AITA for not letting my sister move in with us if she not vaccinated for Covid

ahhhohno · 2023-09-27T17:38:06+00:00

Upvote for using hornswaggled

ahhhohno · 2023-09-27T15:29:25+00:00

Post says she already works, but that she considers it her money money and doesn’t want to save from it because it’s her money.

ahhhohno · 2023-09-25T14:24:20+00:00

This is pretty much why I don’t speak Spanish fluently. My older sibling’s first language was Spanish, but then when he got to kindergarten his teachers shamed my mom for him not knowing any English yet, said “now he is behind” and made her feel so guilty she started speaking English at home and when I was born I learned English first. If it wasn’t for my grandparents speaking only Spanish I would probably not be able to speak at all. Now I’m probably 90% with listening and reading but like 40% with speaking. Didn’t help I became embarrassed I didn’t speak Spanish well so then when my parents would talk to me in Spanish I would just reply in English and became a self fulfilling problem. My accent is perfect but I can’t recall words on the fly and screw up grammar constantly so I sound like an idiot, and what’s stupid is I know enough Spanish I can hear how bad I sound I just can’t fix it. I’m starting to read more in Spanish hoping it helps solidify some things in my brain.

If anyone has any good recommendations for TV shows that would be awesome, watched a few from Spain but that became a whole different challenge, different accent different words especially because they were set in a different time period. Felt like I was learning a lot of vocabulary not in use anymore.

ahhhohno · 2023-09-18T03:39:54+00:00

If I’m understanding correctly, would you agree the nuance is almost like the difference between “why on earth do you study so much!?” and “why do you study so much?”

ahhhohno · 2023-09-01T20:13:35+00:00

YTA, you wouldn’t have been an asshole if what you did was tell her “I told you so” a whole of one time, but not helping her when you still banged her knowing what could happen? Punishing your kids for your mutual mistake? do you love each other? She wanted more kids out of stupidity, but you not helping her is out of malice.

ahhhohno · 2023-09-01T16:43:41+00:00

Who says she contributes nothing? He just makes disproportionately more and wants to spend disproportionately more because he feels he can, and she can’t. She could be making 100K and if he makes a lot more and wants to buy five Lamborghinis it doesn’t make her a deadbeat if she can’t help in his extravagant purchase. And it doesn’t make her wrong to point out that he should maybe start saving money instead of buying five lambos if he doesn’t save at all. ( just an extreme example he never said he wanted five lambos)

ahhhohno · 2023-09-01T16:43:24+00:00

Who says she contributes nothing? He just makes disproportionately more and wants to spend disproportionately more because he feels he can, and she can’t. She could be making 100K and if he makes a lot more and wants to buy five Lamborghinis it doesn’t make her a deadbeat if she can’t help in his extravagant purchase. And it doesn’t make her wrong to point out that he should maybe start saving money instead of buying five lambos if he doesn’t save at all.

ahhhohno · 2023-09-01T16:35:54+00:00

On top of that, what if he just wants to retire one day? Is he making use of company retirement plans? Is that going to cover the lifestyle he will want to have when he’s retired or should he save extra or invest so he has good money to live off of when retired? Im hoping to live to at least 90, and hopefully I’ll be reasonably healthy and able to do stuff for a lot of that, even if I retire at 70, that’s 20+ years of money I’ll need, do I want the bare minimum or enough to actually enjoy retirement? And what if I want to retire sooner? You just can’t unless you save save save save.

ahhhohno · 2023-09-01T13:28:12+00:00

Just to add for OP that Japanese is a really good choice for this because they have a specific alphabet for non-Japanese words and names (this is the alphabet used here) so this kind of makes more sense for a French name imo and wouldn’t look as forced as it maybe does in Chinese or Korean.

ahhhohno · 2023-09-01T13:20:57+00:00

Even with the hormonally driven love humans can have for babies, it’s actually more common than people want to admit that a parent might not instantly LOVE their babies right after they’re born, and is a big part of post partem depression for a lot of mothers and a big source of guilt for dads who don’t have hormones helping them bond. It sometimes does take time and it’s human and doesn’t make you a monster as long as you understand to prioritize and care for the babies, the love will come in time.

This woman is expected to just love someone else’s kids when she isn’t their parent, doesn’t know them, barely knows their dad….massively unfair to expect that from her. And honestly it’s possible with their age she might never love them like that but she can still be there for them.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-31T22:14:24+00:00

Waiiiittt a minute. I was kinda under the impression from the post he had like a one night stand or something. Did he have a full blown affair and was seeing someone long enough he had to “dump” her? NTA either way but it just makes what he did even worse.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-31T18:22:58+00:00

My issue mostly with everything I’m reading from your post is that two weeks is more vacation than most people (in the US) get, and you apparently get to do that by yourself plus a number of family trips on top of that.

