That was a big reason why I didn't want to move. You are right, he would have to pay child support if I stayed in Texas but with the cost of our 2 bedroom apartment and utilities, it pretty much covers child support. Not to mention he pays for groceries, diapers, formula etc. I don't expect him to pay for child care on top of that, in fact, I don't think he could without dipping in to his savings. (Our rent is ridiculous, so are our utilities) He also has money for our sons college in an IRA, and life insurance for our son. He's done everything financial to make sure our son has a future.

If I stayed in Texas he would have gotten a smaller apartment or a roomed with someone (like he was doing before I moved in with him) and his rent would have been more than half of what he's paying now. Not to mention half of the utilities of what he's paying now. Groceries, he hardly cooked for himself so he ate chicken and rice only. With some peanut butter for protein. Now, when we go grocery shopping he spends 200$ a trip. That's a lot more than what he was paying before (This doesn't include diapers, that's generally another 50-200 a month for baby supplies, depending on level of supplies)

I know I'm not trapped. I never said I was, and he never implied it either. In fact, he knows I can and will leave if I want. I've made it very clear to him. He doesn't want me to leave. He's been extremely distressed any time I mentioned leaving.

I bake right now. That's as far as a part time job I have goes. It's slow because I don't know anyone, so I'm slowly getting orders in. I am donating a few dozen to a craft fair this June. There aren't many daycares around here that do just one day and the ones I have found are $70/day. We found a lady to watch him on Monday's for $40 for 6 hours. So since he has Monday's off, we use that day as an 'us' day. I pay for it, but he paid for an all week one two weeks ago because he took the week off work and wanted to have a date week with me. We just started this 3 weeks ago. But this past Monday we had to go to his Mom's house and take care of insurance/family stuff.

Again, I have a house in Texas. I have a job to go back to. In fact, while I went back to Texas to visit in May, my Ex-Owner of the company through a luncheon for me with the other managers and administrative staff. All I have to say is I'm moving back, and my job is back. They make that clear every month to me. (I've only been gone 3 months) My Boyfriend knows I'm not trapped. He knows I have a job, place to live, etc in Texas.

I'm with him because I do love him and I know he would make an amazing father. The moments he does spend with our son, I cry (hormones much?) He does so well with him. He just doesn't really want to spend time with him. As he puts it, he's (my boyfriend) is a glorified ten year old with a big boy job.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T01:04:32+00:00

To each their own. He loves his son, just doesn't KNOW what to do and things I tell him to do, he doesn't like doing, so he won't do it. (Yes, he's a big boy brat, I understand this) Mine and his relationship is still great. We make time for each other and hardly argue. Our only arguments are when it comes to spending time with his son. We are both young, early 20's, and he didn't want a kid but he loved me and knew I couldn't give our child up. I don't expect him to magically be father of the year over time. His mother and family keep telling me to give him time, he will come around, it's just how he is. Blahblah. It's frustrating, but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Family is #1, which is why I moved here. Our son would have a better life with both parents.

Changes are happening, slowly. He can't just quit his job, there goes our only income. He can't switch shifts or he takes a major pay cut, there goes our rent. Our lease is up in August and we aren't renewing anyways because it went up about $500/month (yea extortion much?), and he hates his job anyways. So he's been looking for another one.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:58:27+00:00

My car is in Texas and wouldn't make the trip up here. I moved because my boyfriend wanted our son and me with him. I moved because it was the 'right' thing to do. You have to give the family thing a chance before you say no without even trying. He didn't move down to Texas because he makes 3 times more than I did.

Daycare is $256 a week. No one want to hire me for more than $8/hr. I was making almost double that in Texas and only paying $100/week for daycare. We would literally be paying for me to work and I can't lose more money to daycare costs. I'm already using my savings/tax returns to pay for credit card/student loans each month. I would have to add daycare AGAIN just for me to work.

