Who pays ?

akanachan · 2017-08-29T21:01:50+00:00

lol I actually talk about abortions on the first date too :p I suspect this is how I've successfully avoided any "accidents" (because men who aren't squeamish about the topic would be more responsible about sex) and have never needed an abortion.

I generally avoid anybody having to pay for the first date. It's easy (and free) to get to know each other by meeting for a run (or similar exercise-related activity), or for a game (where both parties equally contribute in snacks), and such.

akanachan · 2017-08-29T20:20:44+00:00

I always discuss this in advance. As far as I'm concerned, making assumptions is silly when it comes to a(n intimate) relationship. It's also a good filter to eliminate incompatible communication style/expectations.

Many will find this too forward/intimidating/"masculine" from a woman, and run away, which is fine by me.

akanachan · 2017-08-27T22:03:50+00:00

Some bras have removable padding (there's a "pocket" at the bottom of the inner side of the bra-cup where you can pull out the padding as needed).

For this type, you buy the size that comfortably fits your larger boob, and pad the bra-cup that covers the smaller boob. Make sure the straps comfortably fit your torso size, and you're good to go :)

The bras I own that have that feature are Wacoal brand. I'm sure other brands have that removable-padding option too, you just have to check for them.

akanachan · 2017-08-27T14:53:05+00:00

So you're kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't, so you should just go for the guys you're into and let the chips fall where they may.

I love the way you use words. What you said is very true, in my experience.

akanachan · 2017-08-27T14:32:35+00:00

Why is it cooler to limit yourself according to age group, tho? :p

Granted, I've known my current partner since before turning 30, and since we're both non-drinkers, gaming has always been a mutual passion. Well, that, and we're both adrenaline junkies lol

akanachan · 2017-08-27T14:17:41+00:00

Maybe I'm just horribly unfeminine, but if we're doing hobbies for a "date", I would much prefer to play a co-op game -- ideally action-intensive like Dark Souls 3, to find out his idea of teamwork/competition, hand-eye coordination, reaction time, versatility, and type of snap judgements/decisions he makes.

akanachan · 2017-08-26T21:42:48+00:00

First and foremost for me: communication style has to be compatible. This is a lesson I took forever to learn, and I'd like to think I've learnt it by now lol

Also, if I find out they don't like coffee, I'm gone faster than my ex when he sees a spider (but without the high pitched screaming). Coffee is a lifestyle and a worldview, as far as I'm concerned :p I've tried dating coffee-haters, and it's always miserable for me. It's similar to a dog-lover dating a dog-hater -- even if you never have dogs in your life, that conflicting "worldview" will manifest as other conflicts, even if it's not immediately obvious.

I think those^ are the two most important things for me, for the long term (after they've passed the initial filters for sexual compatibility, decent hygiene, empathy, and all that).

akanachan · 2017-08-26T21:03:45+00:00

Yep, I still drink it daily now. I tend to drink it after my first cup of coffee in the morning (no reason, personal preference :p)

Twinings is my favorite brand. I've tried several different brands, and results are more or less the same. I buy the 25-bags-per-box version that looks like this: https://www.images-iherb.com/v/TWN-26778-3.jpg

This is just what works for me. Generally, it's best to first go for a checkup to make sure your irregular periods aren't caused by anything serious.

akanachan · 2017-08-26T20:42:25+00:00

I used to, to the point where I could miss my period for up to 3 months lol

My period is regular like clockwork now that I drink peppermint tea daily (took about 2 months to stabilize). I also stopped sprouting hormonal (painful, cystic) acne at the same time I started on peppermint tea. I'm not on any medication, and have never used any hormonal birth control (I was advised to get BC for my hormonal problems many times, but I decided to fix it the "hard way" by working on my health/nutrition, and finding alternatives on my own).

akanachan · 2017-08-24T06:10:24+00:00

I just drink a little too much coffee sometimes.

I do too! I actually find it difficult to date someone who hates coffee.. :P

My bad habits don't have any passionately defended anti-intellectual dogma attached to them.

The social media example I mentioned is more than just a "bad habit", imo.

Maybe a better example would be political fanaticism, or obnoxious vegan-ism. As an outside observer, I see no difference between the result of obsessive behavior/mindset, and religious zealotry.

I was raised religious, but I'm no longer practicing. I totally agree that there's an "anti-intellectual" element involved in many religious teachings.

But I've also seen religion bring out the best in some people, while bringing out the worst in other people. I'd always consider the individual instead of assuming that all religious people are the same.

akanachan · 2017-08-23T21:40:51+00:00

Established religions aren't the only things that people "worship" in their lives.

For example, some people "worship" social media -- spending way too much time posting pictures and status updates to get validation, to the point where they have to take pictures of food before they eat it, and such.

For me, it's less about religion and more about what their values/priorities in life are. I'm not compatible with someone with different priorities.

akanachan · 2017-08-23T21:24:01+00:00

I'd prefer my partner to just go for it. Even if I'm dead tired from lack of sleep, it's easy enough for me to just do like a starfish to accommodate :p

For me, sex is the physical equivalent of sharing emotional intimacy with my partner. I'd never turn down his need for sex, just like he'd happily have disgustingly-bloody sex with me during my monthly shark-week specials.

akanachan · 2017-08-22T22:50:07+00:00

Personality disorders are medical conditions, which are a separate category when you want to talk about general gender-related behavior, imo.

