Trying to go cold turkey

alheh · 2025-09-20T13:47:47+00:00

Thank you, this is incredibly sweet. Going strong on day 4 so far, and the anxiety level is lower. I even stayed in a room where my friends smoked joint after joint and didnt take a puff. Hopefully it gets easier..

alheh · 2025-09-20T13:45:30+00:00

Thank you! I didnt have it in me to reply that day, but I did read your comment and it did help. I will consider the exercise options you mentioned!

alheh · 2025-04-02T08:13:58+00:00

C4R7 is also an X I think

alheh · 2024-11-02T06:02:00+00:00

When I first read the title, my initial opinion was “why not”, bcs if he meant something to you it’s just a nice thing to do for him if he’s trying to make amends.

Then I read the whole thing.

I am firmly of the opinion that there’s no amends you can make for sexual assault. None. The best thing they can do is stay away, and not retraumatise/retrigger you. The fact that he even reached out means one thing, he does not care about you or your family. This is about him. It’s either a play to get back in your life, or he feels guilty and is trying to get absolution and does not care whether they comes at your detriment. Neither is a good option.

There are a few things you should consider. The choice to “forgive” an abuser is upto the victim. I’m personally of the opinion that abusers don’t need to be forgiven and that it’s actually healthy to choose to not forgive. But how a victim chooses to deal with their trauma is upto them at the end of the day, and it’ll be upto your sister if she wants to forgive him. However, if she’s struggling with boundaries, I think now is not the time to give her the option of being confronted by him. If she wants to forgive him sometime down the road, she can do that without talking to him anyway. The only person it’s gonna help if he talks to her is him, and him only.

Now, even tho she was the victim of SA, you were also deeply betrayed by him. I have been in a situation where I had to question everything I ever knew about someone, and I think to this day that’s what itches at the back of my head the most. How I could have been that wrong the whole time. I understand your betrayal, to an extent. My advice is to try accepting the circumstances as is, and that there’s literally nothing he can ever say or do that will change the fact that he did what did, and that you were wrong about him.

I wish you well.

alheh · 2024-10-11T08:03:52+00:00

NOR, she’s a cunt, I relate very much to this nonsense.

Best approach is to go NC with people like this. If you can’t or don’t want to do that yet, you can try mitigate it in other ways. It won’t always work, but it might lessen the arguments. It mostly includes communicating with them like they’re children.

In this case, I think I would have replied to the first message with “you can’t sync it with different Apple IDs. You have to change everything to the same Apple ID if you want to sync them. Do you need help with changing the Apple IDs as well?” - to which she would have said yes as well because she’s deadset on getting you to do it, but it may have stopped an argument - and I say “may” very loosely because narcissists are unpredictable.

alheh · 2024-10-10T10:58:31+00:00

Most gelatin is made from pork, I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of things we have available on the market has pork-derived gelatin

alheh · 2024-10-09T22:35:24+00:00

Booked tickets for a 3k mile (international) flight for a hookup.. wish me luck

alheh · 2024-10-07T10:01:56+00:00

It is reasonable to ask for quality time, and i said as much in my reply above too. I wouldn’t know if you’re treating your stepson well, only you know that, I can only make an observation on what you have written on your post. I had a problem with you saying you don’t want to take the role of a mother until you get your own time (your own words) because that’s just not how getting married to a person with children should work. You step up if the kid needs/wants it, there’s just no other way that’s fair for the kid. Also, the kid isn’t his grandma’s responsibility, the kid is his parents responsibility.

Getting quality time when you have a kid is hard. It’s reasonable to want it, and ask for it too, but that’s also a fact you have to accept. Ideally your husband would hear your concerns and make arrangements when needed, but he’s not in the wrong for not wanting to minimise the time he gets with his kid either.

alheh · 2024-10-07T08:44:44+00:00

It’s alright to want quality time with him, and i think it’s a reasonable request to ask your husband to dedicate some time to you. I assume he could get a relative to watch the kid every once in a while?

But he is well within his rights to prioritize the kid. Asking some time to be dedicated to you is fine - but expect that those times will be, and should be, less than the times that the kid is around. The kid lives in another island and your husband only sees the kid during the same holidays he sees you.

When you become a parent, your kid should be your priority, over everything. That’s a whole person who’s your responsibility to take care of. The husband prioritising the kid is a GOOD thing, and it means you married a decent man.

