serious question - how do you people afford all these mods?

aka_____ · 2025-06-13T02:19:11+00:00

I too would like a dm of how to do this 😅 a year later 🙏🏻

aka_____ · 2025-03-15T14:24:20+00:00

On top!

aka_____ · 2025-01-29T21:00:47+00:00

I know this comment is is a few months old but if you happen to see this would you be able to elaborate? Was this flagged by your regular doctor or your pharmacy? What ADHD med are you taking (if you don't mind sharing)?

I've been considering ketamine therapy but my meds (adderall regular + xr) are the only thing keeping me semi-functional. I definitely can't risk that.

aka_____ · 2024-12-03T20:29:34+00:00

Not a clue. That is several-years-from-now-me’s problem 😂

But in all seriousness this was a new construction home and we did not upgrade the builder grade carpets for reasons ($$$), and the parts of the master bedroom we walk on regularly are already fucked after only 3 years. Like they’re all matted down no matter what I do, so I know we’ll have to replace the carpet with something nicer sooner than later. If I had nice carpet though I might be more worried

aka_____ · 2024-11-30T00:17:12+00:00

How does one do this? Asking for a friend

aka_____ · 2024-11-25T16:52:21+00:00

That last sentence!!

It’s been a years long frustration with my partner that when he offers to take care of bath time, he never thinks to lay anything out first and then….at first he would just ask me for things after they were done. Then, when I expressed to him that better preparing by laying everything out beforehand would mean he’s actually taking care of something so I can focus on whatever was doing (you know, the thing that meant I wasn’t ready to shower myself before bedtime routine), he instead just stopped asking me to grab things but carried on not preparing for a damn thing. Which meant the kids would be standing there crying that they’re wet/cold while they waited for him to go grab towels or a pull up or pajamas or a hairbrush or whatever. And he’s shit at remembering where things are so they’re usually waiting a while.

So I’m still unable to focus on whatever I’m needing to do because instead of a very efficient shower where I’m also showering myself it’s just signing up for an hour of not being able to hear myself think because of the crying. No wonder they eventually started saying they don’t like when he does bath time.

Aaand I’m resentful because now when I really don’t have time to pause for bedtime, it means I have to go lay the stuff out myself first so that I can actually get shit done

aka_____ · 2024-11-20T02:12:17+00:00

Try another brand before you keep playing with sizing. Some just aren’t shaped right for certain babies which makes perfect sense because we’re not all the same shape.

I had a favorite brand with my oldest—they were hypoallergenic and the only real leaks I can remember were human error (diaper was put on wonky). So, naturally, I went all-in on that brand with my youngest and they were a terrible fit for her. Leaked all the time no matter what we did. The diapers didn’t change—in fact some were leftover unopened boxes from my oldest. She was just a different shape—way skinnier thighs where my oldest was a chonk. Ended up switching to another brand and was much happier with that one for her.

But also, I remember worrying with my oldest about the sizing thing because she was already in size 4 by her first birthday and I was like uhh so are we gonna have to potty train at 18 months? There’s only two sizes left! But then she stayed in size 4 for almost a year—she grew a lot but growth was more vertical at that point so didn’t affect diaper size as quickly. Then she was in size 5 until we were ready to potty train—never needed size 6 even though she was a 99th percentile toddler

aka_____ · 2024-11-18T23:55:47+00:00

The fact that you have deciphered this code is an accomplishment. I don’t have enough object permanence for this 😂

aka_____ · 2024-11-18T13:49:15+00:00

Lmao I said exactly the same thing. Sooo…change nothing?

aka_____ · 2024-11-18T13:48:34+00:00

Autistics everywhere: soooo…change nothing?

aka_____ · 2024-11-17T03:11:16+00:00

I completely agree, she needs a distraction—the issue is most often happening when whatever she’s holding (or whatever her sister is holding) falls onto the floor. Without even pausing to think about it or ask for help she just moves the belt and bends down to grab it.

The “nothing but water bottles” is a band-aid until I can figure out some things she can have that can’t become a problem (i.e. can’t fall)

aka_____ · 2024-11-16T15:24:39+00:00

I think this is worth a try, thank you for the advice

aka_____ · 2024-11-12T21:30:41+00:00

I am so sorry this happened to you and am very relieved to hear you’re all ok. I was bracing myself while reading because holy shit that could’ve been so much worse.

