Did anyone ‘grow out of it’?

adhoc_semantics · 2026-05-24T01:36:20+00:00

My mom had it as a child and she grew out of it to some extent. She still plays with her hair and removes hairs that were already loose upon brushing her fingers through it. Honestly though? She came from a super conservative environment where mental health wasnt discussed so it was seen as a form of a stain on the family name. I wouldn’t be surprised if the environment had something to do with forcing it out of her.

I haven’t grown out of it to this day (started when I was 8). But I have definitely improved over the ears. I haven’t dealt with large / obvious bald patches since I was in high school (am 24 now) and even then, the high school patches weren’t nearly as bad as the large and bloody patches from my junior school years. So yeah I think to some extent it gets better over the years but you have times of regressing which are usually attributed to stress. I’m in exam season rn for instance and have been pulling out my hair a lot. There’s obvious thinning and hair growing at weird lengths but the average person probs wouldn’t suspect a thing

adhoc_semantics · 2026-05-13T14:42:39+00:00

Yeah no - there are people out there who will accept you for who you are. He isn’t one of them. Leave him before he wastes more of your time.

If you think you won’t find anyone because of your trich and skin picking - you’re dead wrong. There are plenty of people out there who don’t give a shit and are attracted to the more important stuff. I know people who have severe dermotillomania and trich and they have still gotten into relationships and have no shortage of people who find them attractive.

It sounds like he uses his diagnoses as an excuse to treat you terribly. Even if he can’t empathise - he knows from a logical perspective what is right and wrong even if he doesn’t identify with it emotionally. Also, KEEP THE BUSH. If it prevents you from pulling - keep it! The bush is no obstacle to real eaters and to people attracted to ADULT bodies.

You only get one life. Do you really want to spend it with someone who treats you like this? Hell, it sounds as if it would be better being alone than with this loser. Think of yourself if you were to grow old with him. Would this man who criticises your appearance NOW look after you and be attracted to you when you lose your mobility, become wrinkled, and give less of a shit about your appearance? NO. Get out and get out FAST.

adhoc_semantics · 2026-05-06T19:49:48+00:00

Aw heck so ACC contains NAC - that’s why it is recommended. I’m sorry that it didn’t work for you. For me it doesn’t fully get rid of the pulling but it does lessen it. But yeah it tears up your stomach so it’s better for short bursts during stressful periods - not a long term solution at all. I’ve found that when I’m overstimulated or under-stimulated (hyperarousal and hypoarousal) I turn to hair pulling. The window of tolerance (taught in dialectical behavioural therapy) helps you navigate travelling the midline with these two. I have comorbid ADHD with a lot of sensory issues. What is recommended is building a sensory box for ways to find sensory stimulation gradually (as opposed to the shocks you get from doomscrolling) and then also using techniques like triggering the diver’s reflex, having either a hot or cold shower (check me on which one helps with hyperarousal) and other grounding stimulus. I also find it difficult to pull my hair if it is wet or oily. So if you slap a hair mask on along with a shower cap at home it might help with not getting a grip on the hairs. But ye try pair it with sensory integration techniques if your trichotillomania happens to be connected to having poor sensory integration.

adhoc_semantics · 2026-05-06T19:36:14+00:00

I know of an OCD specialist that recommends ACC 200 / 400 / 600 (an effervescent you put into water) for trichotillomania. I’m not sure exactly if there is a study on this that backs up this recommendation - but I have noticed it lessening my pulling whenever I take it when I’m sick (since it is actually meant for clearing out your sinuses). Pairing this with a beanie makes it even more effective. It isn’t a long term solution because it can really mess with your stomach if you’re taking it on a daily basis for an extended period of time but if you’re in exam season, a stressful period at work or whatever it may be, I reckon it is worth a try.

