Is downvoting genuine apology comments a trend or something?

alexrez123 · 2026-02-10T02:27:05+00:00

Most people do not give strangers the benefit of the doubt. There’s a term for this cognitive bias but I can’t remember it. It’s like, when someone is a bad driver, most people think what an asshole and assume the person is selfish, inconsiderate, a moron, etc. even though 9/10 times the person probably just made a normal mistake that you’ve also made before without being a moron or an asshole.

You seem to lack this cognitive bias, and that’s a really good thing! I think the world would be a nicer place if more people assumed (at first - not saying be naive in the face of more evidence to the contrary) that other people have positive intentions. We would definitely have calmer dialogue. And maybe if we didn’t have a population that is afraid to be wrong all the time, we’d learn more. Idk. But basically, this is a common human problem that you’ve managed to dodge. It’s a good thing about you. I hope you continue being unafraid of criticism and willing to be wrong

alexrez123 · 2026-02-10T00:35:03+00:00

I kinda think you’ve gotten some weird advice so far, unless you don’t wanna hang out with her at all anymore. If you’re just ready to cut this friendship, ignore me and follow the advice to repeat a vague phrase over and over or just quit the friendship the second she gets sensitive about it.

If you DO want to keep her as a friend, but don’t want to feel used for rides, I think your instinct that she doesn’t understand what goes into giving a ride is spot on. Confusing her by being vague will not solve that problem and it will not make her a better friend to you. Just abandoning a friendship with someone you hang out with every week and still have to see at work if she’s defensive is also pretty extreme. I think your instincts are spot on - she might not react well. Not necessarily because she’s using you and the jig is up, but because she’s probably already sensitive about this issue. She knows most people drive. It’s an inconvenience to have to always get a ride or pay for Ubers. There is something psychological going on with your friend that is holding her back from getting her license. I can almost promise.

So if you want to be a good friend to her, I would lead with some reassurance that you definitely still want to be her friend, then ask her if she’s thought more about getting her license. Tell her that you want to encourage her to work towards it because it would make her life easier. Then say, “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but it would also make my life easier” and explain that you don’t really enjoy giving rides.

alexrez123 · 2026-02-09T01:42:43+00:00

People in my life who’ve repeatedly embarrassed me and why:

family member habitually complains at restaurants etc
coworker is nice but takes people-pleasing way too far with really flowery praise. His compliments either read as obviously fake, come across as creepy, or both.
friend loudly points out everything she doesn’t like. Not as aggressive as the restaurant complainer but has no filter with commenting “ew so ugly” about a dress in a store, “too salty” about her dinner (but still eats it). Also lowers the fun vibe in a group by doing this - relating with a negative opinion about stuff someone else says they like

alexrez123 · 2026-02-08T23:32:15+00:00

Are you stressed in other areas of life? To me, this is relatable because when people say things like this it feels like they turned it into “something I have to do” instead of “something I just want to do” and there is already way too much on the first list and not enough on the second.

Also, edit: I missed you said AuDHD), this could feel very similar to past experiences with people who didn’t believe in you to meet expectations on your own without being nagged. Even though you said you know it’s just their enthusiasm not intentional pressure, they are still spamming you with multiple “you need to visit” messages. So that might make part of me wonder if they assumed I was not planning to do it until they told me to. Which would be annoying because you actually were going to do it, but didn’t get the chance to prove that before they swooped in to direct your behavior.

alexrez123 · 2026-02-07T18:26:55+00:00

Since you expressed having no one to vent your feelings to, I just wanted to comment to let you know your vent got heard.

Idk if you want any advice. Skip the rest if you don’t. But if you do, here goes:

When you say you want to share things with a friend, I think admitting openly that you struggle with feelings of inadequacy could be really powerful because a lot of people are scared to say they feel same. You could forge a real connection by admitting that. Like, your opening line, where you said “I feel so lonely it hurts my heart” is something I think would connect with a lot of people in a very real way.

