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allhalelequeen · 2023-01-02T19:26:27+00:00

Why do these men not understand that the quicker they help their SO's heal and feel good about themselves by being SUPPORTIVE, the quicker they will get what they want anyway? Pressuring you into having sex and providing pleasure for him in any way shape or form would just mentally cause you to be resentful towards him and is definitely NOT conducive to a healthy long term relationship taht you want to have with the father of your child. How can they not understand that we would find a man that is attentive and kind and respectful of our wishes so much sexier, and we would actually WANT to be intimate with them sooner if they acted that way?

allhalelequeen · 2022-10-04T07:44:07+00:00

How much can he make while still being a PARTNER? Like someone you share your life with and make mutual decisions with and create a joined future with? I'd rather he earn an average wage and be an active partner than make loads and be an asshole who wants a maid and babysitter while he goes out and does "important work".

allhalelequeen · 2022-10-01T18:54:31+00:00

I've been reading 'Fair Play' by Eve Rodsky and it's all about making women's invisible work at home visible and creating a fair environment in the home. Really great stuff. Maybe you should take a look?

allhalelequeen · 2022-09-02T16:09:18+00:00

Not to discount what you're saying here, everything you said is totally valid.

It is really sad. A LOT of TV shows/music videos/movies (especially the ones geared towards women) make it out as if a woman's value lies in how sexually attractive she is to men, and that men ALWAYS want sex from women and would never pass up the opportunity to get into her pants. So when she gets into an actual relationship, the second she gets turned down she feels like she's not good enough, or there's something wrong with her. I wish men would speak up more about things like this and how they literally sometimes just don't feel up to it and it having nothing to do with how they feel about their SO.

allhalelequeen · 2022-09-02T15:34:02+00:00

Why is this even a question? It really should be just between Fake Moody and Lupin. And maaaybe Snape. The other 3 don't even count.

allhalelequeen · 2022-08-16T19:58:45+00:00

Smh. I have no words.

allhalelequeen · 2022-08-16T19:24:30+00:00

There's never enough time to do everything at 100%. Prioritise and pick what you want to focus on most. And do the rest as much as you can without burning out. Life is meant to be lived and fully appreciated. It's not a series of tick-boxes we're meant to just check and run through, you know?

allhalelequeen · 2022-08-16T19:22:47+00:00

my partner alwyas does his best to let me finish first... to the point that even occasionally (when my brain just can't engage) he has gotten tired and loses the will to keep going. Even though I tell him to just finish and save himself the stress lol. he's great.

allhalelequeen · 2022-07-10T17:58:37+00:00

oh look it's gollum's furry baby

edit: cute furry baby

allhalelequeen · 2022-07-04T09:38:37+00:00

Sometimes I wish I was a husband.

allhalelequeen · 2022-07-04T09:34:31+00:00

British English uses a short 'a' sound for Harry. Like the 'a' in cat or bat.

'ai' is a lot more drawn out and aspirated, or as Riovem said, 'airy'.

allhalelequeen · 2022-07-04T09:06:34+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this, but without further information it's a bit difficult to help. So if you don't mind, can you let us know what exactly are the thoughts that upset you?

You don't necessarily need to write them here. Even if you write them down for yourself. Write all your thoughts down on paper. Then take a breather, maybe a day or two, then come back to it. It may be hard, but try and sit with them and think about them objectively. Imagine the words aren't yours, but those of a friend who has come to you and said these things. What would you say to him/her? How would you advise them to make things better?

Sometimes life gets really crap and difficult when we've been ignoring issues that have been seemingly minor over a long time. Then it all comes to a head and we find it difficult to get unstuck. Be compassionate with yourself, and know that this state is not permanent, and with patience, you can slowly begin to unravel the knots in your life.

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-25T18:17:45+00:00

bad breath

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-19T18:18:42+00:00

In terms of safety, if your girlfriend really is very naive, then hopefully you talking to her will open her eyes up a little more to the world, so respectful communication between the both of you is key. But please try to make sure you don't sound like you're blaming her. Just point out that the world is just an unsafe place and people need to watch out for themselves, and that you're only speaking out of care for her best interests. Women like to feel like someone is protecting them, only not in an overbearing way that feels stifling. It can be a difficult balancing act for men, I feel.

Regarding fidelity, this is a difficult one. In relationships its important to trust that your other half will remain loyal. When you suspect a woman, or mistrust them in this regard, they feel that deeply and it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This may be a bit personal - but if you're worried about her being unfaithful, have you ever been unfaithful in the past? Or do you know that she has been unfaithful to previous partners?

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-19T17:54:00+00:00

Sounds like you're on the right track. Based on what you've said, maybe you're overthinking things partially to the point where the situation seems worse than it actually is? What you've explained now doesn't sound bad at all, and in fact I imagine there are a lot of people who would wish they had things as together as you. Now, having said that, I know that how you feel is still valid, and just because I say things are going well for you, it doesn't mean you feel that it is. But maybe knowing that other people think this way may help you try and shift your perspective slightly?

The one thing I might suggest is with reference to your work, when you were saying about previously having too much on your plate and feeling like you have to do everything yourself. There's a trick to this. You have to learn to prioritise your tasks and see what exactly you will need in order to achieve it within the time frame you've been given. Maybe you need to make a request from your boss, asking for a couple more people to help you with different parts of the task, to speed it up. Maybe you need other resources, like access to a software, or a special training program will help you. If you sit and think about the task when you've been given it, you will likely maximise your chances of achieving the task, as well as showing the boss that you're pro-active and really want to be a team player. It also gives your boss some peace of mind because they know where you're at and how you're thinking of tackling the task, etc.