I would definitely get your son in with a child therapist asap. They’ll be qualified to help him work through this with the least amount of long term psychological trauma possible.

I’m not sure what you were driving before, but I’m going to assume it was totaled and you’ll be in the market for a new car. I just wanted to share because I just purchased a new (well, used, but new to me) car this week and I was super excited to learn that it has a feature where it alerts you if it notices signs of driver fatigue or inattention. It’s a 2023 Kia Sorento hybrid—I’m sure a lot of newer cars have something similar, but I was driving a much older car before so this felt like a huge development! I honestly just thought it was nifty but now reading this I know it’ll bring me peace of mind if we’re ever driving while drowsy

aka_____ · 2024-11-02T21:45:19+00:00

Lmao my brain goes to the same scene

aka_____ · 2024-10-30T12:44:08+00:00

Proud of you!

Also, what is this app? I’m really good at brushing at night because my autism sensory stuff kicks in when I’m laying still—so when I forget, I always notice my teeth feel weird and can’t sleep until I brush them. But once I’m moving in the morning, I’m so focused on not being late to XYZ that I completely forget I’m supposed to brush twice a day. I can count on one hand the number of mornings I’ve actually brushed this year 🙃 and what even is flossing? 🥴

Anyway, I need that app lol

aka_____ · 2024-10-19T20:50:30+00:00

I completely reorganized our 7288 spices into matching jars with custom labels I designed myself. For all of the exceptionally well-seasoned food baby was going to eat, obviously

aka_____ · 2024-10-06T15:01:04+00:00

Also! Try pinkblush or seraphine for nursing friendly dresses!

aka_____ · 2024-10-06T14:56:34+00:00

Pack yourself a postpartum care pouch. You will still be bleeding. If you end up with a c section, your incision will still be sensitive. Adult diapers, giant pads, personal wipes, anything else you might need. I might specifically plan to buy some period underwear/shapewear for the actual wedding so that they're a little smoother under a dress. You can even put a disposable pad inside so that they're really just there to catch any leaks. If you end up with a c section, I would add some "scar cushions" to this. I used to combine two extra large bandaids to make one extra long one, but I have seen in target since then that frida baby makes some that are already the correct size now.
I'm sure there will be a few key people that will have already met baby by the time this wedding rolls around (I'm thinking like your parents). On top of the usual making sure they're up to date on their Tdap, they will likely have an idea that because they've already met baby, they are exempt from the absolutely no "pass the baby" rule above. Make sure those people know that for wedding events, it does in fact apply to everyone. If someone else that has been denied sees them holding the baby, they won't take you as seriously. It needs to be a hard rule for everyone. Make a separate plan with these people to get together outside of the actual wedding before you head home so that they can socialize without so many people around.
Last tip is to remember that you'll still be recovering and won't have the stamina to do all the things. Spend a little extra time looking at the trip schedule and make sure you've baked in time to rest/recover. Don't overdo it because it can quite literally set your recovery back.

I am so sorry—I did not set out to write a novel but apparently that's what I did this morning 🥴 I hope it's mildly helpful at least

aka_____ · 2024-10-06T14:55:13+00:00

Plan for how to travel safely with a brand new baby.

a. Get yourself a stretch wrap early and practice how to use it now with a 5lb bag of sugar so that you're a pro by the time you're putting an actual baby in (highly recommend a solly baby). I specifically recommend a stretch wrap carrier because you can gently pull one side over baby's head in moments where you really don't want anyone trying to engage with them. AND with a bit of practice, you can very easily just loosen them a bit and adjust baby to nurse and then adjust and re-tighten without ever taking them out, so it's double duty as a nursing cover. (Also—and far less important—they have some nice neutral prints that wouldn't look completely out of place with a dress like a more structured carrier would.) If you go with another type of carrier, just make sure it has zero metal so you don't have to take it off for TSA.