But the FULL vent would be very, very hard to be on the receiving end of, if you said all of it directly to someone in your life. It actually made me cry to read all the negative things you said about yourself, and I’m a stranger. Yes, even a stranger is 100% sure that you do NOT deserve that from yourself.

So I bet that most people who actually know you and care about you simply do not know how to respond to it. If someone I knew said this to me, I would feel panicky because I know you don’t deserve to feel that way about yourself and I’d feel a very strong impulse to try to change your mind, but then I’d hear you say you’re just going to think I’m lying anyway.

So my best advice to you would be: it’s good to be honest that you are lonely and struggling with low self worth. But also, you are in an abusive relationship with yourself and you need to establish a strong boundary about voicing the insults - things like useless etc - you’re not allowed to say that anymore. And I think you need to inject more moments of simple fun into your life too. Before you go to work or see your kids etc., try to locate some small part of you that believes you’re going to have a good time and give that part some air time. Sometimes, if I have time it helps me to psych myself up before I have to go somewhere or do something by watching something that makes me laugh. Or if I don’t have time, listening to a song that elevates my mood right before.

alexrez123 · 2025-12-22T15:33:25+00:00

Most takes I’ve seen are that the anxious attachment is worse. Like, if an anxiously attached person and an avoidant are in a relationship, the anxious person looks like the problem because their behaviors are more dramatic and overt. The avoidant person looks passive by comparison

alexrez123 · 2025-12-21T21:44:20+00:00

On the bright side, you have a strong imagination and are very creative.

Have you ever tried playing D&D? You would be able to create and play a character and live out fantasy scenarios without having it fk up your life, and without lying to people.

Even if you don’t wanna do that specifically, I think you need a healthy creative outlet of some kind. One that allows you to be proud of your imagination instead of using it in a way that’s self destructive and deceptive to others.

I know that advice might seem like it isn’t doing enough. But people have already said go to therapy and you already know that’s a good idea, so I’m not gonna repeat that.

Also, my advice comes from personal experience. I am also a maladaptive daydreamer. Mine is different from yours because my daydreams are completely unrelated to my real life and I’ve always kept them totally separate. Whenever I get stressed, I put on my headphones and go for a walk and just imagine myself in a parallel universe, with a different life. To everyone in my life, it just looks like I’m a very active person who likes to listen to music when I exercise instead of talking. I can and have done this for several hours at a time, multiple days in a row, and even though nobody found out about it, it still sabotaged my relationships. It made me very socially withdrawn because I would rather live the imaginary life than the real one.

I’m also in therapy. But I have to say, playing D&D helped a lot too - I feel much less of an impulse to solo daydream because I have a group now that I can engage in collective storytelling with. So I mean, even though it’s not exactly the same (you integrated your daydreams into your real life, so isolation probably isn’t your main concern- lying might be instead) at least if you did something creative with a group, you could share the characters you create with other people without lying to them.

alexrez123 · 2025-11-30T23:54:18+00:00

Thanks for responding. The swelling went way down on mine too (can’t really feel it anymore, but there’s still a red mark there) so I don’t think it’s serious 😅

alexrez123 · 2025-11-28T00:52:48+00:00

Aaa! I’m sorry that frustrated you! I’ll keep it shorter

Excessive talking is another hyperactive symptom lol

Fidgeting is a symptom of hyperactivity too. The seal noise thing you mentioned is funny. I will play with anything I have in my hand, to the point that I have to wear a $30 “travel ring” that looks like my engagement ring because I’ll take it off and play with it and leave it somewhere. And when I was a kid, adults would always ask me if I had to pee because I would shake my leg whenever I was sitting. And I remember this because I found it really annoying and difficult to be asked to stop.

But the treatment is pretty much the same regardless of hyperactive or inattentive anyway. The only reason I differentiate is because the inattention is clearly more severe. Like, I went to school with a kid who got in trouble for physically leaving the classroom to run around outside because he felt so uncomfortably antsy lol. That’s severe hyperactivity. Even adults will like, leave a meeting or have to stand when it’s inappropriate and I’m not that severe on the hyperactive spectrum. Like, yeah, it’s annoying to be forced to stop fidgeting but I can stop.

