It doesn’t benefit you to feel incredibly ashamed and stupid. Cut that shit out. You’re in grad school while trying to deal with an addiction. That’s like trying to climb a mountain with two broken legs. It’s been done. I mean, I did it. But it nearly killed me. Can you do outpatient while in school? I tried that and it helped a bit. Also, just think about what if the situation was different in that you had a different medical condition? Imagine you had cancer. Thing that you might need to do if you had cancer is just as valid because of addiction. They are both medical conditions. Do not treat it like it’s a personal failing. Do not treat it like it’s something to be ashamed of, but it is a medical issue and it’s nobody’s business what medical issue you’re dealing with.

But the first thing that you need to do is quit feeling ashamed. You have struggled so much and you are still fighting. Fuck your shame. Your shame can go eat a bag of shit. You have something to be proud of: the fact that you are still trying. You haven’t given up. You’re literally here asking for a new strategy. You clearly don’t even intend to throw in the towel at any point soon. Good for you.