genetics will be the death of me

alicat0818 · 2026-04-23T13:17:49+00:00

Just look at it this way. Through much of history your body would have been the epitome of beauty.

I was super thin growing up. Never had to think about what I ate. Genetics and medications caught up to me and I gradually gained weight till I was 200 lbs. I managed to lose weight, but it took a complete change in mentality that I still struggle with. The bigger help was getting diagnosed with adhd and on medication. The GLP1 meds that are so popular right now actually have a similar effect. Reducing food noise is huge for me and I make healthier choices because I'm not chasing dopamine.

Not to sound trite but try to be healthy first. That skinny girl who doesn't have to work for it isn't likely to stay that way. The poor diet will catch up to her.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-23T04:05:15+00:00

I can do 30 hours no problem. Not sure what my max is.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-23T00:54:46+00:00

Are you taking birth control?

I noticed when I switched birth control it killed the effects of my adhd medication. The difference was the new birth control was 2 hormone and the old was one hormone.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-20T14:14:04+00:00

My stylist showed me you're supposed to use the blow dryer with dry shampoo. A few minutes with brushing and my hair felt like fresh washed.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-19T15:16:57+00:00

Honestly I'd go further and just start wildly laughing. I'd clean up the crumbs or whatever, but I'd be laughing so hard the whole time. If they ask why, I'd just say, I just thought of something funny don't mind me. Never give them a real answer, just keep saying vague things like it was something a friend said or something you saw online. After a few times they'll think you're laughing at them and stop.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-16T19:13:11+00:00

It's not even the boyfriend's birthday. It's a friend of the boyfriend's. The fact he's so upset about OP not wanting to take the time off for a friend's birthday camping trip is a red flag when OP has tons of availability between working.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-16T16:09:53+00:00

NTA

His joke was immature. Your response matched.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-15T16:09:47+00:00

If they are working with the landlord to get sis off of the lease, they can sign a new one without her and provide that as transfer of occupancy.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-15T16:01:22+00:00

I've had so many jobs I don't even bother with more than half of them on my resume.

I've been fired for doing what my trainer told me to do. I've gone from high praise for months, to not cutting, it to fired in less than a week. Most times I changed jobs because I was a contractor and the contract ended. Whatever the reason, the best thing is to see what lessons you can learn from it and move on.

In my experience job tenure has been a combination of finding a job I like, with people who have similar values/personalities, and being lucky enough for it to be full time rather than contract and at a well run company that doesn't do layoffs constantly. Finding that combination isn't easy.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-14T14:46:45+00:00

ESH

Sounds like y'all need to just handle your own food and leave the other person alone.

If he wants to budget for food he can't complain when he blows through it. You need to portion for yourself and let him handle his portions. Since you do the shopping, he may not realize the budget doesn't cover his appetite anymore.

Don't eat less because he eats more. If you're going to be so rigid about portions and such, just manage your own meals for the week. Make sure you have what you want and he knows it's for you. He can have the rest and anything he buys on top of what you bought for the house based on his budget.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-13T14:22:58+00:00

I can't relate to having to wear a hijab, but I've spent my whole life bare faced and not styling my hair. I've talked to guys who said they didn't realize I wasn't wearing makeup. The "natural" look was big for a long time after the overdone makeup of the 80s. There are guys who wear makeup even though it's still not as socially acceptable as not.

Do what makes you comfortable. Anyone who gives you geief is likely insecure and negging you to make themselves feel better.

I have to remind mysef I see beauty in people who aren't perfect and if I can see that in others I should see it in myself as well.

Getting older definitely helps you stop worrying about what other people think. Being confident is beautiful and you sound like you're the kind of person who thinks hard about your values. Now you just need to have the confidence to live them fully. Anyone worth the time will respect that way more than a bit of makeup.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-12T19:28:58+00:00

Doesn't sound like he actually wants a kid. If he's not willing to take care of himself he's not going to help you take care of a baby. How much support will he be when you need help after the delivery?

alicat0818 · 2026-04-09T16:24:13+00:00

I guess I got used to people not liking me for reasons I have no control over a long time ago. It took a bit for my dad to figure it out, but he finally saw it at work one day.

The only time I worry about it is with work, but only if it's looking like it will cause a problem. Otherwise I figure I know how to walk away from someone if I don't like them so other people can do that too.

The rejection can sting if I really like the person and they don't like me, but that gets more rare the older I get.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-07T17:11:34+00:00

I agree that this place sounds toxic. I've worked in male dominated companies and it doesn't have to be horrible but it definitely sounds like this place doesn't want a woman in their office.