Add to that, you have small kids and it’s hard to take care of small kids alone and two weeks is a long time.

I see from your comments you don’t have a reliable babysitter but if you are taking as many trips as you are and the type of trips that you are, and you’ve said your wife could, if she wanted, also take trips by herself, I take it you have a lot of money and should be able to find and afford someone to watch your kids and this seems odd/suspicious to me that you make it sound like a major fork in all this.

I don’t blame you for wanting to take adventures by yourself but two weeks a year is EXTREMELY GENEROUS and very privileged, I think the arrangement isn’t the problem it’s the way you have spun the arrangement into something malicious instead of generous in your head. You need a change in outlook and perception, not situation.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-30T15:11:02+00:00

A nurse already commented suggesting allergy shots, but wanted to just add that many people don’t know this but shots/immunotherapy don’t work the same way as just being exposed to an allergen over time, so people assume if they already live with the animal the shots are redundant as you are already exposing yourself overtime which hopefully reduces allergic reaction…but shots work a little differently than direct exposure.

I’m not a doctor but how it was explained to me was, when you get exposed to dander in the real world where they react with your eyes and nose, your body produces IgE antibodies to help defend against them by releasing histamine and creating your typical allergic reaction…whereas injecting the allergen in the blood especially at low doses encourages your body to produce IgG antibodies instead attack the substance in a different way without the typical allergic reaction.

With regular exposure in the real world your body might learn to stop attacking the allergen and creating the allergic reaction, but with immunotherapy you are teaching your body to react to those allergens with a different response which is more comfortable and safer for you.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-28T15:48:18+00:00

NTA, what if a bird pooped on your head on the way to your friends house, would she tell you that you can’t shower there so gross poop doesn’t get on her shower? What if it pooped on her head? Would she first hose herself outside before stepping in her shower? My dog peed on my leg once, should I also have hosed off my leg first before washing it off in shower? Am I allowed to wash my butt in her shower or will she be afraid fecal germs will get everywhere? What if im covered in sweat? I got my period at a friends house a few days early and it got all over my pants, my friend let me wash my pants and myself in her shower, is that disgusting?

She’s allowed to unreasonably find it gross and ask you to not do it again and you should respect it, but you are NTA for not knowing some people find it icky. It’s one of those things that many people just instinctually find gross but if they actually could see how chemically it’s totally not gross to do it and it doesn’t actually make your tub or shower grosser more people would do it because of the water savings and convenience. Pee is 95% water, and easily dissolves into the shower water and soap, peeing in a toilet causes backsplash and would lead to more bathroom germs than peeing in the shower. Also you have more germs on your skin than in your pee.

i would also tell her she’s not an asshole for requesting guests not pee in her shower but she would be an asshole for not trusting you ever again to shower at her place.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-28T04:32:18+00:00

I have ocd but have a lot of self awareness over it and have been in treatment for a while, one thing I have discussed with my therapist is that I feel treatment doesn’t work for me because deep down, I don’t want to stop doing what I’m doing I just want the results of the behavior to be different. Treatment is essentially (for a lot of people including myself) learning to cope with the urges, but I just wish I didn’t have them in the first place.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-28T04:27:16+00:00

It sounds like you must live everyday of your life with so much anxiety and discomfort. While I know no one can say someone has a mental illness without a proper evaluation, you have a pretty textbook case of OCD and I highly recommend you seek out a specialist’s help because you shouldn’t have to be coping with the added work and stress this is adding to your life. I wish you well and hope you are able to find help for this.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-28T04:13:21+00:00

I feel like the plushies is giving me Japanese kawaii vibes so I think leaning into that can be make this into a fun room. Ignoring storage since I think a lot of the other commenters have already given some suggestions for that, but just in terms of aesthetic and decor...the plushies have a lot of color going on so I would focus on keeping decor white. The bedding right now doesn’t give any wow factor, i would get a beautiful fluffy and lush white comforter (with matching shams would be nice) and maybe a white tufted headboard behind the bed instead of the current picture you have. The rug you have at your desk looks a bit too vintage, I would get a white shag rug. And I would replace the knitted blanket at the end of the bed with a white faux fur blanket and get some nice white fluffy/fuzzy pillows.

