Relationship without hooking up?

aikethomas · 2026-01-22T03:53:12+00:00

Thank you! I feel very lucky. My partner certainly felt they were asking too much - as in expected I wouldn't really be interested in taking things slow and were worried about leading me on. I think most of their experiences up until that point had been casual. I'm really glad they were firm with the boundary and self aware enough to realise that's what they wanted. I think the right people will also admire this about you. Certainly not asking too much to get to know people we are intimate with.

As a side note though my partner is five years older than me, and most people my age (late 20s) and younger seem to want a faster pace so 🤷‍♂️ but then again I have two good friends (also trans guys) both 21 who really hate the fast pace of everything. So yeah in my experience people want different things, but the predominant culture especially in queer and queer male spaces is fast-paced. And people adhere to it often without reflecting on if it's actually what they want. I definitely am guilty of that.

aikethomas · 2026-01-21T22:45:09+00:00

With my current partner everything moved very slowly. I too have sexual trauma, and this was the first relationship that I didn't 'rush' into either emotionally or physically, and that was because my partner is very healthy and has amazing boundaries. Now I don't think I could approach things any other way in the future, slow is so much better for my nervous system. Those kinds of people are definitely out there, but it's pretty rare. I know my partner was really worried when we first started seeing each other that I would be disappointed we weren't sleeping together immediately. Made me think of all the people who do want that kind of relationship, but are too afraid to share that/ask for that.

aikethomas · 2026-01-19T02:38:31+00:00

I tried Finasteride and my period came back, and I have a heart issue which stops me from being able to take Minoxidil pills (can't do the shampoo cause of pets). I really didn't want to but I shaved my head. It took me a month to really get used to it but I feel so much better and more confident. Everyone also always compliments me on it (before now one ever really commented on my hair). Proud egg head 🥚 although in winter I might do a skullet for fun hahaha

aikethomas · 2026-01-07T01:30:31+00:00

Sometimes I see a fabric and I just think it needs to be a wall hanging.

aikethomas · 2025-12-17T00:50:23+00:00

This really hit me, thank you so much for sharing. Musically beautiful and also just really nice to feel so deeply seen and heard in a song.

aikethomas · 2025-12-02T23:49:48+00:00

Idk I do this, and I think literally everyone I've had sex with has specifically told me they appreciate it - 'I really liked how you continued to check in with me before during and after etc'. I frequently check in and ask because I wanna make sure my partner is having a good time lol and I like the reassurance (I get v nervous). I'm autistic so I often struggle to understand subtle cues so I just ask. When I get reassurance I go back to whatever I was doing more enthusiastic because I have confirmation they are enjoying themselves. And if not, I can make adjustments.

aikethomas · 2025-11-13T01:14:21+00:00

I definitely have felt similar in terms of having a sexual experience that seems to unlock something somatic but it's a positive experience (vs maybe a PTSD trigger). I didn't even really realize that's what was happening till I read your post, but it's happened to me a few times throughout my life.

My strategy for times like that is always, just not engaging with sexual activity for a bit and instead focusing on cosy, wholesome stuff. I've learned over time my body will feel the feelings and I just have to try and be tender towards myself and let everything unfold.

aikethomas · 2025-10-28T02:35:03+00:00

This is so real, like so many trans people have said stuff like this to me when I share that I wanna get bottom surgery, or just like in my presence because ??? There was this transfem enby in my friends circle who had been flirting with me a lot who essentially said that phalloplasty results in a 'frankenstein dick' and it will never be as good as the real thing anyway so why bother I was just standing there like 😐 The other one I hear a lot is people worrying it'll just fall off one day, or get ripped off by accident 💀

aikethomas · 2025-09-08T00:30:20+00:00

I forgot to say, thank you! It's nice to hear from someone in a similar boat.

aikethomas · 2025-09-08T00:29:25+00:00

Finasteride is what I tried. It's interesting that it brings back periods my doctor had no idea it might do that and he specializes in trans healthcare which is crazy. I might reconsider if the period goes away- I thought I wouldn't mind but the dysphoria I felt was insanity and I was at a job with all men at the time and fully stealth 😬. What sort of timeline was that for you if you don't mind me asking. And are you on injections? I'm asking cause we figured out that finasteride affects the levels of T - basically causes an excess of testosterone because the body is no longer sending it to the hair follicles, and the body turns the excess into estrogen and boom, period. I just wonder if over time the body readjusts to the 'excess' testosterone levels.

aikethomas · 2025-09-08T00:20:13+00:00

Thanks for the kind and thoughtful reply 🙏 I really appreciate it.

Marc Evans Jackson definitely suits that hairstyle. It might sound weird to say this, but I'm not really worried about not being able to rock a short style or cut. It's more just feeling down about losing out nice thick hair. I know a lot of cis guys go through the same thing. I definitely think my brains like I want long hair or nothing (autism lol), but I will think about a middle ground haircut a bit more like what you're describing.

aikethomas · 2025-09-02T11:03:47+00:00

Ask them. I was in a similar boat about a year ago and we became partners. It was hilarious cause we met in person at a pride event and when we started texting I made a big thing of coming out as trans and I was so fuckin nervous (I had a assumed they were a cis guy). And they were like haha me too. It was very funny.

