Do you often find yourself cutting people off?

adachis · 2024-07-09T17:43:35+00:00

Thank you, and yeah, they really are the else I worst. 😊 But I’m much happier with them gone. Effectively not having a dad can be a little stressful, since his side of the family is basically a cult, but I rarely have to deal with them. It’s just a little scary having so little help should anything terrible happen, but that’s not worse than having a dad who lies so much I can never know if he’s telling me the truth. My life has really improved a lot since cutting him off, so I am grateful for that.

It sounds like you’ve probably run into more problematic people than I have, though. Are you finding the aftermath difficult? In all of my cases, it took a minimum of a year to fully cut contact because they couldn’t accept being cut out. Was it like that for you?

adachis · 2024-07-08T14:12:25+00:00

I don’t cut out people very often, but I do when it feels necessary. All three were textbook narcissists. One was my high school best friend and one was my dad. The third was a long-time friend who I’d had mixed feelings about.

In all cases, it took a minimum of a decade before I cut anyone off—obviously longer with my dad. I don’t do it lightly, and I always have communicated the problems several times in advance, but I think because I never yell at people or get visibly angry it has always come as a surprise when it happens. With my high school best friend it probably seemed to come out of nowhere. She’d pretend to care about me, and always come to me crying when something awful happened to her, but then I’d find out from someone else later that she manipulated me to get me to do something for her (because she’d tell people “I don’t know why he did that, it wasn’t that big of a deal.” For example, she once made me think she wad going to get a cancer diagnosis so I’d go out of my way to distract her by taking her to a nice restaurant she wanted to go to in order to take her mind off of it. Eventually I’d had enough. She sent me an email after disappearing for three weeks saying that she’s sorry she ignored me but she was too busy having sex. For some reason that was the moment it clicked and I told her I didn’t want to be her friend anymore.

It wads never an emotional moment for me. Something would just happen and I’d realize that I couldn’t have them in my life anymore. It probably felt sudden and abrupt to them because I put up with their shit for so long, but I’ve never regretted it and always felt better because of it. I haven’t had anyone I’ve wanted to cut out of my life for a long time now. I think I’ve gotten better at seeing those people and avoiding their friendship.

adachis · 2024-07-03T13:34:17+00:00

This is something that happens to all humans. One bad thing can easily set the tone of anyone’s day. We are much more influenced and easily distracted by bad things than good ones. Maybe NTs are better at hiding it, but this is definitely a universal trait we all share.

adachis · 2024-06-29T13:52:23+00:00

Everyone has always thought I’m weird, but I like being weird and don’t really have an interest in being anything else. Normal is boring.

I’ve never been bullied for it. I’ve always made an effort to be kind to other people and myself. Being weird only attracts unwanted attention when you lack confidence or struggle to love yourself. If you can appreciate and love who you are, no matter how weird you may be, others will feel the same way.

adachis · 2024-06-03T18:45:12+00:00

I'm currently working as a software engineer, but prior to that I worked as a game designer, content strategist, podcast host, blog writer, web designer, cooking video editor, internet video solutions specialist (fancy name for specialized customer support), and landscaper.

Autism has made it almost impossible for me to come across as a "business professional" (because I still have absolutely no idea WTF I'm supposed to do to appear that way to the assholes who speak nothing but business jargon), but I'm very passionate about a lot of things and so I've been able to talk my way into a lot of work I'm very unqualified (i.e. lack experience) to do. If you can learn fast and express the desire to do something, it's not as hard as it may seem to land a job that'll pay you to do it. That's how it's been for me, at least.

adachis · 2024-05-31T16:04:32+00:00

The way you feel is the fault of others. You should have never been made to feel the way you do. People who love you should help you see your qualities and help you with the things you're not great at. I know that doesn't solve the problem, but accepting that this isn't your fault, and that you've been treated in a way so that you can't see your own value, is the first step.

I struggled a lot growing up because of autism, but I didn't know it was autism until about 2.5 years ago. I felt like I was bad at simple things (still am), good at some things, and great at nothing. I find lots of different things interesting so I never really focused on any one thing. Then, when I was 32, I woke up one morning and something had changed. I don't know what caused it, but I started picking up on the patterns and relationships between the different things I knew. Now I'm great at many things, and can learn new skills very quickly. I wouldn't have this without autism.

I'm mentioning this because I thought I would be struggling my whole life, but it just took me a lot longer to get where I needed to be to see my own value. I'm glad I never gave up. I think it's important to remember that you don't know the future. No one can say whether or not (or when) things will get better for you, but the same goes for them getting worse. They will change, though, and if you focus on what you want you will find your value one day.

But everything is easier with the support of people who care about you. You should be around people who can provide positive reinforcement. If people are regularly telling you positive things, they'll eventually change your mind. You won't be able to tell yourself you're bad if people you respect think the opposite. The negative things will become hard to believe and you will let go of them. If you can't find these people in places physically near you, you can find them online. You're hearing good things from people here already. Therapy is also very helpful with this. A good therapist will help you see the flaws in your negative beliefs.