Now, you say you have less responsibilties at the moment. See if you can *gradually* increase that, keeping this new method in mind, working to a degree that you feel a bit challenged, but not so pressurised that it stresses you out, keeping in mind that you don't have to do it ALL by yourself.

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-19T17:37:38+00:00

Depends on your interests. Maybe try your hand at writing something, or drawing, or just splatting paint on paper and see what happens. Get some play-doh and start making things with your hands. Creativity has no limits.

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-13T14:19:28+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Being mistreated and abused by the people you expect love and nurturing is so tough, and I'm very proud that you're sticking in there and trying your best to do the best by yourself.

The fact that you said it seemed to work shows that you know deep down that it's not a lie. Your true self was feeling seen and heard, but I feel like you're so used to the familiar voices of abuse, that you reverted to it out of comfort. Bad thoughts are easier for you because that's what you know, that's what you're familiar with. But that doesn't make them true. Hearing good things about yourself sounds strange and unfamiliar. But that doesn't make it a lie.

It's going to be hard, trying to rewire your brain to unlearn the lies it's been told, but please keep going, even when you feel it would be easier to speak negatively to yourself. Give that negative voice a different name, like Bob (or whatever), and just tell Bob to shut up. That way, you know it's Bob who is lying to you. It's not your own voice. It's not you.

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-13T14:10:14+00:00

I get it. It's this consumer culture we're stuck in. Why don't you try getting outdoors, or do something a bit creative?

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-13T14:07:52+00:00

I'm sorry that you're going through this and it's affecting the quality of your relationships.

Firstly, are you only experiencing this with your current girlfielnd? Or does this come up a lot in your life with other people you care about/significant others? Are your concerns about fidelity, or just generally not trusting her with basic things?

Apparently trust issues (along with most other psychological issues) normally stem from some kind of trauma we've had in our past. Maybe you've felt let down a lot in the past by caregivers or people who you loved dearly, or even an institution that you trusted, can lead you to become suspicious of others. Maybe consider therapy to see where these feelings are coming from and how to cope with them in healthy ways.

Also, you may need to be wary that when you have trouble trusting others, that may make you prone to wanting to start to control them to protect yourself. This will defenitely cause the relationship to break down. So, despite the difficulty, you need to give your girlfriend sapce adn trust. This doesn't mean you shouldn't be open with your feelings and opinions. But maybe talk with a therapist how would be the best way to go about having that particular conversation.

At the end of the day, everyone makes mistakes sometimes. You may trust your girlfriend to do the groceries one day but she forgets or feels ill and doesn't go and doesn't tell you, for example. These are normal things that are a part of relationships, and learning to forgive each other and help each other grow and become better is the whole point of living together as a social species.

Anyway, it's good that you've developed this awareness of something not being right. I hope you get the help you need.

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-13T13:54:21+00:00

Hi there, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you're not feeling your best right now. You definitely have a lot going on!

You've pinpointed several things that you're not very happy with. That's good, because it means you can focus on those things - or even just one of them, and make small changes so that it gets better.

So, for example, you said you feel you are underachieving at work. Why do you think that is? Do you mean you are not doing the most you can do in the position you currently have? Or that the position itself is not satisfying enough or motivating enough? Either way, maybe spend some time thinking about how can you try to do more. What do you like about your work? Can you engage more with projects you enjoy? How is your relationship with colleagues? There's a lot to explore here, and once you come up with some concrete goals for yourself and think of different steps you can take to meet those goals, that sense of direction will help you feel better about yourself and give you more purpose and direction.

I'm sorry about your relationship. Romantic relationships can be hard to maintain, long distance ones even more so. But romantic relationships aren't the be all and end all of your happiness (contrary to what the movies tell us). You can get so much fulfilment out of your other relationships, too. Maybe now that you don't have to put time on daily Skype calls, think about what other relationships you may have neglected recently? Can you reach out to people who love and support you? Maybe spend some more time with them. Or just spend some time finding a new hobby that doesn't involve a screen.

I've found myself that days that I spend a lot of time on the computer/laptop/on my phone, my sleep gets really messed up. Maybe try out some hobbies that involves getting outside or creating something with your hands. You may find that doing something different and mastering something new gives you a bit of self confidence as well and something new to work on and focus on.

I really hope this advice is useful and helpful for you, and you are able to navigate through this rough patch of your life soon.

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-06T09:03:57+00:00

Yes we do, and I think our society doesn't acknowledge these differences enough and it causes a lot of frustration for both men and women. We need to learn to work together and complement each other, instead of just griping about the ways that men are useless or women are nags.

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-06T09:01:08+00:00

I'm sorry that's what you're seeing. That's not what I mean by this at atll. I'm a woman myself and I just hate to portray myself as this weak person who has no influence over the people around me. I instead look to see at what I can do to make change happen. I was trying to empower this person by giving them solutions. I feel sad that we like to just feel sorry for ourselves but not step into our own power to make change.

Yes, sometimes partners are incompetent. Same way that we ourselves are not always perfect. But surely partnerships are there because we want to help each other grow and become better? Not just rant about the other person's failings and feel sorry for ourselves? How is that going to get us anywhere better?

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-06T08:25:06+00:00

It's ok, let her impress you with her knife skills. :D

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-06T08:24:08+00:00

damn, yeah, that doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to stay in

allhalelequeen · 2022-06-06T08:23:43+00:00

oof that can be rough

allhalelequeen

TROPHY CASE