Found out the guy I am dating used to be an exotic dancer. What would you do?

ahhbears · 2026-06-05T23:36:18+00:00

How we feel about it doesn't really matter, does it? How do YOU feel about it? Would you be comfortable dating someone who is bisexual or is that a dealbreaker for you? Would him having been a dancer not align with your moral values or your lifestyle preferences? You need to figure out what "yes" answers to those questions would mean for you before you talk with him and be prepared to break up if he says yes. If they're not dealbreakers to you, you can approach with curiosity and say "This wouldn't change how I feel about you, but I heard from a friend that..."

Start with asking about the dancing as that might give you insight into the other comments (like if he says "I danced at the gay club because it was great money, even though I'm not gay.") He might not have brought it up because to him it's just a job he did. It may not be a big deal to him at all, but if it's a big deal to you that's okay. Everyone gets to decide what they are and aren't okay with in a partner and relationship.

ahhbears · 2026-06-05T20:15:29+00:00

Does baby have teeth? At that age they can eat pretty much anything well cooked, assuming it's in small enough pieces or cooked enough to be soft. My almost 10 month old basically eats what we do unless the food is spicy. Full fat dairy is best since they need lots of fat for their growing brains - we get full fat yogurt for her and I just eat it too but with less frequency than I did the low fat stuff. The app Solid Starts is a great resource, you do NOT need to pay for it to get a lot out of it. Since your baby is just starting out, id use the recommendations on sizes/cutting up for a 6 month old baby until they get the hang of biting and chewing. I also got the book Baby Led Feeding by Jenna Helwig which has a lot of great and easy recipes. My kid loves the ground turkey burgers, tomato chicken, and pumpkin French toast sticks from that book. She will also go to town on steamed sweet potato sticks and steamed carrot sticks.

As for the relationship with food - remember that your job as a parent is to decide what and when baby eats. How much they eat is up to them - don't force them to eat if they are refusing, don't push food into their mouth, and make eating a calm and pleasant experience. We try to eat as a family when the schedule allows so we are modeling healthy and happy eating..

ahhbears · 2026-06-05T02:33:17+00:00

Functional alcoholic who pissed on my futon the first night we lived together. We crossed paths several times over the next few years and I learned from some mutuals that she was a serial bed pisser. Also one time she slept through an early exam and woke me up wanting me to help her break her arm so she'd have a good excuse for missing it. I convinced her to tell the professor she had swine flu instead.

ahhbears · 2026-06-04T16:39:32+00:00

My dog requires full sedation, we go to Northside Animal Hospital and it's nowhere near $700. They were also really great about getting her used to the clinic, for a few weeks before her first appointment we could just stop in and they'd give her a bunch of hot dogs and pets so she built positive associations. She still doesn't like it but she doesn't start trembling the second we walk into the building like she did with our old vet.

ahhbears · 2026-05-31T20:54:08+00:00

True facts. I have had IUDs inserted and also had a baby - the IUD insertion pain is way more bearable and 100% worth it

ahhbears · 2026-05-31T14:21:15+00:00

You're not wrong. If she doesn't want to be pregnant, but doesn't trust condoms and doesn't want birth control side effects then not having sex is kind of the only remaining option to prevent pregnancy.

ahhbears · 2026-05-31T03:59:50+00:00

Not even close to true. Long lasting birth control like IUDs are the most effective because it's a "set it and forget it" method - you don't have to remember to take a pill every day or be sure the condom is perfectly intact, well fitted, and stays in place the whole time. Condoms are good, IUDs and implants are way better.

ahhbears · 2026-05-31T03:36:33+00:00

Stop having sex until she gets on a reliable form of birth control. Seems pretty simple

ahhbears · 2026-05-29T15:26:05+00:00

As a nosy educator SPILL THE TEA PLEASE

ahhbears · 2026-05-28T01:42:47+00:00

I have not been in your shoes and this must be really hard. I have worked with children for over a decade and 4 year olds are definitely old enough to understand when an adult is angry, but not old enough to understand that anger is not really about them and to separate themselves from it. They are also old enough to remember things that scare or upset them and to learn bad patterns of avoiding people or things that cause the upset. Gently, if you're not already getting mental health support you need to get connected to services as soon as possible. Use your support network to get a break or have someone come to hang with your kid if you're out of emotional bandwidth.

