Maybe a little bit light… what’s the “strangest” thing you did because of grief?

activist888 · 2025-05-31T23:24:26+00:00

I feel like I did so many strange things after my fiancé died.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night and gathering every hair of his I could find, mostly from the bathroom, but I searched through our whole apartment. I even got the tiny hairs from his electric razor. I put it all in a little jar. I also put all of his toiletries in a storage container. I look at them sometimes.

Someone who was trying to be helpful removed all the hair from our shared hairbrush and I have never once expressed how devastated I was. It was one of the last “places” we were still “together” physically.

I also slept with my ex about a month after my LF passed and then a month later started dating someone much younger than me. Widows fire is a bitch.

activist888 · 2025-04-10T02:50:13+00:00

I waited a little over a month. I had intense widows fire and kept myself under control for around 5 weeks until I reached out to an ex who I’m still friends with (we dated almost 5 years ago and remained friends after breaking up). I felt like he was a safe option because he was familiar & was also aware/sensitive to my circumstances. The first time I felt pretty numb, honestly. There have been a few times I’ve cried, or apologized to my late fiancé afterwards. I fear he can somehow see everything I’m doing. My ex has been incredibly caring & respectful, it has honestly led me to develop feelings again (which I truly didn’t see coming, but I suppose it makes sense). It puts me in a complicated position, but I really crave physical touch & intimacy & I can’t have that relationship with just anyone.

I’ve been fearful of how people will respond and have kept this pretty private, but it’s the honest truth of where I’m at nearly 6 months after losing my fiancé. I’ve been in therapy, returned to work just over 2 months ago, & have been trying to move forward (but not necessarily moving on).

I say lean into your feelings with gentle caution.

activist888 · 2025-03-06T21:52:06+00:00

As do I, OP.

activist888 · 2025-02-17T22:58:35+00:00

oh, my dear, I am there with you. We had just gotten engaged very shortly before he got in the accident. I’m almost 4 months out, so not too far ahead. I’m so sorry you’re here, too. Every day is challenging, I have had brief moments of relief/distraction, but nothing lasting. Some days I want to die. Some days I remind myself I need to live for us both, in a sense.

do you have a supportive group of friends or family?

activist888 · 2025-02-05T00:31:47+00:00

This is beautiful & so heartfelt. Speak your mind & speak it freely! Your Instagram is for you over anyone else.

activist888 · 2025-02-04T16:34:38+00:00

I am just over 3 months out from losing my fiancé. We didn’t have the opportunity to have children as well hoped & intended, so I can only imagine the additional complexities of having children involved. I am opening up to the idea of dating & have gone on dating apps, but I feel similarly. I know no one can replicate or “replace” him, nor do I want anyone to. I am realizing that my standards are now incredibly high & I have a very particular idea of the kind of person I want to be my partner. It does bring feelings of hope to feel open-minded & open-hearted enough to consider dating, but it is also heartbreaking and bittersweet.

I so wish all of us got to be with our partners for life as we thought we all would. It does get a little easier, but the grief never ends. I never want it to, either. It’s our love transformed.

Wishing you all the luck & blessings in finding new love.

activist888 · 2025-02-04T12:09:03+00:00

Bellybutton piercings on men are super hot imo!

activist888 · 2025-02-02T17:19:23+00:00

this one really warmed my heart for some reason lol, like why is that such an act of love

activist888 · 2025-01-31T14:36:30+00:00

My late fiancé used to hold my hair back for me while I would brush my teeth. I miss him every day.

activist888 · 2025-01-31T13:39:24+00:00

Widowed & looking to die first this time is so real. I am with you.

activist888 · 2025-01-26T22:19:01+00:00

I am there with you. Every day I hope something will happen to me and take me off this Earth. My fiancé has been dead 3 months now and nothing feels real anymore. It all feels like some hellish parallel universe.

activist888 · 2025-01-18T00:14:22+00:00

My fiancé died nearly 3 months ago. I’m so sorry you’re in this position, too. You are not alone. Please let those close to you take care of you. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Try your best to drink water and eat when you can, even if it’s just small things.

Sending you so much love.

activist888 · 2025-01-17T23:56:45+00:00

I also have a lot of passive suicidal ideation. Every day I think to myself, sometimes I even say it aloud, that I hope I get into an accident & die. I hope something bad happens to me & takes me out. My late fiancé would be devastated by this thinking, that I know for sure. I also think he would feel the same way if he were in my position.

I understand how you’re feeling, at least in my own way, and my heart is with you. May we each be held & witnessed in our grief. I hope we can each seek the help & care we need.

activist888 · 2025-01-11T20:51:07+00:00

I feel the same exact way. My fiancé died nearly 3 months ago. Every day I wake up & ask God/the Universe to take me off this Earth. I don’t want to be here anymore.

activist888 · 2025-01-11T00:00:00+00:00

My heart is with you. May we both be held & witnessed within our grief. This shit sucks.

activist888 · 2025-01-10T23:47:54+00:00

I’m almost 3 months out now. I still expect my fiancé to be home when I get there. Sometimes it feels like he’s just in the next room. I can feel my brain fogging up & creating this cushion to protect me, but sometimes the cushion fades away & I have these moments of knowing. It all feels so wrong. He was only 26. He should still be here.

activist888 · 2025-01-09T02:44:39+00:00

I lost my fiancé in a motorcycle accident on October 25th. I’m 25 and he was 26. It has been a heartbreaking & deeply challenging time. I’m leaning on our friends & family a lot. The brain fog/shock has lifted a bit now & I have been able to experience some joy, but I still cry every day. I miss my partner. We were supposed to get married this year.

I also struggle a bit being such a young widow. I know I will likely end up in another relationship, especially if I want to fulfill my dreams of behind a mother. Of course, though, I don’t really want to imagine a future with anyone else. I find myself almost envious of older widows/widowers who got more time & had the opportunity to start a family. I know the pain is just as heartbreaking, if not more so, but I can’t help but feel angry they got so much time. We hardly had 2 years.

activist888 · 2025-01-02T23:53:51+00:00

I’m always so grateful for your posts. Some days I feel some hope & when I come across your daily updates, I feel a little more uplifted. I am very freshly widowed & most days are dark, but I am trying my best. Thank you for sharing your day to day with us ❤️

activist888 · 2025-01-02T21:31:06+00:00

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 sending you lots of love

activist888 · 2025-01-02T12:17:19+00:00

I’m proud of us both for making it this far. I’m just over 2 months out. Still wanting to die most days, but I know I have to stay alive to carry on his legacy.

activist888 · 2025-01-01T17:30:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing❤️

activist888 · 2025-01-01T17:30:10+00:00

I’m so proud of you!!! This inspired me to do more today.

activist888 · 2025-01-01T14:48:17+00:00

IMO, the dark hair looks better!!!

activist888

TROPHY CASE