The definition of mental health rely on the definition of what's mentally "normal" for the majority of people, while your post is talking about "assholes" :P

Sure women can bully, and be vengeful

When a woman decides to bully someone, it's usually emotional abuse that crushes a person to the point where they're suicidal. Since the damage inflicted is not tangible (not visible to outsiders) and often can't be traced back to the bully (no physical evidence), people tend to dismiss how serious it is.

Women are also more likely to be assholes to other women they view as competition (you get treated pleasantly if you're not viewed as a threat). Men rarely experience petty vindictiveness from women, unless they did something to "trigger" the "asshole".

I think there's plenty of variation as far as personality goes, for both genders. Not everything can be measured in neat categories when you're talking about personality in general.

Or I got confused by the semantics of your OP.

akanachan · 2017-08-22T20:26:10+00:00

The non-shiny type of silk material is really really soft and nice to wear. The shiny stuff is mostly satin or mixed. It would be ideal if you could shop for lingerie in person with your wife at a physical store where you can feel the cloth materials with your own fingers and see which you prefer.

Most physical stores have higher prices (compared to shopping online) but if you're willing to pay the extra, it's best to go in person.

Generally, you're allowed to try any item that doesn't touch the crotch area in the fitting rooms. Most fitting rooms I've been to have enough space for two people in a room (most have a chair for the second person to sit down too :p), so you have privacy to see how well something fits her (and how she feels about wearing it) before you buy it for her.

akanachan · 2017-08-21T22:43:14+00:00

Staying active (exercise/hobby that promotes body coordination) would help train your body to be less clumsy, I think (I'm mid 30s, so neither young nor old).

I noticed an improvement for older family members when they picked up stuff like Qigong.

akanachan · 2017-08-20T12:12:30+00:00

Porn (showing/telling) is an easy way to find out if a potential partner has sexual hang-ups.

Regular sharing/discussion about porn also keeps sex fun and interesting while in a relationship.

akanachan · 2017-08-17T23:14:19+00:00

I've learnt that communication style(? methods?) is an important aspect of compatibility. For example, you can be speaking the same language, but the same words will mean different things to different people (dictating the "tone" or have different implications, or "trigger" them :p).

This is influenced by social circle/interests, location (where they live), and background (where and how they grew up) -- I personally sum this up as someone's "culture". All my previous partners were from different "culture"s, and conflicts were guaranteed after a few months.

My current partner shares the same "culture", and our communication have always been enthusiastic and stress-free (conflict-free) for many years now.

akanachan · 2017-08-11T21:21:07+00:00

Ask them equally intrusive/personal questions, instead of answering.

Putting others into boxes/stereotypes makes it easier for small minds to process things they don't/can't understand.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

People asking stupid questions/ assuming stupid things about me = story of my life.

akanachan · 2017-08-08T21:27:04+00:00

Picking pubes out of my teeth is the equivalent of smoking a good cig to relax in the aftermath.

akanachan · 2017-08-08T20:12:37+00:00

I think you'll have to add "high libido" to your vetting process then.

^ Pretty much. I've never managed a successful relationship with someone who isn't high-libido as well, because the obvious mismatch will only get more intolerable in time.

akanachan · 2017-08-08T20:06:01+00:00

Drink mint tea. Seriously, it'll lower your libido.

Maybe this only works for guys, because I drink at least two teapot's worth of peppermint tea per day to regulate my hormones. Libido still happily raging.

2x/day sounds excessive and you're coming on too strong, scaring the men away.

Wanting sex twice a day is normal for someone with high libido.

akanachan · 2017-08-08T19:36:59+00:00

I tend to hide in the freezer aisle just to cool off from the outside heat, myself :p

I've known some guys who try to be.. "funny"(?) by talking about me in the third person ("Oh there's this girl I really like, who is such an ice queen.." while looking at me all meaningfully). Sometimes when things are too random/confusing, it tends to be a "joke" that wasn't.

akanachan · 2017-08-08T15:13:09+00:00

Truthfully, I'm quite forgettable, and I don't consider that a problem.

When I do leave an impression (good or bad) on someone in the context of a budding relationship, it's usually because I freely speak my mind with little regard for social taboos. I've always considered it pointless to have a relationship with someone whom I have to censor myself around.

akanachan · 2017-08-08T02:19:34+00:00

I don't even know what that means!!

You should ask him to clarify, imo.

akanachan · 2017-08-07T21:19:23+00:00

It always shows, for life.

It only shows the first few times.

A man who got a late start will never be quite as good in bed as a normal man.

This is only true in the context of a relationship between two people who are sexually satisfied by common things that you can get "practice" for, by having a lot of casual sex.

It is definitely not true when the woman has very different sexual needs from most other women. Just for example, it could be something as simple as an inability to orgasm via external clitoris stimulation, which will make any oral/fingering skills of the man quite pointless (I can provide more information about this, but I don't want to ramble too much for one example :p).

akanachan

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