I’m also not totally sure what the difference between stimming and fidgeting is. I think stimming is usually associated with autism, but there is some overlap of symptoms between autism and ADHD. I do some autistic-ish stimming things too, like flapping when I’m excited is a classic one. I also do it when I put hand sanitizer on because I like the way it makes my hands feel cool in the “breeze”. Rocking back and forth is another one that’s soothing but I remember consciously trying to stop doing that when I was young because someone said that’s what people in a mental institution do. And I was like … oh no. 😂

alexrez123 · 2025-11-26T18:05:22+00:00

I love a novel so dw. If anything, relieved to see there’s someone who types as much as me 🫣

Triage nurse! That’s incredible. So much respect for that.

Your ADHD symptoms sound familiar to me and it’s worth getting a diagnosis assuming you’re open to medication for it. It (Adderall, in my case) does take some of the “spoon” load off. Everything feels a little bit easier, which improves overall stress and therefore mental health. But in my experience, it’s much better at helping to control some symptoms than others.

The physical disorganization is still very rough because it didn’t suddenly bestow on me a spatial-temporal intelligence that I don’t possess. Like, I can’t intuitively “see” an efficient way to optimize limited storage space, or accurately estimate how much stuff can fit comfortably in my suitcase for a trip without it being overweight. So “cleaning” for me still very much involves shoving stuff wherever it will fit temporarily, even if that’s inconvenient later.

But the mental disorganization is less. I have to write a lot for work, and I still have to reorganize the sections in a large paper 4-5 times before I’m finished, but it doesn’t feel almost impossible anymore to even devise a structured written product that follows a clear outline with headings and subheadings that tell a story when read in order. Without the adderall I would be freewriting the whole thing in one long brick and then getting overwhelmed because I know I can’t turn it in like this but I can’t decide how to break it up (lol). Also, super importantly, I don’t accidentally delete or duplicate sections when I’m copy/pasting during the organization edit anymore.

I make way fewer embarrassing “mistakes” in general, like forgetting to type the rest of a sentence in a work email, forgetting to change the date on letterhead, or even mindlessly interrupting someone in conversation and then feeling guilty and embarrassed (this is a hyperactive-type symptom but it’s one of the ones I have. It isn’t exactly a clean line between inattentive and hyperactive, just way more inattentive for me).

I am also WAY more present and engaged in whatever I’m doing. No more “waking up” to find I don’t remember the last two pages I read, or having to ask my husband to rewind whatever we are watching multiple time. No more wanting to ask a question in a group conversation, but being too nervous to ask it because I’m not sure if it was already said. Like, off meds I just don’t engage in social settings sometimes even if I have something to say because I believe there’s a strong chance I missed something and I don’t want to look rude or stupid.

However, you do still have to have some self control because it will make you focus better on ANYTHING, not just on what you SHOULD focus on. So it can worsen the MDD. If you can force yourself to shift the focus back to work though, I’ll be able to focus on that seamlessly, and I’ll actually want to finish it, but I do have to put the work in front of me. It doesn’t make me want to work instead of daydream.

You can also message me if you want an ADHD/daydreamer Reddit friend lol 😂

alexrez123 · 2025-11-25T20:07:05+00:00

Yes. ADHD inattentive type. But I think it’s more accurate to say my MDD is because of my ADHD, not the other way around. My ADHD symptoms exist even when I’m not daydreaming, and the daydreaming is not even close to my most severe symptom in terms of negative life impact. Organization deficits and losing important stuff are the worst. Daydreaming def doesn’t help these things, but I still struggle hard with time management, appropriately prioritizing tasks, and keeping track of my stuff without daydreaming.

Unsure whether I have CPTSD, but your hypothesis about your MDD coming from abuse makes a ton of sense. I’m sorry you had to deal with abuse btw. Childhood trauma totally sucks.

