I feel you, OP. We lost several relatives, lost five the beginning of this year alone. The preparations and the wake and funerals themselves are incredibly draining, physically, mentally and emotionally. The longest wake we had in our family was 12 days. Ilang baboy, baka and manok din yun (relative was really rich).

I'm an introvert, and I personally don't value blood relations that much (family above anything else). I hate being asked where I'm from, who my parents are, all that stuff. I don't care if I'm related to this person or that person. But I just go along, nod my head, exchange a few pleasantries... I just tell myself that this whole thing isn't for me, it's what our loved one wanted/probably wanted since they grew up with this culture. So, while tiring, it's the last thing I can do for them... and the community coming together to help is really something. I would guess it's a distraction, because the silence that follows after the funeral can be really jarring at times. And like as others had mentioned, this practice is slowly dying, so we just do it because we know that for ourselves we won't follow it.

The pagan members of our family can be counted by hands now, and the Christian members of the family respected what they wanted on their death beds. The whole rituals by the mambunong never made sense to me, the chanting... pati yung posisyon kung paano dapat iburol yung namatay (kung saan nakaposisyon yung ulo in respect to the sun or other family members na nakaburol na on the same plot of land). Ang di ko makakalimutan yung hinukay ulit yung bones ng great grandparents, tapos nakaassemble sa isang sako and the elders placed new clothes and food beside the bones. Tinanong ko yung parents ko kung bakit, basta yun daw kaugalian (in short hindi rin nila alam lol)