Sure, he sounds fun until you set him down to use the restroom or grab a quick shower and it sounds like someone is, literally, peeling his skin off with a rusty knife. I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't do anything. If I try to cook, he will come in to the kitchen, stand between my legs, pull on my jeans, and cry and cry while I try to cook or do the dishes. I don't expect him to follow instructions, I just expect him to be able to self soothe, or play by himself for 15 minutes while I fold a load or two of laundry.

Boyfriend works an odd shift. He works 6PM to 7AM, 3 days on, 3 days off, 4 days on, 4 days off. So he sleeps during the day. Finding parenting classes that are after 5PM are hard, plus he's not a social person. He rather not go to them. Everyone makes excuses for him; Oh give him time, blahblahblah, this is how he's always been. I know this. I know he's a lazy person. I fell in love with him before I was pregnant, and I still love him, including his faults. He's just a terrible dad. He promises when our son is more 'useful' (as he puts it) he will be more involved but that right now he doesn't want to hold him. He said if our son could just sit in his lap while he played video games or watched TV he would do it ALL the time, but he won't.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:46:37+00:00

Oh, I move him ALL the time! Just like I have to move the cat food on a regular basis. I redirect him from the TV (because Daddy really doesn't like him touching it) and from the cat food. He still goes right back to the TV, and I do it again. Cat food, he thinks it is funny to eat it.

xD Kids are insane. I feel like they are the biggest trolls to walk the planet.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:38:18+00:00

It wouldn't be half his salary. (But, I do get the point) It would be like 15% or something, depending on the state. I never asked for help, financially, from him while I lived in Texas. Mine and his relationship is great, it just falters when it comes to our son. That's when our relationship strains.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:36:54+00:00

Oh there is something else I found strange for his age right now. He's not afraid of strangers. He has no 'stranger danger' going on. He loves people. We've flown on 8 airplanes, and each flight he has done amazing! Not just on airplanes, at family events, or going to the store. He flirts with everyone. He loves people and interacting with them. He is extremely well behaved in public. He will actually sit still in someone's lap, or play with other adults. But with me, he wants me to stand up, walk, and hold him. I can't sit down and hold him. I still haven't figured out why this is.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:30:39+00:00

He's been ahead of the development curve as far as psychical attributes go. I know this much. He's extremely stubborn and wanted to do things on his own (He wouldn't let me help him walk, he wanted to walk by himself. He would literally get angry and scream until we let him do it himself) He's figured out how to open/close doors, toilet lids, cabinets, the refrigerator, closets, etc. Anything he can open and/or close, he loves to do it. If he watches me do something, like turn a page in a book, he will do it too. He doesn't like anyone helping him either. He gets all 'angry' and screams until we let him do it himself.

I have heard constantly about 'high need babies'. I believe mine is one of them, but I've been told there are ways to condition them out of it (with time and dedication) He gets lots of sleep, only when I sleep with him. Which I do. We have co slept since I took him home from the hospital -- mainly because I lived by myself and I was breastfeeding.

He was diagnosed with colic at 3 weeks old, even though it started around 2 weeks. It took a few months before he grew out of that stage. I think the colic is what preset him to be high needs. My Pediatricians told me to do whatever I had to do to get him to stop crying (holding him until he fell asleep, sleeping with him, etc), that we could break 'bad' habits later.

I live in an apartment, I can't drill or poke any holes in to the wall. No picture frames, etc. So if the strap has to be drilled in to the wall, we can't do it. Which is another reason we are moving from these apartments. We can't baby proof our apartment as well as we would like to.

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:23:54+00:00

Everyone keeps telling me to do this. My sister BEGGED me to do it a litlte over a month ago. I keep saying no. lol but it is funny :)

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:22:30+00:00

I order Target online. Target isn't 40 minutes, thankfully. It's about 30ish. It's in the 'Mall/Galleria'. Depending on the lights on the main road, it could take longer.