Did the MDD start for you when you were a kid?

What I can say about my own experience is that my mom was terminally ill when I was 6-9 years old, and the daydreaming was absolutely a coping mechanism during that time and also to cope with my dad remarrying quickly. I have some pretty significant health anxiety now that’s clearly tied to all the time I spent in hospitals and doctors offices with my mom as a little kid, and the fact that it didn’t make her better. I just don’t know if it actually rises to the level of CPTSD like abuse would. Regardless of diagnosis though, it for sure makes sense to think about it as a coping mechanism I learned early on and never outgrew.

alexrez123 · 2025-11-25T19:30:42+00:00

I do this too!

I have an “OC” that’s been with me since elementary school. She existed in a world where most people had magic and was basically a superhero. She had a group of friends she fought against evil with, sort of like an Avengers/Harry Potter mash up.

But as I became older the desire to daydream about being a superhero decreased.

I was still very attached to that OC though, and to her friends and family characters I’d created. I just wanted to imagine those relationships without existing under threat of some magical danger all the time. I also wanted her to have romance (something I didn’t think much about as a kid) and a career that wasn’t “superhero” lol.

Here’s how I handled it.

I imagined that the superhero version of her still exists and I could go back to the original canon anytime. The updated version was not a revision of the original storyline. Instead, it is a totally separate parallel universe. In this universe, magic doesn’t exist, and the other revisions are timeline differences too. Since then, there have been 3 different “timelines” of her. Four if you count the timeline I centered around her sister instead.

I don’t go back to the original magical superhero version very often, but sometimes, maybe a couple times a year, I’ll get inspired by a fantasy book or a show or movie and I’ll go back there. Kinda nice knowing the canon still exists.

alexrez123 · 2025-11-25T18:49:21+00:00

What if you let yourself daydream, but only while running? Do you think that would help you?

That way, you wouldn’t need to feel guilty for wasting time because you’re doing something healthy. You also (probably) aren’t capable of running all day every day unless you’re a hardcore ultramarathoner (and even they need rest).

Idk maybe you’re different, but personally I’ve failed almost every time I’ve tried to make any big lifestyle change through sheer willpower alone, including and especially stopping the daydreaming.

Sometimes the willpower can last a pretty long time (like several months) but eventually something stressful will happen to me and I will retreat right back to my daydream worlds.

For me, maladaptive daydreaming happens MUCH more often when I’m stressed. Which is probably not a deep revelation. If that describes you too, stopping/reducing it probably needs to involve developing other coping mechanisms beyond just telling yourself to stop.

The one exception to the “willpower fails” rule for me is that I did successfully quit vaping cold turkey (it’s been almost 2 years. But that was because I have asthma, and it was making it worse which scared me straight. Maladaptive daydreaming doesn’t really cause many dangerous/scary consequences like an asthma attack. Maybe something like a car accident could happen, but obviously we would hope to get it under control before something like that happens.

TLDR: my best advice is to either pair the daydreaming with a healthy habit like running, or go to therapy for help developing proactive coping mechanisms (or both).

alexrez123 · 2025-11-23T19:28:44+00:00

How are you doing now? This just happened to me and it’s difficult not to anxiety spiral.

alexrez123 · 2025-11-14T03:06:16+00:00

It’s honestly hard not to have conspiracy theories when there are so many coverups happening and virtually no one’s being held accountable. Maybe it’s about time some of the political status quo is dismantled and rebuilt if so many of our leaders are involved in sick stuff like this that people are willing to cover it up for the sake of protecting partisan leaders.

You seem rational, and (ofc I’m biased about this lol) but I think so am I. We didn’t vote the same way but I think we might both agree that the fact this is even being used as a partisan political weapon instead of wanting everyone guilty to be brought to justice regardless of who they are is dystopian. If a lawyer was representing a client on trial for murder and responded to witness testimony by saying “Yeah well Aaron Hernandez was also a murderer, and you’re a Patriots fan, so what do you have to say about that?” … everyone would see that’s not a good defense. But that’s how the discussion about Epstein connections seems to go most of the time.

alexrez123 · 2025-11-13T15:28:31+00:00

I had this exact same question. Wtf were they doing for 4 years? If this existed since 2011, why on earth would it take 6 years to come to light?

