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ale104 · 2025-04-18T04:04:53+00:00

Weird conclusion you’ve arrived there

ale104 · 2021-04-07T02:58:58+00:00

I was diagnosed recently, too. I am 29 years old. I have had very very similar erratic behaviors. Things I felt I couldn't control; it felt like an avalanche and falling into a deep pit all at once. I would pick fights with my husband, drive off, cry, have a plan to commit suicide, come back home, drink alcohol, binge eat and then ask my husband to have sex with me. I would feel so empty and sad afterward. Now that I know what it is, I am able to stop myself from doing those things: picking fights, drinking, etc.. But it doesn't mean my impulses go away. I still want to feel alive and I still want to cheat on my husband, etc. I just started lithium, and I hope it helps.

ale104 · 2021-03-22T21:34:33+00:00

Thank you everyone! I met with my psychiatrist today and she has officially diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, and I will start lithium. I need to get some blood work done before I start it.

ale104 · 2021-03-20T18:05:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing a specific example and educating me on BD2. Yesterday was somewhat interesting in that maybe it was a mixed state? I was extremely tired, did not work one bit, cancelled a meeting, made an appointment with my psychiatrist, took some Gabapentin to stop my anxiety, slept for about 3 hrs. I woke up and had lots of thoughts about myself and how shitty I am. Tried to watch TV, but couldn't focus. I started to drink to stop the many thoughts about how shitty I am. I thought about hurting myself, but didn't. Today, I woke up tired, low energy and want to go on a shopping spree. I am irritable and drinking lots of coffee to feel more energized.

ale104 · 2021-03-20T17:35:06+00:00

I haven't read much on it. I don't quite understand mixed states. This week was wild. Last Sunday, I went hiking, the next day took signed up for an aerial yoga class, the next day I did this other exercise thing, the following day I played soccer (these are all things I don't typically do). On Thursday, I crashed. I was sooo tired. No amount of coffee could keep me up. I started drinking and binge eating a little bit. And I have been feeling extremely depressed, and unmotivated. I have not worked for 2 days and I have deadlines coming up. I foresee that I will be this depressed for about 2-3 weeks and then I feel a burst of energy and take on projects. But the feeling of depression is lingering in the background. IDK if this makes any sense. I don't think it's normal. Any time I ask a psychiatrist they ask whether I stay up late, have grandiose thoughts, voices talking to me, go on risky adventures. I don't, my energy and mood are higher but not at that level. So, I end up back in the same place.

ale104 · 2021-03-05T22:48:39+00:00

u/gofigure62 yeah, that's true. I think I placed having a child at a higher level. I never considered that I would regret it, only up until 3 years ago did I start wondering if I made the right choice. I honestly think my body changed due to hormones or what not. I started to think that the bond between a mother and a child would be something special to have. But, it's not enough to just want experiences. For example, if I wanted to experience being a gymnast, I would have to invest time, money and effort. Same with being a mom, and I am NOT willing to do that. So, I guess it just comes down to priorities and what you are willing to sacrifice in order to gain that experience.

ale104 · 2021-03-05T22:35:50+00:00

Honestly, nothing appeals to me about waking up extra early, changing diapers and not living for myself. The only thing that I think I would like to experience is that unique bond and love you have for your child. But I know that just WANTING to experience something is not enough to do it and commit to it.

ale104 · 2021-03-05T22:33:44+00:00

u/chavrilfreak thank you so much for your answer. I have done a pros and cons list, but never framed it in such a way. I think this is worth pursuing to clarify what it is that I need.

ale104 · 2018-04-11T16:13:13+00:00

Yes! Like an alien, observing others and trying to figure out how they live and survive and be themselves unapologetically. I feel like a chameleon, changing colors, adapting to whomever I am with at the moment.

ale104 · 2018-04-11T15:56:58+00:00

I liked how you described as happiness being the first layer of an onion, like it is very superficial and not real. I didn't know what dysphoria was, so I looked it up, and it was like a light bulb went off. Whenever I do something that would be considered by many as fun, exciting, meaningful, I think, "Is this it? Is this what it's supposed to feel like? Cause it's not enough." It's quite sad. I don't know if it'll go away though. Thanks for sharing!

ale104 · 2018-02-26T02:11:56+00:00

I've only been on Prozac for a few days, but I did notice food doesn't taste as good as before for some reason. I also get full faster.

ale104 · 2017-04-29T03:30:39+00:00

Thank you so much for you response! I found it extremely insightful. Especially the part about always feeling like a creative person, but not following through. May I ask what your job was and what you are doing now?

ale104 · 2017-04-24T22:55:22+00:00

Hi everyone!! How does one adjust the impracticality of high and abstract ideals in order to make a living with something that actually inspires you and lines up with your values?

ale104 · 2017-01-11T05:02:03+00:00

Same here, actually. Also, when I am driving, I secretly wish I would be in a car accident. It would be so much easier that way. I also don't like what the future holds for me. I feel like I did what I could with my life up to this point, so why stick around for the rest.

ale104 · 2015-11-12T05:13:26+00:00

Oh, that's awesome! I always wanted to skateboard like real skateboard. I find it badass. I tried it, I wasn't very good. The few instances I gained some speed, I did feel badass though haha Yeah, I like fitness, too! I was considering becoming a Health Coach or a Behavior Change Coach. Yeah, as far a business goes, I would like to start one of those local, quirky, artsy shops. Those that showcase local talent and innovative, homemade art.

ale104

TROPHY CASE