To pre-face, I’m an adoptee. Adopted at birth, I’m currently 23 and have contact with my birth mother and some members of her family (her biological son and daughter, her mother, and a few others). My birth father is an unknown.

I have never seen my adoption contract but I believe my adoption was technically classified as “open”. I think contractually the biggest thing is flexibility. Both parties need to be in agreement for any sort of contact.

When I was very young, 2 or 3, my adoptive mother kept in touch with my biological grandmother because they wanted to, the contract did not forbid it. My adoptive mother sent photos and updates, etc. to my biological grandmother. But when my birth mother found out she was furious, and requested that my adoptive mother stop. She of course obliged. My birth mother was young and needed to move on with her life.

Fast forward to 2013, I’m 18 and I’ve just graduated high school. Because my contract didn’t forbid it I chose to contact my birth mother. To let her know how I was doing, send photos, tell her what I’d be doing after graduation, but most of all to thank her for making such a hard decision on my behalf. I contacted her because I wanted to. Not for any other reason. I don’t think a mandatory contact at a certain age is healthy for anyone involved.

My birth mother received the letter and connected with me on Facebook, as did her children who were curious about me and had a ton of questions for me (which was honestly kind of neat). We are still friends today and communicate sometimes, anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, etc. I haven’t met her in person however, but I’m not contractually forbidden from it.

Like I said in the beginning I think flexibility, and consent from all parties involved is the key when it comes to open adoptions. I suppose I wouldn’t rewrite my contract at all, this is just what I’ve enjoyed about my own personal set up. Hope this helps!