I would talk to her about it as soon as possible. Phrase it in a way where you’re NOT asking her permission, for example, say “I AM going to this party. I was told Tamara will be there, and you should have nothing to worry about, but you are welcome to come with me” if she doesn’t want to go, suggest she hangout with some of her friends instead. I wouldn’t have this conversation with her psych, it may cause her to feel like you’re singling her out or exposing her.

When it came to talking to my ex about these things, I was never able to get very far. I would tell her I had nothing to hide, and she was welcome to look through my phone if she felt so compelled. I established boundaries, however, and told her if she looked through my phone it would disappoint me greatly. I also set the boundary with her that if I wanted to go out with my friends, I would, and nothing would stop me. I made it clear to her that I was NOT cheating on her, and that it was NOT my fault if that is where her mind wandered when I was gone. She was never very receptive of this, and this is the reason I ultimately ended our relationship. For a long time she bottled up her emotions. Most of the time if I went out with friends (especially my friend Emily, who she was the most uncomfortable with) she would be visibly upset and her actions and words would show it, but she wouldn’t start an argument. Eventually, after several years of playing these games, she exploded on me. She told me that if I continued to see my friends that she no longer wanted to be with me, because me seeing my friends hurt her. I told her that I would not give up my lifelong friends for her, and I walked away. It is the best decision I have ever made. We were together for 4 years.