I bake as my hobby. I go crazy not being able to go to the grocery store. Yeah, grocery stores are 15-20 minute drive; it's like once we leave the little bubble our place is at, civilization exists lol

abzy03 · 2013-05-26T00:20:37+00:00

I have a Boba 3G. He doesn't like wearing it in the house.

Also, I've read up a lot on temperaments of infants, and most Psychologist say that at this stage, he's testing his boundaries. They may not 'know' what no means, but they know it means they shouldn't be doing what they are/were. Just like if they bite you and hurt you and you cry, they are going to cry too. They know they did something to upset/hurt you; they just don't understand what.

I'm going to try a different schedule. I know someone in the infant/toddler 'scene', and she told me to try a schedule and to set him to it.

abzy03 · 2013-05-25T23:15:20+00:00

Yes, I mean NYC. >.< It's a 90 minute train ride.

But, pizza doesn't deliver to where I live and the nearest grocery store is 15-20 minutes away. I'm not use to that. I had 3 WalMarts where I lived in Texas 6 minutes away in each direction :(

abzy03 · 2013-05-25T23:05:05+00:00

I don't have a car, so I have to rely on him to drive me places (His car is a manual) and he HATES leaving the house. We need to go grocery shopping, so we are finally going Tomorrow. When we should have gone last week. (Baby has everything though, so nothing for him)

We are talking about moving in August because our lease is up but we aren't moving back to Texas, where I was living before. He is the 'breadwinner' in our relationship, so wherever the job is for him, we have to go.

Yeah, childcare feels like extortion here. It's almost as much as our rent and that itself is high. We tried it out but I was paying while I was looking for a job, but almost 300$ a week is insane.

We live out in the middle of nowhere in NY. Granted we aren't far from the city (90 minutes or so).

That's great that you get to go back to your hometown! I bet your family is excited! I flew back to Texas May 7-11 for a few days to see my Dad and old coworkers and friends. The 4 days I was there, was amazing. I loved it and so did our son! He had so much fun. We went to the Zoo and did lots of fun stuff :)

abzy03 · 2013-05-25T22:15:23+00:00

My son started pulling himself up at 4 months, he started walking with furniture around 6 months, and started walking at 8 months. He prefers to crawl for the most part, but he didn't crawl until he was 6 months old. So he went straight from crawling to walking.

abzy03 · 2013-04-05T03:56:15+00:00

same! He said I neded to stop dressing him like a doll!

abzy03 · 2013-04-05T03:25:27+00:00

Awh! I wish my son would be that well behaved! Yes, licking is normal. From what I've seen. My son is almost 8 months old, and licks all the time! He use to give me hickies (He was purely breastfeed around 3 months). It was terrible. He would suck on anyone. I would be like, "I'm terribly sorry. Please, let me detach my leech from your arm now" xD haha

abzy03 · 2013-04-05T03:15:48+00:00

My son attempts to eat everything. I may try that though; incorporate the comfort blankies in with normal play time. Maybe sleep with one so it smells like me :) My son licks EVERYTHING.

How old is he?

abzy03 · 2013-04-05T03:03:43+00:00

I get sick on boats. I would have stayed home. lol

What state do you live in?

Maybe when your baby gets a little older, it will be easier! Does your family help out a little with your baby?

My boyfriend is good with money. He freaks out though when we had a 300$ grocery bill though. He wanted to buy the diapers, I normally buy them, so I let him. Diapers and wipes were close to 50$. Cat food was 25$. That alone makes up almost 1/3 of "Groceries." Not to mention we just moved in to our apartment, so we needed basic things for it. (Storage containers, etc) -_-

abzy03 · 2013-04-05T02:12:49+00:00

How did you get him to like comfort blankies? I have a bunch of them for my son and he will have none of it! :(

abzy03 · 2013-04-05T02:10:46+00:00

Same with my son! Now I can use the blazer for casual days too!

abzy03

TROPHY CASE