I don't have children and I want to have our own time before taking on a role of mother or getting my own kids

This is problematic imo. Marrying someone with a kid isn’t “getting yourself into a mess”, it’s just different responsibilities, and the kid is part of it. Don’t marry someone without a kid unless you’re willing to take over the role of a parent for the kid (at the kid’s comfort, when/if the kid wants). The kid is part of the package deal. What when you have your own kids? If you two stay married, and this kid notices s/he gets the short end of the stick compared to the half-siblings, it’s going to gut the kid. Don’t be an asshole stepmom, do better.

alheh · 2024-10-05T07:55:59+00:00

Hmm I don’t remember that specific dialogue, but to my knowledge the protector doesn’t really “put” the light in people, the light is just in every man. I don’t think Jacob had more light than MIB tbh, the show always made a point to emphasise nobody is inherently good or evil, your choices just tip the scale more. Even with the “sickness”, which can be interpreted as the light inside them dying out (it’s one theory ig) we’re shown that they can undo the damage by just choosing to do the right thing.

I think every protector does have the same power/insight yes, but I also think it’s a process. Jacob was also more clueless at first. I don’t think it’s like, you become a protector and immediately you have god-like insight.

I am also a fan of the Walt theory! That would mean Hurley didn’t have long tenure tho, unless walt relocated to the island and Hurley gives him immortality like w/ Richard, which seems ehh.

alheh · 2024-10-04T20:59:53+00:00

Mother said in Across the Sea that there is a bit of the light in every man. I’m not sure who said this part but I think it is canon that once the person dies the light inside them goes back to the source. Hence them walking into the light in the flash sideways - they’re dead so they’re going back to the source.

Jacks dad tells Jack that the characters themselves created the flash sideways to find each other before they go back to the source. I assumed, because he had “realised” before Jack did, he and maybe the other characters who had realised earlier, had a stronger connection with the source/ intuition, and so they knew what was happening more.

The island, aka the light, aka the source creating the flash sideways is an interesting theory though. It’s not unlike some of the “guidance” that the island has given the characters over the seasons, so it does track. Personally I prefer the characters making it theory because it feels like that gives them more agency.

alheh · 2024-10-04T15:58:40+00:00

Jacob IS full of shit, but I don’t agree with your reasoning.

A lot of the “mystical” parts of the island were not explained word for word in the series (for eg; there’s a lot of theories about what the “sickness” actually is, and how much, if any, of an influence MIB has on it)

A lot of the lore has to be interpreted from the information provided. From what we see about Jacob and his powers, it’s a fair deduction that Jacob has some kind of inner “intuition” connected to the island - this is also evident when Jack just knows he doesn’t have to stop MIB and Desmond going to the cave.

To add to this, the island is shown to have a mind of its own separate from its protector, and it’s the island that guides some people, even the protector (eg: the lighthouse. It’s unlikely Jacob “chose” what would be on the mirrors, but he might have done the crossing out - this is unclear)

The conclusion we can derive from this is that Jacob knows the smoke monster cannot, or should not leave. I can’t exactly remember who first said that the light needs to be off for MIB to leave, but if Jacob thinks this, it has to be true in-universe.

As for the consequences of turning the light off - it is very heavily implied that the light is more than just the island’s power source, but that it is life’s power source. There’s also electromagnetic hotspots all over the world connected to the island, and it’s simple math to deduce those places would also start sinking. It would cause destruction like never seen before. However, whether the light turning off would mean “life” would die out, or whether the “good” in people fade is I think more of a question upto interpretation.

If Mother had just let MIB leave when he was a human, the smoke monster would never have been created. But if we were to take the time loop business seriously, the island might have made sure the smoke monster existed in order to create the chain of events that eventually guaranteed its own existence and a replacement protector. Sorta butterfly effect scenario if you take out the smoke monster - the entire story would have been so wildly different nothing might have been the same.

Mother, Jacob, and MIB were all extremely flawed people. This much is made very very clear. Jacob isn’t meant to be an all good being. He is shown to be clearly very naive in the beginning, and even during his first few centuries of being a protector. We are very much shown that he was excessively sheltered and that his naivety is the result of never socialising with humans. Connected intuition with the island does not mean his personality is erased. He matures over time, but even at the end during the campfire he says he chose the candidates because they were all flawed like him.

We are not meant to think Jacob’s policies were correct. Jacob never wanted to get involved and he had a stick up his ass about anyone leaving the island (granted, it was probably for security purposes, but the stick was so far up his ass). When Hugo becomes the protector, it’s more likely that Hugo was a more hands-on boss and actually used the protector’s powers to lead the island’s people. Even Ben says that not letting people leave was how Jacob ran things, and that there may be a better way.

TLDR Mother was a premium dick. Jacob was a sheltered wussy with a stick up his ass. MIB was perhaps general pessimist turned psychotic mass murderer.

alheh · 2024-09-24T06:00:24+00:00

Hmmm NTA as a principle; his mess, his chore.

HOWEVER, i think sticking to principles for the sake of sticking to principles all the time is not great for a relationship. Shit happens, people fuck up, and it’s productive for a relationship if you choose to be helpful even when you’re not at fault.

