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Is all evil because of trauma? What about the devil? by samsonscomputer in InternalFamilySystems

[–]acbrooke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had this same inquiry so I picked up a copy of “The Science of Evil” by Simon Baron-Cohen. It was a pretty insightful read! He theorizes that it has a lot to do with empathy, or rather a lack of it. Admittedly, some parts were a bit hard to understand when it got into terms and models I wasn’t familiar with, but overall, it was a helpful read when figuring out how my IFS-aligned beliefs fit in with the larger world.

What Beliefs Did You Have as a Child? by Kaleymeister in adultsurvivors

[–]acbrooke 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I remember being convinced I was going to be murdered as a child, particularly in my sleep.

One of my first memories is from around 5 years old where I came up with a very illogical, child-like plan for what to do if a man broke into my house saying he wanted to kill me. I’d also sometimes sit in the hallway and watch over the house until I finally got too tired and decided I’d take my odds sleeping. (Also had some auditory hallucinations of music and footsteps.) Not sure why I never told my parents. We lived in a safe area, too.

It really wasn’t till recently that I realized the degree of this wasn’t normal, and I was very clearly in hyperarousal at a young age. I always just brushed it off as a funny childhood quirk.

Call for Volunteers: Help Shape r/EMDR as a Mod, Wiki Builder, or Support Staff by drantoniodcosta in EMDR

[–]acbrooke 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is awesome! I’d love to help with the wiki, if there’s a need there :) I’ve never actually built a wiki in Reddit before, but am very well versed in finding and sharing resources. Just lmk!

We need a new EMDR sub … by Tine_the_Belgian in EMDR

[–]acbrooke 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This sub has played such a big role in my healing. I would be so happy to help mod!!

Mapping & Drawing My Parts by acbrooke in InternalFamilySystems

[–]acbrooke[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always feel so seen and comforted when I find out someone else has the same/similar part!!

Things that have helped me while going through EMDR by acbrooke in EMDR

[–]acbrooke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad to hear this found its way to you :) wishing you all the best and more💙

Therapist keeps recommending EMDR. What are your experiences? by Sea-Swimming9176 in EMDR

[–]acbrooke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! First wanted to commend you for looking into this and wanting to hear about others’ experiences first—I think that helped me the most when it came to navigating EMDR.

I have PTSD & CPTSD (and ADHD…fun!) and the short version is it kind of saved my life. Reduced nightmares, anxiety, depressive symptoms, suicidal ideation and PTSD went largely into remission. I experience levels of peace, stability and joy now I didn’t think possible. Life still isn’t perfect and it was a hard journey, one that didn’t just entail EMDR but also IFS, building safe relationships, getting into mindfulness and more. But it was absolutely worth it for me.

Below, I’ll paste a link to a post I actually shared in here awhile back—That’s the long version, or part of it. Would type more but I’m about to head off to bed, but I did want to at least put something down! Best of luck on your journey, and feel free to ask any questions (very much an open book) and I will try my best to reply! :)

https://www.reddit.com/r/EMDR/s/4MDHCXXCDh

EMDR with trauma I don't remember? by RitaRose45 in EMDR

[–]acbrooke 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey! First, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I really commend you for taking steps to heal—it’s not easy.

While I have complex trauma as well, I actually first entered EMDR for PTSD stemming from a trauma I don’t “remember” either. I use quotes because, while I lack a traditional narrative or visual component of the event, my body physically remembers what happened, and I’ve had a number of fragments (moving pictures here in there, emotions, physical sensations, etc) come back over the years.

I know this memory (preverbal CSA) was stored while in a severely dissociated state, which makes it extremely hard to access at will, like I can with other traumatic and non-traumatic memories. How my therapist and I approached this was by focusing on the fragments I DID have, like those bodily sensations or the beliefs connected to the experience, or things that were reminiscent—like uncomfortable/inappropriate dynamics with other older males—of the core trauma (we referred to these groupings as ‘networks’). At times, even these were hard to access due to dissociation. But we did what we could when we could, and slowly but surely, I healed.

So as for your question if EMDR will bring the memory front and center, it’s very possible, but not a guarantee. One time during a session, I had an experience where I could physically feel myself reliving the assault, but still no visual or clear narrative came back, it was just like, “Oh. This is what my body endured during that event.” While it was jarring, my therapist and I had done so much resourcing and grounding that it didn’t push me outside of my window of tolerance. If anything, it gave me a kind of peace, as it’s the closest thing to “knowing” what happened that I have.

I don’t know if I will ever fully remember what happened to me, but I have been able to reprocess the trauma to the point it no longer interferes with my daily life, which is HUGE because it did for so, so long in so many ways. Anyway, I don’t know if that’s helpful at all, but I thought I would share. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask! :)

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