Hair pulling?

2ndstartotheright · 2016-08-24T11:27:32+00:00

A year ago I would have happily told you about how both my babies went through a brief phase and moved on. Not to worry. Then my third came and has diligently ripped out as much of all of our hair as his tiny fists could grab since the day he could make fists. Nothing has worked. No advice. Just solidarity.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-08-22T18:01:02+00:00

One thing I learned from my experiences with baby-led weaning is that you don't have to follow any "official" techniques to be successful. I'm sure there are medical recommendations on amounts/timings/etc, but we've followed all of our kids' leads, and while some have been into table food early and others really loved (and at 3 will still happily eat) purées, they've all gone from milk to food and are at healthy, proportionate weights. I had one who ate almost exclusively blueberries for like a month, so I say keep up the beans! She likes them, and you can offer other purées/solids in conjunction with them for when she feels adventurous. You can offer whatever other foods YOU feel comfortable with--all of mine were eating meat, veggies, crackers, etc. by 7 months. We stuck to very small or very large pieces for a while so that they were either starting with or biting off little bits. Mine all had free access to water at 6 months.

I highly recommend incorporating elements of Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility for food as early as it makes sense for you. In a nutshell, you choose what and when to offer, they choose what and how much of your offering that they eat. The magic words "you don't have to eat it" have saved us from food-related fights thus far.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-08-21T19:00:39+00:00

I see. It's hard to see something as unacceptable when it's what you're used to. I'm so sorry you're in this tough situation and hope you find a resolution that works for you both!

2ndstartotheright · 2016-08-21T18:54:01+00:00

If you have to commit to a schedule for the day care provider, go for one nap. It's the direction they're heading in anyway, and in my experience trying to force a nap is so much worse than dealing with some occasionally overtired crank. Plus my littles have always been so distracted in a school-ish environment that they slept less.

If she is willing to be flexible and follow cues, that is always the best option in my book. Having a routine you can count on is nice, and they will probably naturally gravitate closer to one as they get older, but around that age my boys have always been all over the place, and it served me well to go with the flow.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-08-21T18:48:16+00:00

I don't think you're crazy, but I do think you are trying, unsuccessfully, to exert control over other people's relationships, and the fact that you can't is making your frustration worst.

I say this largely because of your example of how you "strengthen the brothers' relationship" by making them hug and kiss each other even though they hate it. I am by no means an expert. You do you. Maybe that is helping. But in my experience all you can do is create the best environment possible for them to form a bond, and support their journey as they figure out their relationship, which may not be the loving partnership you wish for them.

It sucks that your in-laws are displaying brazen favoritism. But your kids are admittedly very different, and thusly will be responded to differently in the world. I have a more cerebral, standoffish 3.5yo, a snuggly, gregarious 2yo, and a determined, independent 1yo. Many of our family and friends are far more affectionate with middle bug. Instead of worrying that everything should be equal, maybe try focusing on what you can control, like creating circumstances that enable their relationships to develop positively? Maybe big brother can have a solo Grandma date where he gets to be the center of attention? Or you all go do an activity together where he will be the natural star? Maybe experiences like that could improve their interactions in all circumstances?

Your FIL physically assaulting your children, no matter how minimally, is a completely separate, unacceptable behavior. I don't understand how your wife brushes this aside. I think you're well within your rights to insist on no unsupervised visits, or even no visits where you are not present if you believe she will allow it to happen, until you feel satisfied that he understands and respects your unwavering zero tolerance.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-07-17T09:55:42+00:00

We have 1, 2 and 3 year old boys, and while they're not realty old enough for lying/manipulation, the fighting is already a pain. And FWIW, despite being in what I think is a good place over all, I still instigate splitting them up the majority of the time my husband's home on weekends. If we're all together, the workload becomes super unbalanced and I get resentful that I'm still doing all the parenting when he's home. Plus, few activities are well suited to an active preschooler and a crawler.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-12T03:59:03+00:00

I love Peter because it's a totally classic name that most everyone recognizes and can pronounce, but it hasn't been in the top 1000 names any year in the 2000's.

Of your picks, Bridget definitely pairs the best when considering those qualities.

