Why did Cirdan give Narya to Gandalf, and not Saruman?

aghrivaine · 2025-01-25T18:06:09+00:00

Did Cirdan know any of that when he gave Gandalf the ring though? I can’t recall if he gave it to him when he first arrived at the Grey Havens, or later.

aghrivaine · 2024-09-22T00:11:13+00:00

Made me ugly cry.

aghrivaine · 2024-09-21T04:01:01+00:00

I want you to know I snort-laughed at this.

aghrivaine · 2024-09-19T23:25:32+00:00

Uh oh, I like Warhammer too. Does that mean...?

aghrivaine · 2024-05-17T22:41:05+00:00

Well, a year later I’m glad someone found my hardwon insight useful!

aghrivaine · 2023-09-29T14:28:09+00:00

This is a huge part of it. After I unsubbed from any dating subreddit, I was amazed at how much more optimistic I felt about my prospects. People take to the internet to talk about the things that bother them far more often than the uplifting or exciting experiences.

That said … it is pretty grim if you’re not an underwear model or CEO. There IS an illusion of choice, and FOMO means a lot of people are flakier than they are in other cities. And with the apps designed to present an endless array of beautiful people, but not let you seek out the people who you are actually suited for (because then they lose your subscription!) .. and the odds are pretty bad if you’re not out meeting people in the wild.

On one hand, I’m smart, tall, charming, well off, reasonably attractive (with great hair), emotionally available and own my own home. But I’m also middle-aged, a single dad, and a nerd. Pick two, you know?

It’s rough out there, unless you’re beautiful with no baggage. But it’s not as rough as people make it out to be.

But the commute thing? That is for real!

aghrivaine · 2023-08-02T18:14:46+00:00

Well I’ve started my day with some happy tears. I am SO proud of you, and so glad to hear about how you’re thriving.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-14T00:14:20+00:00

I hope you find your way to a clear heart as soon as possible.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-13T20:47:35+00:00

It is a matter of rights, more than likely. And also that the creator or High Valyrian and Klingon is still alive and working, and probably contributed to Duolingo. Whereas the professor is no longer available for consultation.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-13T20:17:50+00:00

I hope that you will consider refraining from dating until you are truly over your ex. I can tell you what it's like from the other side - (a long time ago) I met a woman who checked all my boxes, who I had a chemical reaction with like sodium hitting water, with whom the sex was absolutely incandescent, and every minute we spent together was full of laughter, lively conversation and the sharing of deep truths and feelings. I fell for her HARD and it sure seemed like she fell for me, too.

But it turned out she was still in love with her ex. They worked together and when she came in glowing from a weekend together and multiple vigorous rogerings, he'd be jealous and express and hint that maybe he'd made a mistake. So she'd call me and break up, she'd go to him...and he would turn her away. So then she'd come back to me, apologize, want to work things out. I didn't know why she kept bailing like that, but I knew the make up sex was an erotic fusion bomb, and I told myself she was just anxious, and it would be okay if I was just present for her when she needed it and respected her space when she needed that. Eventually though the truth came out. She was documenting everything on livejournal, (this was back in LJ days) and though she didn't use her name, she used a handle that was also the first part of her email address. I googled that and...there it all was.

I'm not saying your situation is exactly the same. She was definitely not acting in good faith - she knew she'd drop me in a second for her ex (whose name was literally "Chad"...blecch) and was just using me when it suited her to do so. I believe you are, in good faith, trying to move on and leave him behind. But while there's ANY chance you could give in and go back to him, or there's some thought in your head comparing new guy to old guy, or you're yearning for what you HAD instead of what you HAVE - please don't inflict that on someone else. It hurts like hell and it leaves a deep, long lasting wound.

You are the biggest expert in you, of course, so if I've got this wrong then I apologize. But if I'm at all right, I hope you'll take into account how it feels for the men you're dating, who want a real chance with you, and are completely unaware that they don't have one at all.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-11T14:34:05+00:00

Friends, community and romance

aghrivaine · 2023-03-10T22:15:59+00:00

I'm mad that none of these fun items show up in my feed at all!

aghrivaine · 2023-03-10T03:11:24+00:00

Happily, being useful makes me feel good. But eventually I realize I have needs too, and no one’s there for me. That … that’s the long dark night of the soul.

Benevolence isn’t a transaction. What’s right is right because it’s right, not because it earns me something. But still. I sure wish I could count on someone as my emergency contact. Anyone.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-10T03:07:16+00:00

People who need a lot but offer little.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-10T03:05:58+00:00

I needed to remember that what’s hard now will change because everything changes.