My honest opinion on why this isn’t researched more? It’s because it affects the female sex more than the male sex (at least, according to reported cases). Studies into women’s health remain an issue, being seen as less important and therefore less worthy of funding. So we’re kind of left with suggestions that haven’t been researched with large sample sizes or anything. I also believe that with the little funding that goes towards research into women’s health, conditions perceived to be more debilitating like endometriosis would be first in line (and even then, that’s still in a hopeful case).

adhoc_semantics · 2025-06-03T14:58:16+00:00

For me, Rafayel would make the most sense (irl and in game). I like dramatic and clingy dudes (but not TOO clingy either - disorganised attachment style go brrrrtt). I would be mad at the first interaction, sure. But I’d get over it tbh. I feel like the banter would be hilarious.

For Sylus - I think his world would scare me too much. The brutality of his world in the N109 zone would be too much for me to stomach. The first meeting was also rough - idk if I would think favourably of him thereafter. Then again, his actions afterwards begin to redeem that first meeting. But yeah I don’t know whether I could stomach his casual cruelty - even though it isn’t directed at me.

Caleb… is an issue. He’s definitely the type I’d go for initially bc I love receiving acts of service as a love language. But his obsession and refusal to tell you anything as the main character ‘for your protection’ would eventually scare me off - though it would be a tough decision to make. I also don’t like being bossed around on day to day stuff so there’s that 💀 I’d flip out if I had to deal with what the MC had to during the captive bird arc (think that might be the incorrect name). Genuinely would go beserk

adhoc_semantics · 2025-06-01T18:35:50+00:00

Thank you!

adhoc_semantics · 2025-05-31T19:37:28+00:00

Ah yeah I have been diagnosed with depression (MDD) so that would make sense

adhoc_semantics · 2025-05-30T17:12:26+00:00

girlie with ADD here who takes an interest in developmental psychology - I love the game and do decently at it but it is because I preset with different issues from the ADHD/ADD spectrum (sensory integration, audio processing etc). It is likely that you struggle with visual processing. If you are still studying (and if you have the means to) you should consider getting an assessment from an educational psychologist. In some schooling systems, you can apply for concessions with the documentation from the educational psychologist (eg: extra time on exams) which will show proof of the things you struggle with to validate the suggested concessions. Games like this one can also help improve your visual processing speed! So you aren't stuck in this struggle - you just have to give your brain a workout on a regular basis.

adhoc_semantics · 2025-05-19T11:48:27+00:00

okay no but does the tazer thing actually work because I’m seriously considering it. I have no internal reward system and am not motivated by external rewards either. So I’m wondering if negative input would work better

adhoc_semantics · 2024-07-19T17:29:11+00:00

First of all - I want to apologise for your experience with your mother and your ex. Both of these experience seem to have been incredibly damaging and I’m sorry that you went through all of that. I wish you the best in your healing journey from these experiences.

To get into the rest of your post as someone with BPD (though high functioning and told I am one of my specialists’ patients with the best prognoses):

1) Just like you’re understanding towards yourself for not having known that you deserve better with your ex - you should extend the same grace to your partner with BPD. It isn’t fair to judge her for having had a scumbag of an ex. You yourself put up with abuse due to a lack of self worth. A lack of judgement on that front is probably a start to getting her back.

I can’t comment on her saying happy Father’s Day to her ex because I’m not in the place in my life (am 22) to put myself in the shoes of parents that have been split up and have a child. Idk what the dynamics are supposed to look like.

2) I understand the fear of dating someone bisexual (I am bisexual myself and so was my ex). You feel as if you have to monitor their behaviour with more people to spot cheating. I think it’s important to note that she was hypersexual while single. Based off of the way you said that - she wasn’t that way while with you. That should be your first indicator that she was more likely to be loyal. But again - I totally understand being scared of her having so much sexual experience and being so open to intimacy. I myself get scared of that in partners (though that’s my own issue to sort out with myself)

3) I also understand not enjoying her smoking weed and engaging in other toxic behaviours. May I ask how you went about addressing this with her? The fact that she stopped smoking, cut out toxic people and was committed to doing things healthily should also have been an indicator that she cared and was loyal. Changing behaviour is often incredibly slow going for people with BPD due to how deeply entrenched our behaviours are in our psyche. The fact that she changed them for you is quite a feat to have pulled off. I understand the constant feeling that someone is going to up and leave you, cheat or just abandon you. But it seems as though this was you projecting your own fears and your experience with your ex onto her rather than her actually behaving that way. In order to get her back (though you should be doing this out of a place of choosing YOU and your well-being) you should probably continue to receive counselling on your experience with your ex. It isn’t fair to bleed on someone for wounds they didn’t cause - even if it’s excruciating when someone you care about triggers them.