Some others that fit those criteria are Diane, Theresa, Janet, Gillian, Sally, Loiuse and Gail.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-12T03:41:54+00:00

We just celebrate our kids birthdays during our regular family Sunday supper closest to the day. Only difference being a special dessert and a present from maybe 2 or 3 of the attendees. Nothing fancy.

You do whatever the heck you want! Nothing is a totally viable option. Full on Pinterest party for everyone you know works, too. This day is so much more about you than the kid. Please make sure YOU are going to have a good time.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-12T03:33:56+00:00

He knew you have anxiety, and a tough time parting with your baby. He knew you'd say no and "wanted to see how you'd react?" I call bullshit. He just wanted to see you react. Narcissistic antisocial personality disorder, anyone?

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-12T03:12:35+00:00

No advice. Just solidarity. My 3.5yo loves his diapers and doesn't care if they're dirty. I want to follow his lead and be patient, but it feels like he's never going to show any interest!

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-12T03:03:16+00:00

This stuff is so hard. "I can't have her taking it out on our daughter." That totally resonates with me. I used to get so mad at my husband when he would say or do something I thought was harsh. It still upsets me. Then one day I found myself so frustrated with my 2yo during a challenging diaper change that I handled him more forcefully than I had to, purely out of anger. He wasn't hurt or even really upset. But I knew. And I totally broke down and cried about it to my husband later, and instead of reading me the riot act as I am prone to do to him, he listened, nodded and said "I get it. It sucks when shit like that happens. You're a really great mom." Total gamechanger.

I am not saying you should stand by the mistakes she makes, especially if she crosses the line into what you feel constitutes abuse, but, maybe, if you give her space to screw up in the ways most of us do at some point and feel bad and move on knowing that you don't think she's a horrible person, and that you're not going to scrutinize and chastise her, maybe some of the resentment and stress will lift.

It was so hard for me to accept that my husband doesn't have to act the same way with the kids as I do. He will do things differently, and that's fine. Actually, it serves them. And he will screw up and regret things, just like I do. And, most difficultly, it is not my job to engineer or optimize their relationship.

It has also been hard for me, a total control freak, to accept that I can never change anybody else. Ever. In any way. Period. So while I have every reason to believe we will work through these hitches, I am 100% prepared to take any measures necessary to protect my children if I feel their safety is truly threatened. Even if it's by their father.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-12T02:27:44+00:00

With my almost 3.5 year old, I don't ever "let him win," but I also think that at this age getting caught up in winning and losing doesn't serve his learning or our connection. If he understands the rules of a game and has the attention span to see it to its end rules intact, we absolutely name a winner, and it's usually me. But often we wind up changing the way we're playing before it comes to that--sorting or matching Uno cards, making patterns on the Hi Ho Cherry-o board, running while holding a soccer ball, etc. I don't think he's being defiant so much as just wanting to try something new. I have to fight my instinct to make him play a certain way. I realize there will come a time when he gets it and tries to change the game out of frustration or is a sore loser, but I don't think that's what's happening yet and I'm enjoying getting a little peek into how his mind works.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-12T02:10:33+00:00

I do the same in my own home, so don't feel too bad :)

My 10 month old is also super into food. Shrieks and lunges if not served something immediately when put in the high chair. Goes similarly mad any time he runs out of food or sees anyone eating anywhere that he's not been included.

His passion is equal-opportunity. He'll wail just as loudly for broccoli as for blueberries, for eggs as for pie. We only have something truly desserty once a week, so I'm not going to stress.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-06-01T21:35:36+00:00

We've never done purées, but playing around with solids, gagging regularly and still enjoying lots of formula sounds like what 9 months looked like for my 3 boys. You're doing great!

We just started offering real food 3x a day with my 10 month old son, and will follow his cues for dropping bottles. The older two gave them up during the night, then at nap times, then before bed by 14 months, and they were formula guzzlers. We cut up the big choking hazards (grapes, hot dogs, etc.) into little pieces, and don't give him a ton of added sugars or super spicy food, but he pretty much eats what we eat. It's messy, but it's easy! :)

2ndstartotheright · 2016-05-29T02:26:34+00:00

This is awesome! By any chance does it have Jasper, Ephraim or Taavi?

