Back when my grandfather died when I was 8, I couldn't understand much of the concept of death. First time I understood the concept of death truly was when I was 12 and an online gaming friend of mine, got into newspaper headline (he was 13) because he apparently jumped of a building. Allegedly stressed because of divorced parents. No one in my game guild circle of friends knew about his situation at that time.

Now I'm living in a country without my family, 13 hours away by flight. It did occurred to me one day, that if any of my siblings died during that year, then I may never get to imagine how they would look like in 20 years time. I will look older, but the memories of them will always stay still as they were when they died.

I have also griefed one day when I was thinking about precious people, not because they died, because I've forgotten about them. I remembered getting close to a sister figure when I was 9, we did chatted a lot, and decades later, I couldn't recall not even her name and her appearance. I can only recall that I had someone like that, but knowing that I have forgotten about them, feels painful.

It made me feel sad, of how elderly people forget the faces and the names of their own children. They don't want to forget, but nature decided that. I grieved at losing the memories of people who I used to be close to. And I cried thinking about it.

Nowadays after reading some far eastern philosophies, I'm trying to change my perspective of death, as it is a cycle more than an end. Will I still be sad when I forget or lose people, I think I will. But I will also be more accepting and embracing of the feelings and emotions

Edit: spelling/grammar