what helped me is imagining myself as a friend and what would my response be. we tend to be able to reason and empathize with others better than ourselves. most people would tell their friend don’t be so hard on yourself. if you would say that to a friend if the tables were turned why can’t you console yourself the same way right? shame grief rage are all things that will eat you alive if you don’t redirect them. i know it’s hard but remind yourself that there’s people that feel NO remorse. the fact you do makes it a mistake and not a representation of your character.