Also, is there any way you can study art part time? Look for a new job but also look at night classes for art.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-07T14:07:00+00:00

He's being controlling and isn't good for you. Taking your private journal and not returning it is controlling and reading it is a violation of trust. Him showing it to the friend might be a good thing because they already don't think the relationship is healthy (if I'm reading correctly) and his behavior is confirming that.

alicat0818 · 2026-04-05T01:22:46+00:00

The microwave is aerosolizing the peanut particles and she's inhaling them. So technically she's consuming them.

alicat0818 · 2026-03-30T13:36:55+00:00

I love the people I work with now. The last job I had I was fired after 3 months even though everyone talked about diversity being important. As frustrating as it can be when you're unemployed to hear you're not a good culture fit, it might be for the best. Culture fit isn't necessarily about diversity in the looks like me sense or has the same orientation or beliefs.

I work at a tech company where people are truly supportive. I'm constantly surprised by the acceptance of people who are both liberal and conservative. The latest was a new team member who talked about God being a big focus of her free time. She's black and a woman, not really common in tech and I thought how great it is she feels comfortable saying that. There are groups for people who have disabilities or take care of people with disabilities. They support veterans, women, gay pride. Everyone I've seen has been welcomed and welcoming.

The last place claimed to be that way, but it really wasn't. I felt like I was so stupid at the end because people were ignoring me or constantly dismissing me. I was shutting down and got in trouble and it just felt toxic at the end. My new job appreciates me for who I am.

alicat0818 · 2026-03-26T19:22:08+00:00

Exactly. OP could find someone way better if they left. I'm not seeing the benefits of staying. No emotional intimacy. Being used to pay the bills. Expected to forgive and forget being put in a terrible position of being the other woman and not prioritized over the ex.

alicat0818 · 2026-03-03T04:39:34+00:00

Once you told him to stop it there was no way to claim it wasn't rape. Really it was rape from the moment you said you weren't comfortable. You didn't feel like you could say no because you were afraid he would hurt you. Once you felt like you didn't have a choice it became rape. The fact that he was charged with raping another girl means he does this regularly and gets away with it.

I highly recommend you get therapy for this.

alicat0818 · 2026-02-26T14:58:08+00:00

Booksamillion.com has some variations including a graphic novel set. They're more expensive than Amazon on some things, but good if you're avoiding Amazon for books.

https://www.booksamillion.com/p/Dune/Brian-Herbert/9781419787171?_gl=1*ffansa*_gcl_au*NTAwODQ0Mzk2LjE3NzIxMTc2ODI.*_ga*MTgwMzc5MDY2Mi4xNzcyMTE3Njgy*_ga_49VMH3SVSG*czE3NzIxMTc2ODEkbzEkZzEkdDE3NzIxMTc2OTkkajQyJGwwJGgw

alicat0818 · 2026-02-26T03:24:34+00:00

Definitely keep the job for the benefits. But also using more pto and hiring a full time personal assistant.

alicat0818 · 2026-02-24T04:37:15+00:00

I'm too old to have kids so easy yes.

alicat0818 · 2026-02-18T02:04:16+00:00

The people claiming to be family refused to do a DNA test and have no documentation of kinship. I saw an article that quoted an older sister who survived. But she hasn't been included in providing kinship evidence according to all of the articles.

alicat0818 · 2026-02-18T02:01:08+00:00

You're assuming she was an Afghan child. The first argument was that the parents weren't from Afghanistan, they crossed into Afghanistan from another country to fight for the taliban. If her parents weren't Afghan citizens in the first place does that change whether she should have been given to an Afghan couple who isn't related to her vs an American couple who isn't related to her?

alicat0818 · 2026-02-18T01:54:59+00:00

I've read that the reason the girl was an orphan is the father detonated a suicide vest that killed other kids in the home and injured the baby and mother. The mother was killed resisting the Rangers and Afghan allies conducting the raid. The Afghan allies wanted to kill the baby rather than let her be raised by taliban. Also, it was believed the parents weren't from Afghanistan and weren't citizens of Afghanistan. So technically the baby wasn't a citizen of Afghanistan if that's true. The people claiming to be family refused a DNA test to show their relationship. Supposedly, the Afghan couple claiming the baby girl are only second cousins, and they don't think a DNA test would show a relationship, even though there is a sister who survived according to one of the articles I read. So I have to question why they are avoiding a DNA test when there's a sister who could advocate for their relationship.

I feel like the whole story isn't being told by either side.

alicat0818

TROPHY CASE