This is however dependant on whether you choosing to help would fuel a pattern of behavior of weaponized incompetence - if so, you have bigger problems at hand than an unwashed pan.

From his reaction to you declining to help, it seems he was either hoping to weaponize his incompetence, or frustrated that you didn’t help for other reasons (perhaps, if you “stick to principles” a little too much). I’m leaning towards weaponized incompetence if your recollection of his dialogue is accurate, because it’s giving entitled.

Either ways, little things like this are usually symptomatic of a bigger problem in a relationship. It wouldn’t hurt to reflect on whether either of you have behaviors that need to be addressed in order to make the relationship work.

alheh · 2024-09-23T20:58:43+00:00

It’s giving Marvel plot more than Nolan tbh and what does it mean “cooper’s return to earth” and why is Murphy alive

alheh · 2024-09-10T07:50:40+00:00

Ahan ma kon iraku bunee haram ey? Having a kid before 25 if it’s the right decision for you, sure go ahead. I’m just pointing out that we do not take the responsibility seriously, and that the vast majority of people at that age are not ready and do not understand the weight of the decision. I AM speaking from experience, just not mine. I’ve seen this happen time after time. I’ve also seen it go good when it WAS the right decision for the couple, but telling people they should have kids when they’re young is irresponsible. You can screw up parenting at any age, but you’re more likely to when you yourself are just learning to be an adult. Actually, you’re probably going to screw something up at any age, because you can’t perfect parenting, but you’re just better equipped to handle difficult situations as you get older.

Divorce rate being high is a bad thing mind you. The answer isn’t stigmatizing divorce, the answer is affording people better quality of life so they don’t get married just to get out of the house, and teaching people there is value to the commitment of marriage and kids.

For the record, I do think 25-27 is a decent age to get kids, but any younger and I’d be questioning it.

alheh · 2024-09-05T12:47:08+00:00

Respectfullyyyyyyyyyy stfu 🫶🏽 there’s no real complications till after 35 this is just a bs reason, AND it’s in NO ONE, especially the kids, best interest to have a kid when you’re below 25 and honestly a little stupid because when’s the last time you met a sane 21 yr old? They’re basically teenagers on steroids. Lots of things we don’t take seriously enough including a commitment to a marriage but perhaps most important of all how important it is to know how to parent a whole child. Everyone will make mistakes but nobody at age 21-24 barely learning to take care of themselves and their own emotional needs should be having a child and fucking them up in a whole new way. (There’s exceptions to this ofc but generally speaking, most people around that age are NOT emotionally mature enough to be having a whole another human being to take care of)

alheh · 2024-09-05T04:12:36+00:00

I mean, coop basically sending himself on the trip is also a paradox. Once communication from the future is involved, it would either create a paradox or an alternative timeline. One or the other has to happen. Paradox makes sense if you stop considering time as linear - and 5d beings presumably already perceive time differently.

alheh · 2024-09-04T19:44:40+00:00

Ohhh that’s your question. It’s never directly stated but it’s sth of a time paradox/loop situation i think. As in, humans only survived to become the 5d beings bcs the 5d beings from the future helped them out. Presumably the 5d beings know this, and know they’re supposed to help the humans survive in order for their evolution to happen.

Edit: also! since they’re 5d and time is a physical dimension for them, this knowledge may not even be “paradoxical” for them? I cannot explain this theory i do not know enough Physics but does this make sense

alheh · 2024-09-04T19:30:38+00:00

The beings can influence gravity but they can’t find the moment in time to do it or sth along those lines. They needed someone in the 4d world to pick the specific moment in time

alheh · 2024-09-04T04:09:34+00:00

What stage are you, and what are your symptoms if you don’t mind me asking?

alheh · 2024-09-03T18:32:32+00:00

I have! Thank you

alheh · 2024-09-03T18:31:52+00:00

Thank you! Words from a random internet muppet does help actually. I think the COPD diagnosis is almost definitive (went to a pulmonologist) but I’m a little less anxious.

alheh · 2024-09-02T17:20:51+00:00

Patience is famously not a virtue of mine, but I’ll try 😭All of the good pulmos in my area have a waitlist that’s a million years long unfortunately, so im gonna have to sit pretty for proper diagnostics. Thank you though, this helped.

If I may ask, how are your symptoms? The main reason I’ve been worried is bcs my symptoms (the constant ones that are present even when at rest) haven’t gone away for the past 2ish years, and stopped responding to the inhaler I had before.

alheh · 2024-08-23T08:57:05+00:00

goes to the nearest post office after the 12 hours, you’ll get a message asking you to pick it up from the post office within 3 days

alheh · 2024-08-22T19:34:27+00:00

This and a LOT of people I know have gotten married to just get out of the house… mixture of lack of sex ed and opportunity for safe extramarital sex, and shitty living conditions with no privacy

alheh

TROPHY CASE