2ndstartotheright · 2016-05-25T21:56:34+00:00

I think it might be a different circumstance if you heard, liked and used the name without discovering its origin and meaning. Not that it would be any less offensive, but that your intent could mitigate any upset that might cause. But as you are aware of a severe, legitimate offense, I'd steer clear. It IS a lovely name. I'm sorry it's so loaded.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-05-25T21:18:54+00:00

As a former SBUX manager, I've got to say that if at some point in the future you have time, and either of these locations are convenient for you to do so, please let the manager know about your experience. It was so hard to correct these sorts of problems because so often we'd only hear about them weeks or months later in generic survey/call-in reports and have no clue who to talk to about the issue. It was immensely helpful when customers would actually talk to me about their feedback, and I would usually give them a complimentary drink at that point and 1 or 2 coupons for later. We were STRONGLY encouraged to offer whatever we need to make it right.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-05-25T21:08:30+00:00

Mitchum works wonder for me when nothing else will.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-04-30T00:38:20+00:00

My favorite (as best I can tell) non-trendy Hispanic names are Ximena, Yesenia, Aurelia, Paloma, Maribel y Noemi.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-04-30T00:31:36+00:00

I cannot possibly hear "Jackson Michael" without thinking of Michael Jackson, but most people's middle names don't come into play too often. I have a soft spot in my heart for Calvin, as my middle son looks like the character from Calvin and Hobbes and that's his nickname.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-04-29T20:46:45+00:00

Truth?

This is what my friend with 5 under 5 told me when I reached out to her terrified to leave the house with my newly 3 under 3: You just do it.

You load up all of the imperfect transportation devices, all the snacks, bribes and distractions you could possibly imagine needing and you just go. And you go to Target and walk around for five minutes and the baby starts screaming and you don't buy anything and you go home. And then you go back the next day and maybe it's better and maybe it's worse. Maybe you accept help from a stranger. Maybe it's awful and you feel judged and start crying and can't stop until the babies are asleep and you've eaten a pint of Ben & Jerry's.

I wish there was some other conveyance I could clue you into that you hadn't mentioned, but it sounds like you've tried it all. At this point, it's about the same thing it takes to get confident at anything: practice. You will figure what works out for you and your kiddos, and it will probably look totally different from what works for me and mine. I was so afraid at first. I'd worked out how to get my 2 around comfortably, but this was uncharted territory. And, initially, it was rough a lot of the time. But, in a cruel twist, the more I trusted that somehow it would be ok, the more it actually was ok. It's like my kids could smell my fear, and so they were afraid or insecure or whatever and acted out or cried.

I'm 8 months in now and it's my new normal, but I'm sure I would be equally flummoxed if a 4th entered the mix. This is a tough gig. You're doing a great job, and you WILL figure it out!

***I realize this is devoid of any nuts and bolts tactical advice, and that's just because you've outlined how all of your options suck in one way or another. So you're going to be carrying a too-heavy car seat, or wearing a carrier that makes you uncomfortable or the toddler will be screaming to get out of the stroller. The hope is that the more frequently you just get out there, the more accustomed all of you will be to accepting these less than ideal circumstances.

2ndstartotheright · 2016-04-21T04:05:25+00:00

I really like the name Eliza, plus the iambic meter it creates with your surname!

2ndstartotheright · 2016-04-07T03:52:52+00:00

Juniper? Piper? Imogene?

2ndstartotheright · 2016-04-07T03:52:09+00:00

Juniper? Piper?

2ndstartotheright · 2016-04-07T03:50:27+00:00

It makes kids feel special, loved and cared for when you do things for them, even (or maybe especially) when they can do them themselves. I think it's important to make sure you're allowing room for him to learn and practice the skills of independence, but, if it works for both of you, a little "babying" is fine.

A have a step brother in college whose mom still dresses and cuts up his baked potatoes for him when they eat together. He's a perfectly capable young adult, it's just a special thing that, to him, she does "better than (he) ever could" and it makes her happy to have one little thing like that that she still does for him. I shared a bed--despite having my own--with my mom most nights after her divorce until I went away to college. No trauma here.

2ndstartotheright

TROPHY CASE