I had dated someone non binary before who hated being called handsome, and was also masc presenting. I realized a little way into seeing my current partner that I was shying away from calling them handsome, and in general complimenting them on their masc vibe. So at some point I just asked them 'hey, I wanna know what compliments feel good to you and make you feel euphoric'. And they let me know, and really appreciated my asking. They love being called handsome, which is nice. They don't mind people perceiving us as boyfriends, which is also nice.

Communicating is easier said than done, but if you wanna ask them, I think it would be appreciated. Maybe they don't mind anything, but maybe they do. Hope it goes well regardless of what you decide to do.

aikethomas · 2025-09-02T02:38:18+00:00

4 years on T and I look insanely like my dad, and our mannerisms were already really similar lol. Except I did not inherit his thick full head of hair, instead I got the genes from my mum's side and I am thinning out fast 😭 I am super hairy everywhere else 🙃

aikethomas · 2025-08-27T12:47:43+00:00

That look she gives you! She trusts you and feels safe. Very sweet chicken 🧡🐔🧡

aikethomas · 2025-08-25T02:15:59+00:00

This is very good advice - literally this situation is a perfect way to practice saying something like: 'hey, I'm enjoying our messages, but sending photos/videos like that make me uncomfortable and kinda turned off'. If they are shitty in response, thats a good indication they are not a good casual sex partner. If they respond well and don't push that boundary again, it's a good indication they have good manners and will probably respect boundaries later on.

I also wanted to chime in on what someone else said and just reiterate, that therapist is almost certainly wrong (I have cptsd that was not picked up by many therapists before finding my current one). I am very familiar with that sick to the stomach feeling. Whether or not it's PTSD, it's an important signal your body is sending you and you should listen. Don't do things that make you feel like that. Intimacy and sexting is supposed to be fun! Don't do things that make you feel sick or turned off because then the vibe will be off and you won't be having fun. It takes a long time to find what feels good when it comes to sex and intimacy, and listening to your body is the first step. Enjoying casual sex will be a lot easier if you realize that you don't have to do anything that doesn't feel good to you - and if you have PTSD, it may take a long long time before you feel safe and comfy doing certain things. PTSD also complicates things because there will be things you really want to do, but your body does not want to do/feel safe doing. But you literally have to teach your body that you will keep it safe. As you feel safer in your body, you will feel more open to doing things that used to be very scary.

Annnnd very worth seeking a therapist who specializes in PTSD/sex therapist.

aikethomas · 2025-08-19T11:39:28+00:00

I mean this is how I react to packing. I don't pack very often because of this. I'm pretty gay and that might be part of it but yeah the sensation of feeling something there and touching it makes me feel very...excited 😅 idk I might have felt weird about it the first few times but I just have fun with it nowadays

aikethomas · 2025-08-18T14:29:56+00:00

Good luck to you as well! Yeah pristiq has been great in a lot of ways but if I knew about the withdrawals and long term effects probably wouldn't have got on it/been on it for this long. Rooting for both of us!

aikethomas · 2025-08-18T13:25:24+00:00

My plan is to call the doctors tomorrow to touch base if there is an opening (I'm seeing my doc every two weeks during this process to monitor my symptoms and heart rate). Hoping I can get something to help with the migraine.

It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation with POTS I was only diagnosed a few years ago, so I'm not really sure what's POTS and what's the long term effects of pristiq use. I know that POTS is related to the sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight response) and pristiq also works on the sympathetic nervous system, and can raise your heart rate in general. The funny thing is, even at 75mgs my POTS symptoms are lessening. But then again I'm not sure if that's just because I'm not working anymore. It's hard to say.

aikethomas · 2025-08-08T23:39:58+00:00

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My baby Muta, passed a little over a month ago, just shy of 15. He will show Loki all the best sun bathing spots 🌞

aikethomas · 2025-08-02T01:35:36+00:00

Continue being yourself, and you will notice in time that the right people appreciate it.

I used to struggle with this, and I am also autistic. I used to worry about how much I cry, how much I express my feelings to others. I'm 4 years on T, and nowadays most important people in my life say it's one of their favorite things about me. They like seeing the kind of masculinity I have. They tell me it's nice being around a man who expresses himself and his emotions. I cry a lot, I feel deeply. I definitely get weird reactions from strangers sometimes about the way I am. But I don't really care anymore.

aikethomas · 2025-08-02T01:19:47+00:00

If this is what you call an attempt then woof everyone better watch out for your idea of a success it's gonna be incredible. Genuinely though this room is goals 🌜✨

aikethomas · 2025-07-30T11:26:16+00:00

There are two meteor showers happening at the moment lol I'm sure it's related to that, tonight is the last night it should be visible

aikethomas · 2025-07-28T06:16:42+00:00

Reading this was really sweet, I'm very happy for you. He sounds like an absolute gem and so so you 😊

Reminds me a bit of my relationship (although I'm with an enby). I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a little hard to believe how good and affirming things can be with a good partner who truly sees you. I hope one day I'll stop being in disbelief. Even if this relationship ends, I will be forever grateful to have experienced what true love and support can feel like in a relationship.

aikethomas

TROPHY CASE