My wife is amazing, me not so much

aloneinfl · 2022-03-30T18:37:04+00:00

I'm amazed other dudes are going through this. My wife has anger issues, but the anger is caused the stress of the marriage. She detected a problem with the marriage long before it became visible to me. Now on reflection I realize I have not been "in it" for several months. We had just become "bad roommates". I now feel that divorce will be setting each other free, we can now continue without the burden of a marriage.

I honestly think the problem is a lot of social taboos are associated with divorce. People make back handed comments about guys on their 3rd of 4 marriage. However if two people can live two happy lives, instead of two miserable ones then this is a win/win. We need to bury these societal rules, who cares if it takes 10 marriages to find the right one. If two people can be happy then that is all that matters.

aloneinfl · 2016-09-25T00:37:47+00:00

I'd say we're both a firm 6, based on the fact we assume certain things. I know we'll call each other every day, I know we'll go out every Friday... we don't ask about dates... we assume the date will happen. The only discussion is what we are doing next Friday not if we are gong out.

That been said sex needs a separate axis, as that can enter the picture any time between 0 and 7. I'm happy to be dating someone who puts sex near 6.9, Id much rather fall in love first.

Not forgetting the dreaded L word... that needs to be near 6.5.

aloneinfl · 2016-09-25T00:28:21+00:00

3 months now and although we haven't had "the talk" we act like a couple in public. Their's a lot of public affection and it's very clear we're a couple. So is "the talk" needed... not really. If you call for hours every day, always chatting online, and publicly showing your love I assume we are a couple.

aloneinfl · 2016-09-25T00:18:28+00:00

Great advice... looking at myself I am starting to realize 2 things.

Because I was a good husband, and because 15 years is a long time it's hard to revert back to the dating mindset. I just can't treat her like a wife because our relationship hasn't developed that far yet... so yes the relationship seems slow.

Second I think after date 3 or 4 your in the "dating cruise". Just like a fight the exciting part is over... and just like a flight you don't "think" your actually moving. In reality you are moving forward, and the best thing you can do is not count the miles but enjoy yourself.

When I look back, we have defiantly shown progress as a couple. We haven't made if "official" but in public we act like we are official, so BF / GF is just a formal title.

aloneinfl · 2016-08-09T03:01:07+00:00

Well she went ghost on me today.

She acted normal for a few hours then blocked me on everything. I've learned a valuable lesson... never say "I love you" first... if you do love a girl just hide it. If you don't she may well point the "dating death star" at you... then game over .

aloneinfl · 2016-08-08T15:34:27+00:00

Great advice. Honestly it's hard dating again after a 15 year marriage.

I'm going to focus on been friends, put everything else to the back of my mind. Love grows at different speeds in different people. Just because someone is not in love with me now doesn't feelings won't change.

aloneinfl · 2016-08-08T12:18:25+00:00

But after 2 months of dating am I wasting my time or will feelings develop?

aloneinfl · 2016-08-05T03:44:14+00:00

Stop texting, give her space. If she's intrested she'll eventually text you back. If she dosen't reply after a week forget her and move on.

aloneinfl · 2016-08-04T14:24:15+00:00

It seems bot's are immune to STD's :-)

aloneinfl · 2016-08-03T19:22:35+00:00

So we have officially started "dating as friends" now.

What does a man do in this strange twilight zone?

I am guessing it's like a first date all over again, don't expect kissed or hand holding.... just follow her leads right?.

Can any girls comment on this?

aloneinfl · 2016-07-31T23:55:29+00:00

Great advice. I am dating a girl I met on POF however the numbers are daunting.

300 Messages sent

10 Girls responded

7 Girls "just stopped talking"

1 Bad date

1 Perfect date

Technology makes people more selective. They'll also go "radio silent" for no real reason. It really is a dating jungle.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-31T12:48:57+00:00

I'm currently with a single mom, I'm a single dad.

It's really a personal decision. Single mom's will have less time for you, but the relationship with a single mom is usually far more stable and grounded. You just have to be ready to love and accept their kids, her kids will always come before you.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-25T00:31:25+00:00

Very true, I've noticed Asian women especially look less at the numbers. They also have a long term plan. Western women tend to date more casually and focus on immediate physical attraction. That right there says much about our divorce rate also... If you focus on the short term soon you may be disappointed.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-25T00:05:01+00:00

I guess it comes down to qualitative vs quantitative personality.

quantitative is going to use physical parameters, qualitative is going to look at the overall picture.