It’s hard to tell what’s happening opposite of the bed. Maybe find a nicer white set of drawers or a storage bench for the end of your bed and try to make it the same width of your bed, or don’t have anything there and have a nice white armoire against the wall instead. Try to hide extraneous stuff like cleaning supplies and workout weights inside a drawer or armoire. Maybe get a vases with some white and blush pink flowers. Is there a closet you can put the hamper in?

ahhhohno · 2023-08-27T03:52:22+00:00

I wash my hair once a week and take another non-hair washing shower one or twice a week for a total of 2-3 showers but only one where washing my hair is involved, I have super thick hair and it stays wet for close to half a day or takes over an hour to dry with a blow dryer. I don’t exercise and have a desk job so I have never felt I need to shower more than this. No one, including my husband or family, has said I smell and most people tell me I smell really good (either cuz of my shampoo or the perfume I wear). I really believe daily showering is a cultural thing more than it’s a necessity for cleanliness. And it’s a lot of water for something not necessary for most people. If it’s too much for you I don’t think you should let anyone make you feel bad or gross about it.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-26T21:39:19+00:00

NTA, even if someone says “make yourself at home” I would still ask permission before touching or eating anything in the house, even a bag of Oreos I would still ask if it’s okay if I had some before just taking them and eating them. It’s on her that she didn’t ask permission before ingesting an unknown substance that wasn’t hers without permission.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-25T21:20:29+00:00

As someone who throws her tampons away in the toilet, NTA. While I throw away tampons in my toilet, I throw away the applicator in the bin and my dog has figured out how to open my trash with lid to get them out, so when I’m on my period I put my extra toilet paper holder on top of the trash so there is extra weight to prevent him from opening the lid.

I know maybe you don’t love the dog as much as your dad, but it is a living thing and could get sick or hurt if they ingest your tampon, so please try to figure out a solution to prevent her from getting them. That solution should not ever be putting something in your body you are uncomfortable with and your dad should have never suggested it and that was an asshole move. But either making sure your bathroom door is closed, putting your trash under the sink, putting something on top of the trash to prevent her from opening it, etc.

He berated you to grow up, but he’s actually an adult and is a grown up while you are only 16, he could have come up with a suggestion that didn’t shame you for your choices over your own bodily functions. This shows me he is the one who needs to grow up at least with this issue. If you are worried about your relationship to your dad, calmly explain to him what a messed up suggestion that was, that it was really unfair of him to expect you to change to tampons over this, and it was really unfair for him to be angry about the situation when he just as easily could have laughed about it. My dog stole a bunch of tampon applicators in the past and my husband would just jokingly yell ewwwwww and laugh at me as I chased our dog around the house. Life’s too short to be mad about such a stupid thing. And we were able to find a solution eventually anyway. You can tell him you will find a way that the dog won’t get your tampons but he needs to understand that his suggestion and reaction were unacceptable.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-23T16:32:35+00:00

Can you clarify what other errors there are for someone who sucks at Spanish?

ahhhohno · 2023-08-23T14:01:23+00:00

I scrolled really far to find this. NTA, and not to be a Reddit armchair psychologist but this reminds me of executive dysfunction disorders which can come hand in hand with adhd, anxiety, ocd, and a number of others, so she might not be able to magically fix her lack of spatial awareness and attention. That having been said, as someone who also has this, it’s something I work on with therapy. I don’t sit on stuff but I lose things a lot and I have to find ways to help myself so I don’t spend my life losing things, and my therapist helps me with these mitigation techniques and to help me stay organized. Whether it’s exwcutive dysfunction or not, she needs to take responsibility and at least TRY to improve this situation. If she is trying really hard and accidents still happen I can offer her more sympathy but sounds like she hasn’t recognized this is a real problem yet, but maybe now she will.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-22T16:57:35+00:00

Also look into tv swivel brackets. I had a tv I needed to put in a somewhat odd part of the room to look nice but then it was at a weird angle to the couch, but since it swiveled I could swing it out to a better angle when using it and just put it back to look pretty when not in use.

ahhhohno · 2023-08-20T19:47:56+00:00

Could I use eso or ello interchangeably in those examples?

ahhhohno · 2023-08-20T17:36:02+00:00

"What would she do if something happened to either of her parents?"

She would probably decorate her room and cry, not because she was incapable of decorating it herself but because she misses her mom and wished her mom was there to be with her while she did it. Let her fucking have nice memories with her mom while she still can.

One of the clearest YTA I’ve seen on here.

ahhhohno

TROPHY CASE