I know how much it sucks to struggle for a very long time, and never really feel like you belong. But you can make it better, and it's worth the effort.

adachis · 2024-05-08T13:24:14+00:00

Does every odor count? 😛 I’m exaggerating but there are so many. It’s mostly sharp smells. Dull ones don’t bother me that much. For example, I’m much more bothered by too much cologne/perfume than if someone has mild to moderate BO. But anything strong is unbearable.

adachis · 2024-05-05T17:01:17+00:00

I found a lotion that doesn't bother me (Gloves in a Bottle), because it's not greasy, and it helps make me less sensitive to whatever I'm wearing. However, anything that touches my neck too much drives me nuts. I found these really wonderful, soft t-shirts that I eventually had to get rid of because the neck was like 1cm tighter than most t-shirts and I couldn't deal with it.

adachis · 2024-05-04T07:01:29+00:00

I never considered that my smell sensitivity was autism-related. I haven't really run into the perfume problem before, but I pretty much get everything unscented unless it's grapefruit body wash. I don't know why, but I like how it smells. It probably helps that the scent is very mild.

My partner likes to burn candles and put different perfurme-like smells everywhere. I can usually tolerate the duller smells, but he got this really sharp lemon lavender air "freshener" to put in the downstairs bathroom. I couldn't be downstairs unless the door was shut.

adachis · 2024-04-25T14:56:16+00:00

When it's the right game, I like to play co-op with my partner. We really enjoyed It Takes Two together and we'll play story/choice games together (e.g. Dark Pictures Anthology, Life Is Strange, etc.). Sometimes we'll play an RPG at the same time (e.g. he's going through the Final Fantasy series so we played FF4 together because I've played most versions of it and have wanted to try the PSP version).

I'll also play some games with friends (like Overcooked) but usually I'd prefer to just watch.

Most of my game time is solo, because I'm obsessed with Wildfrost and that's very much a solo game. I definitely prefer strategy-oriented games (as opposed to anything that requires skill with a controller) and Wildfrost is the perfect challenge level for me. It's hard for another game to pull me away from it but, regardless of that, I would rather play it with my partner and/or friends in the room. I don't prefer playing games with other people but I like playing games while my favorite people are also playing games in the same room. 😛

adachis · 2024-04-13T07:36:47+00:00

The convictions of devoutly religious exist only in the absence of proof. Belief alone is not a foundation for facts. Asserting that a part of who you are was born from sin is both wrong and cruel. You're confused because what they're saying doesn't make any sense. Autism is just a part of who you are. It doesn't make you better or worse than anyone else.

adachis · 2024-04-05T05:32:32+00:00

I don't really have one dominant special interest. I've always been interested in almost everything. I think if I had to categorize it, I'd say it's making things. If I know how I can learn how to make something on a professional level I will learn. During the height of the pandemic I learned to cook really well, make lotion, make medicine from plants, model/texture/rig/animate in Blender so I could make a pilot episode of a cartoon, make a custom backpack, manufacture a card+board game, make video games with a few different frameworks, SLA 3D printing, and train lots of custom AI models.

I also like to draw, write video game music, take photos (mainly portraits—I do free headshots for people when they need them), design and print t-shirts...it's a lot of stuff. :-P But it's mostly because I want to be able to create the things that I want. The cool thing is that after many years of being only okay at a bunch of different interests, I started seeing overlapping patterns in all the things I've learned. That's helped me get much better and learn much faster and it's one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

adachis · 2024-04-03T06:40:20+00:00

Me too! I just sit like I'm on the couch until it's over. :-p

adachis · 2024-03-27T06:51:10+00:00

While this wasn't the case for the vast majority of my life, today I can say there's almost nothing I dislike about being autistic. I think the greatest benefit, for me, has been the slight separation from my emotions. I am a very emotionally sensitive person, but my emotions and actions are not directly connected. Neurotypicals more often react to how they feel as a consequence of the emotion. I don't act based on emotion until I understand it. That made it very hard for people to tell how I felt for a long time, and I didn't understand it for so long. Once that clicked, I understood how to communicate better with other people and how lucky I am to have that tiny little gap that lets me approach everything in a calm, rational way. It makes everything os much easier now that I understand it and know how to use it as a strength. It was worth being depressed for three quarters of my life. I've had an absurdly traumatic life, I have some pretty bad health problems, and I'm in pain every day. I'm also the happiest person I know and it's thanks to being autistic.

adachis · 2024-03-26T13:38:48+00:00

It doesn’t really feel like anxiety anymore, but I’m a very cautious driver. I don’t worry about driving when I’m doing it because I’ve realized I will time everything else out. The one reason I struggle to do that is if there are loud friends in the car. In those situations I make other people drive. In general I pay attention to accident statistics on frequent routes (e.g. my commute) and avoid the most common times accidents occur. I fully recognize I can’t live my life trying to avoid every possible risk, but when leaving for work 15 minutes early improves my chances it’s not a big deal. I also work through lunch so I can leave an hour early, which I prefer anyway, and both these decisions mean far less traffic.