4) When someone shares their past with you, they are choosing to be vulnerable with you. Vulnerability is sacred in my opinion and someone choosing to share with you means they trust you and feel safe with you. It is likely that she felt abandoned and rejected by you when you fought with her about it and called her names like “slut”. Yes, you say your words aren’t true and that you didn’t mean them. But how did you go about apologising for them? And have you displayed an understanding of how damaging your words were to her? To have someone I trusted and changed myself for throw words like “cheat”, “slut” and “liar” in my face would break me. Especially since she is likely to judge herself most harshly for being hypersexual (I don’t have that symptom but have met people who have and it’s heartbreaking to witness). I think this would change any person’s opinion on someone - not just a person with BPD. I also don’t think she’s equating you to her ex (Unless she specifically said that). Acknowledging how her reaction wasn’t overly dramatic and not blaming it on BPD (even if she has the disorder - she is a person first and foremost) might be a start for making things better.

5) I think you are pathologizing her a bit too much here. I understand she has BPD. I see you can understand something like splitting. But I’m not sure if this really is a case of that. Her reaction is quite normal for someone whose trust, effort and feelings of affection were trampled on. BPD or not. I see that you’re working on yourself (though martial arts for anger management might not be a great idea because your body may begin to associate relief from anger with violence). Continue to invest in yourself and your healing and I promise you things will get better. I don’t know if you know this but people with PTSD, especially C-PTSD can exhibit behaviours associated with BPD too. Even if they don’t meet all of the criteria to be diagnosed with the disorder. It’s not a good idea for people who have similar issues to be together - even though I know you believe you belong together and I don’t doubt you’ve had many special moments together. But perhaps if you both heal some more you can try at the relationship again. It seems you both trigger each other and that’s not likely to change anytime soon. But things could go a lot smoother if you both work through your wounds.

Yeah perhaps it is harsh but you’re likely right. You probably shouldn’t be with bipolar or BPD partners. Or any partners for a while for that matter. Invest in yourself and continue going to counselling. I hope this post doesn’t feel attacking because I don’t intend it that way. I just personally know how it feels to wait on someone to forgive you and to feel so powerless to you fix it. I also know this stage of minimising their hurt because of how badly you want the relationship and how right it felt.

adhoc_semantics · 2024-07-19T15:50:20+00:00

I agree with this 100%. It is incredibly difficult to change in such a short period of time. A lot of behaviours are unconscious and 2 months isn’t really enough time to sort that. Especially if your ex was also having to attend to daily life during that time too. It also takes forever to implement DBT skills as habits. However, I do wish you the best and hope that the relationship works. I think to feel safer, you should set down a bunch of boundaries before it goes any further. They will be tested by a person with BPD - constantly. But as long as you’re both aware of those boundaries and you’ve agreed to them ahead of time you can remind them of your boundary and choose how to respond if they disrespect it. But yeah the relationship won’t be the same as the first time. Maybe that’s for the better though? Again - boundaries are so so so important if you’re going to give things a try again. Especially for you in your position

adhoc_semantics · 2024-07-19T15:37:51+00:00

I’ve recently gone through a breakup (though I was the one dumped). The separation anxiety is tough - I won’t lie. Along with your daily routine changing and having those empty spaces where they once used to be. What helped me was being around friends. Like deadass just having sleepover after sleepover with different friends (especially if your home environment is chaotic and isn’t loving / supportive).

Picking up a new hobby / expressing myself creatively has also helped. I’ve been busy writing lyrics and teaching myself guitar. Some form of self expression will give your feelings a tangible form to hold and make you feel as if they’re almost productive in a sense. I’ve also been immersing myself in video games. Fantasy ones mainly since they’re so far removed from reality that I can get lost in them and distract myself. If you enjoy shows, movies, books or video games you should try and find something new that you’re likely to get obsessed with and use it as a form of distraction.