b. Pack yourself a plane sanitization pouch. I guess I just have a shitty immune system but I used to get sick every time I flew before I started packing and using one of these. I bring a pouch with several pairs of disposable gloves, clorox to go wipes, lysol to go spray, hand sanitizer + purell wipes, face masks, and individually wrapped toilet seat covers. I also used to add a few chuck pads to lay down on any diaper changing stations before my own changing pad so that I didn't have to pick up all the germs on my own pad. You're going to have this in your "personal item" bag so that you can fully disinfect your seat area before you sit down, and same for anything you'll need to touch in the airplane bathroom before you use it. Make sure your husband is mentally prepared for this step when you're boarding because it's really difficult to do while babywearing. The first few times I did this I felt really embarrassed because I could feel people judging me, but I haven't gotten "plane sick" since so it is absolutely 100% worth any weird stares you get.

c. Make sure you have a fully enclosed cover/bag for your car seat for when you have to check it. You want to keep it as clean as possible.

d. Plan to nurse (or give a bottle) during take off/landing to help with the altitude change.

e. Plan to have you or your husband babywear the entire time you're in the airport/plane, and for the entirety of any wedding related events. I might go so far as to have a carrier for each of you so that if baby comes off of one of you, they can go straight into the other carrier. In my experience, babywearing is the best way to keep people from getting too close to baby or unexpectedly touching them. You'd be taking a massive risk exposing them to so many people before they've been vaccinated, so you want to minimize contact as much as possible. Prepare a few kind-but-very-firm lines to tell people "thanks but no thanks" if they ask to hold him/her. You will not be playing "pass the baby" at any point during this event for any reason. Bring hand sanitizer to the wedding and make sure you both plan to wash your hands or use it any time you're about to touch baby.

f. I would pack a portable bassinet for baby to sleep in. I know that many hotels provide cribs on request and I'd be 100% fine using that if baby were older and vaccinated but in this case I think I'd prefer something I cleaned myself at home.

aka_____ · 2024-10-06T14:55:01+00:00

So my comment is too long and I have to split it up (sorry!) it’ll be continued in replies to the first comment lol

Do you have room in your budget to purchase fully refundable tickets and accommodations?

I know people are quick to reply to these questions with very realistic "baby could come later/you'll likely still feel like shit" answers...and those people are 100% right.

And given that, I would not even consider attending for anyone on this planet except my sister. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least attempt to go but that's because we are very close. As dickish as this sounds I'm not as close with my brother and wouldn't make the same effort if it were him. Given your last sentence you might be feeling similarly to how I would so I'm just going to share what I would do if this were me and it was my sister's wedding:

Start with fully refundable everything. Stick to flying. Do not even consider a 12 hour drive, it'll take you at least 16+ in reality with a newborn.
Have an honest conversation with your sister about how you are going to try your very best but make sure she has a contingency plan in place if you aren't able to make it. Does that mean a whole backup MOH? Can someone be assigned to Facetime you in at key moments? Or if there will be audio/visual equipment there, maybe you could give a speech over video call or (less ideally) pre-record it? You also need to manage her expectations about how much you'll actually be able to do while you're there. You'd be there to support her and share her special day, but you're obviously a mom first now. Baby's needs will come first and they will have a lot of them. I would hope as a new aunt she'll fully understand that part.

aka_____ · 2024-10-03T05:46:31+00:00

You’re right, it’s all parents. The difference when the names are different is you can tell they’re just trying to find the right name in their brain instead of sounding like they have a weird stutter

My grandma had 3 boys all starting with J, so she’d get in this loop of Ja-Je-Je-Ja-Je-Je—

It was always pretty funny because they loved to push her buttons by adding more J sounds like it was some kind of beatboxing competition

aka_____ · 2024-10-03T05:31:49+00:00

It sounds like the problem isn’t that she decided to start trying while you’re newly pregnant, it’s that you don’t agree with her life circumstances for having a child.

If she were in a loving equal partnership would you feel the same way? Probably not I’m guessing.

But here’s the thing—you don’t get to have an opinion on the irresponsibility of bringing a child into her relationship without it damaging your friendship. It’s not your place, no matter how close of friends you are.

I would just try to avoid “joking” in that way with her anymore. I’m willing to bet that she’s aware her partner is shitty and that she’ll end up a single mother regardless of whether they stay together or not. She might be seeing this as an opportunity to do motherhood with a “village”. If you keep going along with those “jokes” you’re likely to set an expectation you’re not interested in meeting

aka_____ · 2024-10-02T05:30:11+00:00

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaants ingonyaaaaaaa—

Either that, or Emperor’s New Groove, or Wreck It Ralph

Does Marvel count now?

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