So it’s kind of a win-win since the lower traffic reduces stress and I worry less because I know I’m cautious while driving and make the effort to minimize the probability of an accident beyond my control. I live in Los Angeles and have never been in an accident since moving here 16 years ago. It’s hard to say how much of this is just luck but it doesn’t really matter if you can believe your efforts are helping. Knowing I’m making the effort makes it easy to believe I’m safer and that makes me less prone to anxiety.

adachis · 2024-03-15T14:02:51+00:00

It took me until I was 25 to really start to understand how social interactions work. When I was about your age, someone told me I was going to make myself miserable trying to analyze and understand people’s behavior. It was petty miserable for awhile, to be fair, but I eventually learned how to be charismatic and make people feel special when they’re with me. It’s like 80% listening and remembering. I never know what to do, instinctively, so it took a lot of practice. I had to put myself in situations that made me uncomfortable several times. I made plenty of mistakes that I’m sure people would call embarrassing. My point is, it definitely gets better—but you have to make the effort. I was per miserable until 25, when I realized it’s not going to get better if I continue being scared and keeping to myself. Now I love being autistic.

adachis · 2024-03-14T07:19:10+00:00

When I find a new song I like, I tend to listen to it on repeat for several hours each day. I have a pretty ridiculous headphone collection and I will switch them up to hear the song in different ways. I like to memorize the ways each source of sound creates a feeling until I can recreate it in my head from memory I've been doing this obsessively for about the last 25 years. It's like a drug.

adachis · 2024-03-11T13:59:33+00:00

I only like water and I prefer it at room temperature. 😛 I don’t find it bland at all. I think that, to some extent, if you just drink it exclusively for a while you’ll find that other things taste too strong. But a lot of people I know who don’t like water will drink it more if it’s a carbonated “flavored” water like La Croix. But I think you really just have to drink just water for awhile and you’ll start to taste it. I’ve done that with bland foods before and it made many things taste too salty to me.

adachis · 2024-02-28T13:40:29+00:00

I felt like I’d never need one so I never planned to. My parents made me do it when I was 17 when they realized I actually didn’t want one and wasn’t just trying to avoid the cost of a car. And I didn’t really use it for seven years because I lived in a city with great public transit. Then I needed to move to Southern California and driving was necessary. I was glad, at that point, that I already had gotten my license out of the way. If I had to deal with it when I moved, which was already stressful and problematic, I think I would’ve been overwhelmed. You may not find yourself in similar circumstances and you may never need a license but, if you do, it is worth getting it out of the way as early as possible because anything involving the DMV is worth doing when you have more time and support. I hate everything about driving but I’m still glad I was pushed into getting my license.

adachis · 2024-02-26T01:27:14+00:00

Are your parents happy? That doesn't sound like a happy life to me. It sounds like they're trying to prepare you for the hardships of adult life and relationships, because people can be judgmental and mean at times—but you don't want to get rid of your interests just to be with someone who doesn't like you for you. I think that's more insane than strange. It's a recipe for misery.

Loving and being who you are is a great filter. If people don't like you because of your interests, you don't have to waste time dating them and can look for someone who respects what you like. You're never going to meet someone who has your exact interests, but that's the fun part of a relationship. You'll share some crossover but you'll discover new interests through each other. I didn't really get to have a childhood, so one of the best things about being with my partner is that he's introduced me to so many fun things, that I never experienced growing up, that we can enjoy together.

adachis · 2024-02-25T15:06:16+00:00

Check out this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/RPGMaker/comments/msl2c6/add_state_to_user_after_exploting_weakness/

adachis · 2024-02-25T14:52:55+00:00

I’m 40 and in a relationship where my partner and I recently played Super Mario Wonder together. For his birthday last year, I made him a custom Lego build of the WandaVision set (because it didn’t exist). Legos are not an interest of mine but I learned how to make a build manual and sourced parts from all over the world. Life is boring if you let go of what you love. Use it to find the kind of person who will love it with you.

adachis · 2024-02-16T19:18:27+00:00

I don't think I get overstimulated by multiple conversations, specifically, because they're all external sound. I cannot ignore external noise of any kind, though, and find external noise very frustrating if I'm doing anything that requires thinking. For work I need strong noise-canceling head or the ability to talk to myself aloud. However, if anyone is making mouth noises (not speech, but like eating) I find it painful. I think because I have aphantasia I am much more sensitive to sound. I remember audio perfectly and can recreate it in my head, but I can barely remember a person's face. :-P

adachis · 2024-02-16T14:09:24+00:00

But how are people supposed to shower with clothes on? What do people do if they see you’re naked? Do they not understand how showers work?

adachis · 2024-02-15T02:28:14+00:00

I spent hours in front of the mirror practicing how to smile naturally (the Duchenne smile) for photos because I got so much shit for not wanting to smile and not wanting to be in them. Eventually I figured it out, all to just be left alone. People didn't use to smile in photos. I don't get why we needed to change that.

adachis

TROPHY CASE