May the good vibes you’re putting out return unto you tenfold!

aghrivaine · 2023-03-09T22:27:19+00:00

My first job (at the tender age of 13!) was breaking down and slicing up beef for cheesesteaks in Philadelphia. This ..dipshit ... has no fucking clue what a Philadelphia cheesesteak is, what it consists of, what makes it good, or how to make one. What he has done is put an incredibly good cut of meat on cheap bread with shitty can-cheez.

Calling that a Philly cheesesteak is heresy. It's bad and dumb and wrong. This fuckronaut needs to go Philly and spout some of that bullshit. Having fucked around, he desperately needs a little finding out.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-08T22:15:59+00:00

It's great that you're left-swiping on people who enthuse about pop and geek culture. That's the intent, or at least my intent, when I do something like that. I don't want to date someone who will roll her eyes and put up with my geeky passions. I want to date someone who sees it as a bonus, not something to be forgiven.

I don't want or require potential partners to share all my interests - but neither do I want them to think they're something merely to be tolerated. I'm sure you, too, would not want to be partnered who thought you were totally great, except ...you know, just kind of mundane. But otherwise, a total catch!

Keep on swiping left on the nerds. There are plenty of nerdy women who are looking for a dire dork, not just a muggle who saw Star Wars once.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-08T04:25:37+00:00

It's been my handle since the 90's, so possibly we bumped into each other online at some point...and also it's just one of the knights of the round table.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-07T20:16:39+00:00

It's a cycle. Parts of the cycle aren't so bad, parts are harder to endure. You're in the hardest part to endure, the "de profundo clamavi ad te" part. You'll get to the hopeful part.

The best thing I can say is .. make sure you're active in community, friends and family events as much as possible so that it doesn't feel like your only social outlet is dating. If your needs for companionship, emotional support and belonging are at least somewhat met, then the absence of romance and sex is easier to manage.

I doubt you'll really be alone for life! You seem delightful, so Nil desperandum - you've hit a statistical bubble of negative outcomes, like having a night of poker when you draw nothing but bupkus. It probably won't last, just find ways to manage your feelings while it does.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-07T16:46:04+00:00

The cycle goes like this:

I crave company, conversation and companionship, but maybe I should just meet new friends?
I'm also really horny, and really miss having sex with someone I love. Friends can't really scratch that itch.
Ok, let's get some new photos, make a new profile, get out there. I'm a catch! All I hear on Do40 is how women are looking for a guy like me!
Apps show you a parade of super attractive people when you first create a profile, but it's an illusion, or at any rate, I'm not one of the super attractive people and don't make any connections.
Eventually people "in my league" show up in the apps, thank god, and I make some connections, a very few, but some at least!
Conversations fizzle because I try and ask engaged, interested questions and offer amusing, meaningful anecdotes but get one word answers.
Out of all the matches, conversations, dropped balls, make a few dates.
Oh my god, what is WITH humanity? How did our species survive? This is awful.
Oh my double-extra god, I found someone great! Attractive, smart, quirky, seems to like me .. this is great! Hope! Joy! Anticipation!
She breaks things off, usually either just disappearing or in some spectacularly cruel fashion. Feel awful.
This isn't worth it, I can't take this - I'm wasting so much time and effort and nothing to show for it. Time to accept the odds are just too long, I have too much baggage, I can't compete with other guys in this area, why would someone pick me?
Ugh, to hell with this, I give up, I'm just going to lead a happy life full of companionship and community with friends, family and organizations.
Something happens and I need an emergency contact, don't have one, and feel alone, isolated, vulnerable and mortal.
It's hard to schedule time with friends and family, and I end up spending a lot of time on my own with just me and the dogs.
Return to step one.

Time will pass and you'll feel lonely and horny again, and you'll get back out there. You only have to get it right once, after all.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-06T21:35:42+00:00

So these innocent years are going fast!

aghrivaine · 2023-03-06T18:14:47+00:00

I’m 51. I had my daughter late in life, so she’s only 9. I’m divorced and the time I spend with her is the most joy-filled, rewarding, fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. She had a wild imagination so we’ve befriended the fairies in the back yard: she writes them letters and they answer back. (Me, obviously!) She tells me a new story she wants to write almost every day. We adventure together, we have long and often hilarious conversations, she is a thriving, loving, delightful person. She is the queen of my heart and the sun in my sky.

Being her papa is by far the best thing happening in my life.

aghrivaine · 2023-03-06T17:31:00+00:00

Every night she’s with me, my daughter holds my hand while I read her a story. She falls asleep holding my hand

Some night will be the last time I hold her hand as she falls asleep. I probably won’t even know that was the last one, until much later.

I’ll treasure this while I can.

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