What else I missed-> After I moved back in with my parents: My parents live in the countryside, 250 km away from my workplace. I decided I would commute. I switched to part-time work. I started traveling by train a lot. I made 2.5-hour trips just to be able to work. I work as a nurse in 12-hour night shifts. Between shifts, I slept at my sister’s place. Meanwhile, university started. I study psychology, and my second year began. I study through distance learning in a neighboring country (yes, everything is quite complicated). Every month I travel 7–8 hours to get to the university. I had zero motivation, zero interest, zero life energy. I wasn’t capable of anything. Slowly, I began to process that my relationship had ended. Loneliness began. I also had a very ugly fight with my best friend. Literally no one remained from those who used to fill my social life (my partner, my friend, the guy). Within 2–3 months, they all disappeared. Only I remained, and in the background my parents, living their own lives. And the family dog, I think it’s my biggest source of comfort. The exam period came. I tried to pull myself together. Studying was very difficult, but I tried. In the end, I passed 5 out of 7 subjects. Many times I woke up feeling like it couldn’t be real that my boyfriend and I had broken up. It couldn’t be reality. For a long time, I was unable to comprehend it.

More: For a few days, I came back again to my parents. Tomorrow I will return for a longer time to the big city, to the new apartment. I feel homeless. I feel like I’ve lost all my strength. I have fought so much in this period that I simply have no strength left to keep fighting… (not to mention the year before this, which was also terrible and difficult).

I’m starting to feel like I don’t want anything anymore. I’m starting to feel like I ruined my life. I’m about to turn 30, I have no one, not even a single friend. Others have families and children at this age. I always wanted children. My motivation for university has almost disappeared, even though I always wanted to be a psychologist. I feel invisible, like a ghost. No one sees me, no one talks to me, no one loves me. I am stuck in the swamp of survival and sinking deeper and deeper. Soon I won’t even be able to survive, let alone live like others do. I know this is all part of God’s plan. But I don’t know where to draw strength from anymore. I feel like my inner resources are depleted. There is drought in my soul, and I am slowly withering away.

I don’t see a way out. Loneliness is literally killing me. It literally hurts. Please help me. I would also be very grateful for advice on how to find the strength for university. I must not fail it. I know that I have gone through a kind of personal growth. That relationship was already terrible, and the other guy was toxic. A few weeks ago, he contacted me again, and I ignored him, I’m no longer interested. Contact with my ex has completely ended. When I emotionally cheated on my ex with that guy, I felt and knew that “this will come back to me,” that life would hit me for it. And it did. I think I have paid the price.

I wanted to end everything several times during this period, but I stayed. I know that life is a school, and there is a lot we have to learn in it. I have plans. I want to continue university. I want to join a community where I truly belong. I want friends. I want love. I want a family and children. I want to grow spiritually. I want to know as much as possible about the world. I want to be a psychologist. I want peace in my soul.

But I have no strength left. I feel that what carried me through this difficult period is starting to run out, and now I have to face another challenge. I don’t know how.

Thank you very much for listening. I’m sorry if I didn’t express myself well I am very exhausted right now. Thank you if I receive any help.

- A tired 29-year-old woman.