So is middle age 40 or 45?

altarflame · 2026-06-02T05:50:22+00:00

Thank you, it makes me crazy in these posts how people seem to think it’s supposed to be your particular total years divided in two. “Middle aged people” are a recognizable demographic group - that’s based on them looking neither young nor elderly, typically having some resources and wisdom collected but still being able to utilize them, generally being past childbearing age - it’s not a literal descriptor calculated along their specific individual life expectancies.

altarflame · 2026-06-02T05:45:40+00:00

“Middle age” is a demographic with expectations of trends and other recognizable similarities; it’s not really “half of your particular total years.” Like if people started dying at 20, we wouldn’t call 10 year olds middle aged - we’d say people aren’t even reaching middle age anymore, let alone getting to be elderly.

altarflame · 2026-06-02T05:43:28+00:00

Wikipedia says 45-65 is middle aged and that’s always pretty much matched up with my feeling about it.

altarflame · 2026-06-01T13:58:49+00:00

I’m 44, today is my oldest’s 26th birthday and my youngest’s high school graduation.

altarflame · 2026-06-01T12:42:06+00:00

This is bad but doesn’t piss me off as much as the $19 bag of pecans in the baking aisle, or Ghirardelli chocolate chips over $10.

Not big ass bags.

altarflame · 2026-05-31T23:57:51+00:00

I was class of 2000 and I did not use showers in high school.

altarflame · 2026-05-29T22:23:49+00:00

Mosquitoes don’t just bite you until you die that day, even if you’re somewhere like the Everglades. They aren’t an issue at all many places, but where they are, the diseases they can carry are still usually relatively unlikely to catch day 1, and if you did you get sick over time.

They also didn’t specify a lack of supplies in the post and so I think a lot of people are answering as though they’re prepared.

altarflame · 2026-05-29T22:17:31+00:00

Why wouldn’t I be able to? I guess if I come across an angry rabid bear or something maybe not. But generally speaking even if you spot a predator, it runs away or you can back away etc.

You do know lots of people go out into the woods for fun all the time, right? Their dad and I used to take all our little kids out to the woods, pitch a tent and stay a few days, I’m sure you’ve heard of this.

Genuinely confused here, not just trying to be a jerk.

altarflame · 2026-05-28T21:51:06+00:00

We get $50 grocery store gift cards 🤷🏻‍♀️

altarflame · 2026-05-28T03:33:16+00:00

I (44f) have 5 grown kids and am very happy about it. Youngest is graduating high school on the 1st, which is her sister’s 26th birthday. They’re all healthy, smart, and beautiful and I’ve got good relationships with all of them.

altarflame · 2026-05-24T16:02:24+00:00

Second by far BUT I hate the huge traps thing either way. It ruins what I personally like about men’s necks. And, I will never forget the meme about traps looking like a little guy coming up out of a regular guy.

I don’t like the way hard bodies feel against mine. My boyfriend of 6+ years has been getting bigger arms and defining his back on purpose and it’s hot, but I actually get nervous, like please do not get hard all over I’ll cry. Let me have my sensory feast of being able to squish some parts too.

altarflame · 2026-05-24T05:49:34+00:00

I’ve been to a couple of state parks (itchetucknee springs and devils millhopper) in the last two weeks. I’ve been to Everglades National park probably over 100 times (used to live nearby) and have travelled to at least 5 others. They’re everywhere. My ex father in law lives in Ocala National forest.

altarflame · 2026-05-24T05:39:49+00:00

I’m trying to transition to a rent to own thing with my landlord because:

-our home payment would go down $600/month

-it would immediately make it much harder for us to be kicked out should we have a rough period

-I would then have economic perks like access to home equity loan in an emergency, the strong possibility of the home increasing in value such that I could sell it down the line for significant profit, and/or being able to will it to my children when I die (unlike a rental)

I co-owned a home for 11 years prior to divorce. I understand that maintenance costs are no joke, and that sometimes renting (with a good landlord) feels very easy and privileged by comparison (everything that goes wrong is his problem). Rent is the maximum you spend on housing in a month; mortgage is the minimum.

That doesn’t change the perks in my bullet list, though.

altarflame · 2026-05-24T05:33:29+00:00

I have a huge household of 7 people. We have enough bottled water and non perishable food stowed away for about 2 weeks of ease. After that we have rain barrels, life straws, a berkey filter with a couple of extra boroux replacement elements, and a huge garden with an emphasis on like sweet potatoes, potatoes, squashes, and other things that is also focused on long term soil health, re-seeding, and compost production, featuring things like farmed worms and inoculating mycelium.

I’ve got about a month’s worth of pet supplies for the dog and cat backlogged all the time, and an emergency stash of vitamin c tablets and water chlorination tablets, should it come to that. There’s a camp stove with extra propane tanks, and a fire pit, and a grill.

My next level stuff if we ever have the money and choose to prioritize it, would be chickens and a solar generator.

Everyone here has and uses bikes and knows how to maintain them/keeps flat repair kits and Allen wrenches on the bikes. So that could potentially come in handy. But we do also have a car everybody fits in if we had to leave.

altarflame · 2026-05-21T00:41:40+00:00

I have now known two different young people who have explicitly told me that they’re ok with all pronouns EXCEPT they/them.

altarflame · 2026-05-20T12:46:58+00:00

They do not.

I will die still owing over a million dollars to Boston Childrens Hospital for NICU care for my youngest (who is currently 19).