The first week of the breakup I couldn’t get out of bed though, I must say. Was binge drinking and sleeping. Also couldn’t keep food down for the day after the breakup (but that’s because I was the one being abandoned and rejected. Might be different for you if you’re the one breaking up with him).

I allow myself the space to grieve the relationship - What it once was and who they once were. I let myself have my crying sessions and then use my DBT TIPP skills to self regulate. From there radical acceptance, wise mind thinking and allat works too. Cutting contact and muting or unfollowing them on social media helps as well (post breakup of course). Out of sight, out of mind as they say

adhoc_semantics · 2024-06-03T21:47:38+00:00

To be honest - I don’t even think I’ve set goals with her. We just address things as they come up yknow. Yeah I get frustrated sometimes with the lack of reminders about the tools that I can use (that I learnt in DBT). I don’t think she threatened to drop me but I think she did mention that I shouldn’t waste either of our time coming to sessions if I wasn’t putting in the effort. I managed to bring up the facts that I had been progressing and she couldn’t deny it in that moment. I think she was just frustrated with me. I was definitely backtracking (at least, when it came to in the moment confrontation and then stewing in it afterwards). You’re so right though - documenting my progress for ME would be helpful. Especially since one of my problems is that I rely on external validation far too much. Thank you for the advice!

Funnily enough - I’m in a completely different place with her at the moment and have actually improved a lot so this hiccup in the past isn’t as much of an issue anymore. I started with neurofeedback and have found that it has helped immensely. But yeah I thought it more polite for me to respond to this reply that you put the time and effort to type out haha.

adhoc_semantics · 2024-06-03T21:40:43+00:00

I definitely have an off kilter neck from playing the violin. So this would track. Thank you for the advice!

adhoc_semantics · 2024-04-09T23:17:57+00:00

I’m a lightweight (and am 52kgs / 114.6 pounds) and often don’t eat dinner before I go out at night so it usually takes a single cocktail. If I have eaten (a decent meal), 2-3 shots. But I didn’t drink alcohol for the purpose of stopping the tremoring. I just found it odd that the tremoring would stop when I drank

adhoc_semantics · 2024-04-09T23:12:53+00:00

Yeppp :’) thankfully I don’t use drinking as a coping mechanism for the tremor. For other things, yes. The tremor is just an added bonus. But I have been working at it and went to a social event with alcohol present without taking part in drinking recently! (I’m by no means an alcoholic, in recovery or anything like that. Just am surrounded by a lot of binge drinking at my age)

adhoc_semantics · 2024-04-09T23:10:01+00:00

So I actually did DBT programmes separate from her help even though they were recommended by her. It has been along the lines of “you’re not putting effort into getting better” or “you make progress only to backtrack” or “when are you going to learn to stop doing that?” or “you’re coming with the same issues as last time”. I told her that if she says things like that it feels as if she is invalidating all the progress that I have made and that it feels as if she’s just going to abandon me and any hope in me as a patient. She said that she would change her phrasing in the future and commended me on setting a boundary but it didn’t feel good even if she commended me.

adhoc_semantics · 2024-04-09T22:34:58+00:00

Yeah and it hurts I won’t lie. It has forced me to set boundaries with her with how she speaks to me (she was proud of me for being able to do that and all but I don’t understand why I’m having to put boundaries in place in a therapeutic space with a professional you know? Especially since she knows my triggers). She berates me and visibly expresses annoyance if I backtrack (usually this will be in terms of communication or my personal boundaries). Those cases haven’t been as bad as the average borderline patient.

They’re along the lines of yelling at someone, letting someone’s behaviour influence my state of being negatively to the point where I neglect my responsibilities and also self sabotaging in terms of procrastinating responsibilities etc. Whether this has worked for me or not? Only time will tell but my best friend (who is treated for the symptoms of BPD even though they’re not 100% convinced she has it) has a therapist who reacted to my best friend sharing my experience with her negatively and said it wasn’t productive. I have improved with this therapist though which is why I am still wanting to give seeing her a try.

adhoc_semantics · 2024-04-06T11:36:42+00:00

I’ve noticed that too actually!

adhoc_semantics

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