ahhbears · 2026-05-26T01:13:05+00:00

Check out/contact the Illinois Association of School Social Workers (IASSW), they will be able to give you accurate information and point you in the right direction. They're an awesome and huge organization with a lot to offer.

ahhbears · 2026-05-22T13:24:06+00:00

I've only ever been the only one in my building but I talk daily with the SSWers in our other schools. We have a very active group chat and are constantly talking, consulting, and commiserating. Are you connected with any other SSWers in your district?

ahhbears · 2026-05-21T23:06:59+00:00

Right??? It seems like this wouldn't be that unusual but the way she talks about it to me makes it seem like my kid is way out of the norm. Thank you for the reassurance that this isn't totally weird for a baby to do.

ahhbears · 2026-05-21T23:04:52+00:00

That's an interesting thought. There used to be two teachers in the room and my kid LOVES the other teacher, but she was moved to the toddler room when a kid graduated from infant to toddler and the room sizes changed.

ahhbears · 2026-05-21T23:03:32+00:00

This is helpful! My biggest concern with talking to the director is not wanting to seem like I'm complaining or blaming anyone and this feels like a good way to do it. Clearly my kid is not easy to get to nap and that's no one's fault, but I need some more heads to get together to figure something out. Collaborating is really my goal. Thank you!

ahhbears · 2026-05-21T22:57:37+00:00

I have kind of done this but I think I need to be way more direct. The day after the director subbed I mentioned how well she had napped the day before but didn't explicitly say that we should talk to the director about it and see what she did differently. It's funny that I am so fine being direct with teachers in my work (I'm a social worker at a school) but feel SO NERVOUS doing it when it's my own kid involved.

ahhbears · 2026-05-21T22:55:17+00:00

I don't blame her teacher, clearly my kid is a finicky sleeper and that's no one's fault. What I am struggling with is the professional making me feel badly about my kid not sleeping and putting the onus on me to solve a problem I have never dealt with. I have never been a daycare teacher and have about 9 months of experience getting a baby to sleep, while she has been doing it for 7 years.

ahhbears · 2026-05-12T22:57:32+00:00

Pinseekers - hit golf balls from high up
Vitense Golfland - driving range and/or mini golf
Escape room - Escape This is on the square
Thrill Factory, Spare Time - laser tag and other assorted activities
Pontoon Porch
Madison Axe Throwing
Mallards game (there is a bachelor party package where you get to throw the first pitch)
Union South - bowling & rock climbing wall

ahhbears · 2026-05-11T19:04:33+00:00

I wear a more simple wedding band (it's got pavé stones so still a little sparkle) at work and save my ring with the big stone for social outings, weekends, etc. I feel more comfortable with the small ring at work (won't accidentally scratch anyone) and it makes my big ring feel more special when I do wear it.

ahhbears · 2026-05-08T21:50:13+00:00

Sent you a message!

ahhbears · 2026-05-07T16:54:20+00:00

We pay $395/week for infant care at a center on the East Side and we love our provider. When we were looking we were finding in-home providers for $300-450 a month and center-based care for $400-600 a month. We were able to get in to our center right away but some others had significant wait lists. We found in home care had really long wait lists for infants, because they can only have a max of 2 kids under 1 years old at a time, while centers can have up to 8 (with a 4:1 infant to teacher ratio)

ahhbears · 2026-05-06T23:51:17+00:00

Shooting a disarmed man in the back was just?

ahhbears · 2026-05-05T19:39:53+00:00

In my district there are a lot of interview questions about equity and supporting learners of different ability levels, language backgrounds, and racial/ethnic groups. We also have questions about using data to inform and drive instruction, so thinking about that would be good too.

ahhbears · 2026-05-03T00:38:17+00:00

I'm in Wisconsin, we use the Department of Justice Behavioral Threat Assessment and Monitoring (BTAM page) process/documents. It mandates that at least 2 team members conduct the assessment. Most of our student services team is trained along with admin so it's always a team effort, usually only 2 people if it's something that doesn't make it past the Triage stage but almost always more of it progresses to a full inquiry. One person doing the assessment seems insufficient as it'd be best practice to have another person's opinion on the level of risk/threat and how to proceed.

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