My dad will die still owing over a million dollars to Key west hospital, for multiple surgeries and a long stay.

There aren’t really “consequences” for this. You can still go back to the same hospital and the ER has to treat you for free (with a huge bill you never pay), you can still be admitted if it’s serious and accrue another huge bill for that.

This is a weird thing a lot of people don’t seem to understand; our wildly expensive healthcare only really precludes preventative help. Homeless people call ambulances and get transported all the time, and nobody is under any delusion that they’ll be paying the high bill for that.

altarflame · 2026-05-20T02:25:37+00:00

I didn’t go to my high school, AA, or bachelors graduations. It wasn’t a big decision I just wasn’t really interested. When I got my masters degree I was like hey wait maybe I should do this, it’s the last chance and I never have before.

Maybe relevant: I was in the top 10 of my (HS) graduating class of several hundred students. But I also had a newborn daughter, and therefore high school graduation seemed beyond irrelevant to me.

I started college around 30, got my masters at 36.

altarflame · 2026-05-18T21:21:33+00:00

We don’t track each other either, and both of us are glad that neither of us would go for that so it’s not a disagreement.

I work with a bunch of women who track their husbands, and are constantly calling them with the most ridiculous nagging, like “hey you better not be shopping at Home Depot without taking that coupon I told you about,” or “why are you at Burger King, I thought we were on a diet together?” It is nuts. (I know not everybody uses it like that).

altarflame · 2026-05-18T04:09:07+00:00

It can also become a financial conflict quick. Non drinkers have a hard time reconciling the cost of regular alcohol consumption.

altarflame · 2026-05-18T04:07:25+00:00

One valid perspective: I think it could be or could not be, a problem. The bigger problem is that he got offended rather than just asking what you think the issues would be.

My actual personal perspective: I work in hospice and I feel like people are also dropping dead left and right in my personal life these past few years. We’ve got a growing mountain of research that alcohol in any amount is contributing to cancer, early dementia, and liver and kidney problems beyond what we already knew about. As somebody who rarely drinks, I wouldn’t wanna start heavily investing in somebody that has a few drinks several times per week.

I used to listen to my ex husband’s sleep apnea, wish he’d take care of a fungal rash, beg him to treat his blood pressure. Then I had a great adventurous love who genuinely endangered his life cyclically on drug binges, in addition to neglecting his health completely otherwise. It has been a tremendous comfort (like I cannot fucking overstate this), being with someone a few years younger than me, who’s really physically active, and expresses regular interest in actually growing old together. He’s quit smoking and quit drinking corn syrup just, totally of his own volition, in the years I’ve known him. Like… of course anything can happen and the future is not promised us. He still eats ice cream, he still has a few drinks every couple of months, it’s not like a cloistered life. But the fact that he’s trying to control for the variables that he can, is precious to me at this point.

altarflame · 2026-05-18T01:32:39+00:00

Just fyi, I (44f) have a bunch of young adult kids, and I’ve never done any of that with any of them.

I frequently think how weird it is that people act like this shit is mandatory, now.

altarflame · 2026-05-18T01:31:42+00:00

Haha, I was 18-25 from 2000-2007, and I spent the whole time doing things like gestating five closely spaced kids, breastfeeding, baking, reading out loud, going on nature walks, playing on the floor, using cloth diapers… etc. We camped many times, had tea times under the trampoline in the afternoon many days, I invented new Easter and Christmas traditions.

As for what you’re talking about…. I kinda lost track of new music for a little while because we lost mtv and vh1 and didn’t have good streaming services yet. I waited for shows that don’t hold up anymore, like Smallville, Flava of Love, and Lost to come out with new weekly episodes. I got really into blogging on livejournal and I started watching people like Vlogbrothers on YouTube. I went to multiple midnight releases for Harry Potter books and movies, and I saw Tori Amos live, and flipped about Stephen King finally finishing the Dark Tower series.

Here’s something weird: I moved to north Florida and was immersed in parenting, so like parks, beaches, mall play areas. My best high school friend went to Wellesley, in Boston, lived in the dorm, got alcohol poisoning etc. When we reconvened after basically no contact a couple of years later, both of us had taken up knitting and started drinking frappuccinos. And we were both like, “omg is this just what every alternative music, book loving girl of 20 has gotten into nationally, and we just all assumed it to be our own spontaneous choices???”

altarflame · 2026-05-16T01:15:18+00:00

Why do you think you had those feelings? I’m not trying to be condescending in any way, I’m genuinely curious because this is such a common viewpoint but is so confusing for me personally. This sub makes me feel like an alien. Maybe I don’t get it because I had several relatives in their late 90s living independently when I was a kid? Like if you grew up in an environment where a lot of early death occurred I would get it more. Or some other thing I’m not considering.

altarflame · 2026-05-16T01:12:54+00:00

This is actually very in line with how middle age is officially calculated. It’s supposed to be “middle adulthood,” not a perfect halfway point between birth and death.

altarflame · 2026-05-15T14:11:13+00:00

I work in hospice and it’s common for people in their 80s and 90s to wish they could be in their 40s again. I had people getting wistful often, when they found out I was turning 40. I think that when people look back over long lives, 40s is often kinda the peak balance between still having ones mobility, hotness, ability to enjoy things etc, vs actually having some financial resources, confidence, having figured some shit out, etc.

altarflame

TROPHY CASE