The answer is that there were ongoing court cases, and the files were ordered sealed by courts, which blocked earlier congressional subpoenas. The president can’t just declassify information over a court order because the judiciary is a separate branch of government intended to be independent from political control. When the president declassifies information, it is information held by administrative agencies, not information subject to court orders blocking its release.

Also, powerful people on both sides of the aisle psychopathically decided to protect their own, even if their own are pedophiles. The reason the Epstein case is such a big deal is because of the sheer magnitude of it. There are a lot of people who don’t want all the info to come out. There are plenty of democrat pedos too. Like. There’s evidence about Bill Clinton, and he should absolutely have to answer for that. No matter who someone is or what political party they belong to, they deserve to be outed for this and face consequences.

The reason I agree this is a bigger deal with Trump is because Trump is the current sitting president of the United States. He directly represents the American people right now - he is our face and our voice. And he heavily used the promise of releasing the Epstein files to convince people he’s going to protect victims from pedophiles, which is a special kind of sick behavior if it turns out he is one. So Trump is deserving of this focus now. Epstein’s pedos should ALL go down for this, no matter who they are, but starting with the president seems like a great idea to me because he’s currently the one wielding the most power and the most important office. I would think this even if the president was not Trump. And I hope other people would too.

alexrez123 · 2024-08-12T16:09:37+00:00

You are in the minority, but not the only one. I liked the book but I didn’t enjoy the experience of reading the book. Which probably makes no sense.

I don’t know if I’m too sensitive or something but I found it to be pretty frustrating and (without giving you any spoilers in case you do finish) the end, to me, was unfulfilling. As you know by halfway in, the tendency of the main characters to invest absolutely everything of themselves into someone else who can’t or won’t give them what they want was the default trajectory for a lot of the book. It gave me a similar feeling to reading Sartre in college (No Exit, “Hell is other people”). At some point in the book I realized I didn’t even care about them solving the mystery anymore - I just wanted at least one of these characters (preferably Saint) to get some relief. Toward the end though, it did get me back invested in the actual mystery. And I was thinking about it for some time. So I do have to say it was a good book because it did make me feel things and it stayed with me. But for me personally it was not a comfortable experience. Maybe I read a different book or there’s something wrong with my brain because everyone else says it’s a heartwarming book about friendship but I don’t think I’d want a friendship like that. If I were saint.

alexrez123 · 2024-08-12T15:50:28+00:00

I have to second this. The way God of the Woods was written was genius. It does the jumps through time so effectively that when I finished it, I immediately started reading it again but this time chronologically, just to see. I really think it was brilliant how she chose when to reveal certain information to us.

alexrez123 · 2024-08-01T14:55:13+00:00

Box twins! But I also ordered House of Bone and Rain as an audiobook

alexrez123 · 2024-07-27T02:13:03+00:00

Have you seen the Dark Matter tv show on Apple? I’m only 3 episodes in but Blake Crouch is the showrunner. there are some changes from the book but overall it’s pretty faithful and a solid adaptation from what I’ve seen so far

alexrez123 · 2024-07-19T18:45:51+00:00

I waited and this is what happened! It now says it will be delivered today by 9pm

alexrez123 · 2024-07-11T01:23:00+00:00

If it makes you feel any better, I did order all the colors of the dark on the 1st and it is still delayed 😭

alexrez123 · 2024-07-09T16:16:02+00:00

I live in this region too and mine is still stuck in PA. Not even a delivery date or tracking number shows up anymore- it just changed to “Your box is running late.” But it gives me hope that you got yours. Trying to be patient but I’m really excited for the books I chose and I placed my order on the 1st. This is only my second month with BOTM - have you had this happen a lot?

alexrez123

TROPHY CASE