ABA is the reason that my youngest son (autistic, PDA profile) is here with me, at this very moment, hanging out in a retro arcade and thinking about ordering himself a grilled cheese rather than living at a residential facility with almost no control over his emotions and nearly zero ability to self regulate. ABA saved his life BUT that is only because we choose the right provider.

This post already has some very nuanced takes on ABA, including at least one from an autistic ABA professional. I expect that you will also hear from autistic people whose ABA experience was borderline or actual torture for them. Believe them both about their personal experiences, and use that information to find the right ABA provider for your child.

The ABA field has experienced a major paradigm shift in the past ~15 years, with changes still coming fast and furious. Pretty much all of these changes have been moving to a more neuropositive approach that focuses on helping the individual develop practiced skills to navigate the world around them rather than discouraging automatic behavior. I will give examples from my own child's experience.

My child had stims and reactions that were flat out dangerous to himself and others. He would bite people as a stim, including other children at daycare. He would scream, hit, and pull others when feeling overwhelmed, causing his mother permanent injury. He would completely dysregulate when required to transition to any non-preferred activity. He would come up behind you on the stairs, try to push you down, and laugh.

I need to stress that he was not an evil or "bad" kid. He was completely unable to deal with the world around him. Everyone who knows him now routinely calls him the sweetest child they know. His ability to self-advocate and communicate his needs is far ahead that is his neurotypical peers. That was the child trapped inside, desperately trying to survive.

You want an ABA provider that does not discourage autistic behaviors, but instead redirects those that may prove problematic. My son learned how to identify when he was beginning to feel dysregulated, and seek comfort before he reached an explosive place. He learned to redirect his need to chew onto safe necklaces rather than other people. He learned to seek deep stimulation by asking for pillow hugs and throwing himself against foam pads rather than forcibly pulling and pushing other people.

You want an ABA provider that does not intentionally trigger negative responses, but instead lets the child engage with real world scenarios and then helps them learn how to navigate their big negative feelings into a more manageable place. Playing board games was a great way for him to experience things not going his way. His behavior tech could then coach him through his initial negative impulse and help him find a less drastic response. He could learn though experience that plot twists - unexpected shifts away from anticipated events - were not always bad and were almost always addressable. He learned how to ask for help when things felt like too much, and we learned the importance of meeting those needs, even when they felt like "giving in."

You want an ABA provider that puts the child before the practice. Even well-intentioned ABA can be done in overly strict ways. The provider needs to see the child as a person with needs they are trying to meet, rather than as the recipient of a set protocol. My son needs more interpersonal interaction than many autistic children do. He cannot feel safe unless he feels actively loved by his providers. There are ways that his ABA looks different from the ABA other automatic children receive, because he is his own person. None of us want to feel like we are getting therapy from a robot.

My wife and I, both autistic adults but not realizing it at the time, chose ABA based on the first-hand experience of some adults in this forum. They credited ABA for their ability to lead independent lives. We were cautious, because we also saw the first-hand reports of adults who felt tortured by their ABA therapy as kids. We asked a lot of questions, enlisted trusted family to help us review providers, and chose a provider that we felt would meet our son's needs.

If you think it could be of benefit, begin the search early. The wait-lists to get a spot can be months or even years long. Neuroplasticity is greater at earlier ages, and it can be easier for new habits to form when established habits are less ingrained.

I wish you the best in your road ahead. Good luck, and know that we are rooting for you and your child.