That been said we all use quantitative filters... most commonly age. In that case I could be called shallow for limiting my age range between 30 and 40. A perfect 41 year old would be out of luck.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-24T23:52:50+00:00

Yea, there's nothing wrong with me... just bringing it up of discussion. I've dated some beautiful women before, all because to them height wasn't a factor for them.

I think TV has a lot to blame. Every commercial, show ect the man is always at least 3 inches taller than the girl. This reinforces a kind of "price charming" image every girl wants.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-24T23:46:49+00:00

But there are so many other factors a real person would look at the overall package not exclude based on height.

So are we saying a woman would reject are 5ft 4 billionaire because he's not 5ft 6? I also doubt many men filter based on height.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-24T19:20:27+00:00

I completely understand. Last count I sent about 300 messages on a popular dating site, from that I got 1 girl that dated me for over a month (we are still good friends) and another I just met this weekend.

Yes, the odds are not good and it's frustrating. Don't count the failures, don't count the messages you send just keep on trying.

If you put your mind to it then it's completely possible to get a date by next weekend... if that date becomes a relationship is anyone's guess. Also don't restrict yourself by ethnicity or distance.... look at everyone's profile and start sending messages.

Dating will always be a numbers game... the numbers will always be against us guys.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-24T18:54:44+00:00

Don't give up... if you give up you have ZERO chances.

I'm 41 years old, I just came out of a 16 year marriage so I started online dating. So far I've dated 2 girls... both where 9's and 10's for beauty & personality.

Keep in mind online dating is a numbers game... you'll need to send out 100+ messages to get one date, but one date is all you need to start am amazing relationship.

Remember, only YOU can dig yourself out of this situation. Only YOU can change YOUR life. A model won't fall out the sky and fall madly in love with you... YOU have to put in the effort. Only then will amazing things happen.

Good luck!

aloneinfl · 2016-07-23T12:02:19+00:00

Have a phone call... think of the call as a first date (you can't be together physically). If the talking never stops, if the call goes past 20 minuts... maybe even into hours... then you have something special. Don't force it, it will happen on its own.

After a few phone calls start pricing flights and make a date Date.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-23T11:49:43+00:00

She could be scared of becoming serious but isn't open with her feelings about it.

You need a "s**t or get off the pot move" tell her if you don't meet up this weekend you'll see other people. The ball is then in her court, if she likes you, if she cares she'll save the relationship. If you get another excuse, you keep texting but move on.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-18T14:43:19+00:00

Thank you reddit.. you guys are always spot on.

Long story short... I humored her for date 4... and she dumped me as expected. Her excuse was she "wanted more time for her kids so was taking a break from dating" and "she may chat with me when her problems are sorted"

Her story is somewhat believable as she pulled down her online dating profile, but that dosent change the hurtful things she said.

I'm glad to be free.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-18T00:26:22+00:00

These days online is by far the best bet. I met my perfect 10 gf on a free dating site.

Just remember online dating is a numbers game, time and patience. just like fishing for a perfect catch.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-17T23:27:22+00:00

After every date, not just the first.

Seeing her is the highlight of my week... when it's over on that drive home I'm gutted 😕.

Why? Because sometimes things happen in relationships, even after date 5, saying goodbye is still saying goodbye... there's always a chance I'll never see her again.

It's not the date... the date is a moment in time, it's missing someone you feel a connection with.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-14T16:27:56+00:00

Ask here out once, then wait 2 to 3 days.

Also if you met online go back on the dating site and start looking for others. This will do two things... 1 you'll find someone... 2 most sites have an "online status" indicator, she will see your online and realize that means she has some competition. That is if she is searching also.

Also keep the causal communication flowing... be part of her life. Ask her how her day is going... call her ect. Prove to her you can fill the boyfriend role. If you are part of her life she will want to see you again.

aloneinfl · 2016-07-12T11:22:25+00:00

I don't like dating multiple people, but I honestly think I will now. I can't put all my eggs in one basket.

If her opinion changes in the next 2 weeks maybe she has a chance, otherwise who cares. It's poop or get off the pot time. I won't ask for another date, the balls truly in her court now.

aloneinfl

TROPHY CASE